UKH

I've tried for around 5-10 years to quit alcohol but found it so difficult. I've been a binge drinker, drinking around 8 or 9 pints 3 times weekly. It's a lot I know. I just would like to break the cycle. I also mainly smoke when drinking. 

Today I'm going to cycle to the gym and go swimming. Am very hungover just want to get off to a new start. 

I urge you to give it another go. I always used to drink far too much, and was probably verging on alcoholism, or so I thought. But I gave all up, totally, at the new year and was amazed how easy I found it. I’ve had absolutely no problem since, sticking to my vow, drinking non-alcoholic beer and wine; and there’s also a deep satisfaction from not breaking one’s vow.

That's great. I'm going to stock up on some non-alcoholic beer, and also some appletiser. I know it will make a big difference to my mental health as it takes me a long time to get over a binge.

Yes, the biggest benefit I’ve found is the complete absence of even a trace of a hangover, and the sheer quality of sleep. You wake up feeling really good each day, by comparison.

Cool!  Go for it!

It's handly to get in a range of non-alcholic drinks: then you always have something interesting to drink and it doesn't feel like you're depriving yourself.

Would you consider seeking professional help?

You've been trying for 5-10 years but relapsing. Whatever your approach was in the past, you need to up the ante and try something radically different or you'll just repeat the pattern.

Getting professional help or some form of support is necessary. Best wishes, with help you can do this.

Yes, I had help from the Freedom Model for about a month, going through their book with one of their coaches. I'm now considering therapy. 

I asked as it's not the first time you've posted about this. All the best to you whatever you decide to do.

The 0.0-0.5% beers are pretty good these days.

Good luck.

PS if you drink with mates, tell them it's doctor's orders so they commiserate rather than press you to drink alcohol.

​​

If you’re only drinking 3 times a week….then you’re not drinking 4 times a week which you have to take as a positive.

Just focus on the next morning. As Gordon says waking up without a hangover can be a real motivator to cut down.

Reduce consumption rather than go completely dry, make the goal a series of small steps rather than a massive reduction in one go.

You say 3 times a week 8-9 pints, thats 27 pints a week so start off dropping the amount each session. Try drinking only 7 pints at a time and gradually reduce. It wont feel as drastic and gives you a mental reward every time you achieve it. 

This could work for some people but the problem with drinking is that it dilutes resolve and inspires great creativity in making excuses. If I have any problem with drink, it's not knowing when to stop. I decided last hogmanay I was going to radically cut back and I have, but in the pub I'm still the one who says, "Will we have another?" when it's clear that everyone else is stopping. 

OP: I've probably replied to you on this before but in case not, I've massively reduced my intake this year. I hardly ever drink during the week and go out drinking socially no more than twice a month and even then I alternate with normal beer and zero beer. It is working for me, I feel better and I'm a bit leaner. Some people might need to stop altogether either for a while or permanently, and some might need professional help. Ultimately, no-one really needs to drink alcohol so it should be a pleasure and nothing more.

Totally agree with you on that one. The first drink is easy to say no to, but if I'm drinking one a second won't do any harm, then after the third I loose all self restraint.

​​​​​​

Ones too many tens not enough…… 

Ive struggled most of my life with beer. At 41 I’m just starting to get control of it. I feel your pain and it’s a long road. 
 

It’s stages of reduction that helped me in the end. Remember if you stop it doesn’t have to be forever, I think the thought of never ever drinking again is too much for the devil on the shoulder to deal with. I go to the pub with close mates for a session once a month now and it works for me. I’m lucky that my desire for beer is gradually reducing naturally and the desire to avoid feeling crap is slowly winning. 

I hope you find a way mate. Remember that the more time you spend sober the more you will improve as a person imo. You just feel better generally and are a lot more productive. 
 

I’ve found that people don’t take any notice of what you’re drinking if it looks like ordinary beer or wine in a glass.

It's hard to quit drinking when alcohol is ubiquitous in our society. Alcohol is (possibly) the only substance that we consume where we need a valid reason not to be drinking it socially (e.g., being pregnant, religious reasons, medication, driving). It should be normalised to not drink alcohol and for this to not be challenged.

You have reasons for why alcohol is impacting your life. I'd suggest writing out a "decisional balance" or pros and cons of quitting drinking, and the pros and cons of continuing to drink. There is still a reward that you are getting from drinking, but is it worth the cons? I'd also suggest reflecting on what has led you to drink again in the past when you have tried to stop. Consider what the triggers are and the reasons behind why you drink. Many people drink to regulate their emotions. If this is a problem for you, are there alternatives to how you can manage difficult emotions?

It's difficult, but it is possible to change.

I've been mostly off it since about August.  Friday night is sometimes hard, Saturday morning always an absolute joy. 

This morning I seized the day and went on a quick decision shopping trip into Bath with biggest sprog to get new school ties, while there we dropped in at Smiths to buy an aircraft magazine and popped into GW (I refuse to call it Warhammer) to trade in some minis and get some new ones for a game this afternoon.  We had a lovely time, and went from 'right let's do this' at ten to 9 to out the door at ten past.  Home again by 11.

If I'd drunk last night I'd have still been stumbling round emptying the dishwasher at 10.00.

So true - last weekend I was driving somewhere listening to Radio 2 as it was all I could pick up in darkest Wiltshire.  It was about 7pm or something and the DJ kept reading out those "Hello to Tina and Kevin who are listening on their way back from holiday" messages.  Almost every message had a reference to "and enjoying a G&T" or "with a glass of wine" and a silly sound effect would get played every time booze was mentioned.   Just seemed so incongruous.

I think if you meet new people, you don't need to justify it at all. People accept a non-drinker easily. I think it's more if you have always been known as a drinker that it's harder to change people's reactions to you. I don't drink at all, haven't ever been a drinker, and I don't get pressured ever. People just accept it and like having a driver available!

Maybe the OP needs to fill the usual pub/ drinking time with a different hobby? Obviously I don't think you need to ditch your old friends, but don't join the drink orientated socialising with them. See them for other things instead (climbing/ go for a walk etc?). And in the evenings where you would have been going out drinking, find some other activity which you would enjoy doing instead and get stuck into that. 

Do you love each and every drink or, after a couple, is it just habit? I often find the first couple are bloody lovely but, by the 4th or so, it's increasingly hard work and I'm drinking for the sake of drinking. If you recognise and enjoy the ones you want and eliminate the ones that are just habit, you're probably half-way there.

I agree, but alcohol is psychologically addictive because it makes you carry on even when you know you should stop and aren’t enjoying it anymore. It’s different to physical dependency and I think people sometimes think they’re not addicted because they don’t wake up needing a drink. In my experience that’s one extreme but I was psychologically dependent while I was drinking but not physically. For me the only way was cold turkey. It wasn’t half as bad as I thought and I was completely dry for a year and a half. Now I occasionally have a glass of wine with dinner or a pint out (one, and only if the AF options are awful because I’ve been dragged to some dive or am at a gig - what IS it with gig venues? Terrible for AF in general) but that’s it. Completely different relationship with it and I’m never going back.
 

Ps. Went to my GP recently about something unrelated and she asked me ‘do you drink?’. I said no.
 

Then I thought to myself.. what a strange question, would you ask me if I eat? What would you mean if you did? 
 

‘drinking’ - the act of consuming liquids. But it’s come to mean one thing and one thing only. ‘Do you drink a specific type of poison (which alcohol is)?’ What does that say about how ingrained alcohol is in our society?

I sat down with a mate in the pub one night in my mid 30s working out what we consumed in an average week, and it came to quite an astonishing number of pints. I was playing for several different pub pool teams at once and rarely had a night off it. There was always time for session after the climbing wall closed.

I knew I had to change, but I didn't really know how to.

Then one evening, while three sheets to the wind, I found myself agreeing to do a half ironman six months hence.

In the sober light of day I was ready to laugh that one off, but it dawned on me that I would have to be tee-total for those six months if I wanted to have half a chance of getting fit enough, and that six months off the drink would be no bad thing.

The vast amount of training required gave me purpose not to drink, a reason to tie up the time that I would normally spend in the pub, and high levels of endorphins to keep my restless mind occupied.

It was an extreme approach, but I'm not sure I would have ever changed substantially without such a disruptive event; it was a serendipitous decision but I've since learned a bit about the behavioural science behind using disruption to change habits.

I did drink moderately again after that, but found

a) it had really lost its appeal (hangovers, mental health effects etc. were no longer just "normal"

b) the danger of a slide towards binge drinking was ever present

So I stopped, and have been tee-total for a number of years now with no desire whatsoever to go back to it.

TL;DR find your good reason, and find a disruptive event to base your change of behaviour around.

Best of luck, and remember it's making the change that's the hard part - the first 10 or 12 weeks might feel tough, but after that you start to become habituated to your new lifestyle and the benefits become too obvious for your subconscious mind to ignore.

I hope you manage to break the cycle and stop drinking, you could always try and seek professional help?

Really wish you good luck. Stopping drinking just leads to sunny uplands and so much too look forward to. Don't mix with drinkers is the best advice I can give.

I get the sense the UK has grown up a bit more than this (at least once clear of the low 20's) where if someone chooses to just drink a diet coke in the pub, no one is going to care.

Sadly i have been in an (work) environment where I felt under pressure to drink. The standard 'no I'm driving' just got 'get a taxi, we'll pay' comments, to the point where I found myself drinking alcohol free (much prefer soft drinks) and parking round the corner, just to save the earache.

Don't get me wrong I like a drink, but it was awful to be in a toxic environment where I had to justify/hide the fact that I don't always want alcohol. 

Stand up for yourself! Work people are just individuals that you generally hate, who you have to endure for several hours a day. If you don't want to socialise with them, don't. I only went out post work when I felt like it, otherwise, I'd be off.

Sadly the company had an unhealthy drinking policy which was very much led/encouraged by the management. I enjoyed the social events, just didn't need/want alcohol in order to do so.

How very immature of them. Shame. I do believe (based on no evidence whatsoever) that these situations are rarer than they used to be. 

It's frustrating as there's no easy way to put a stop to it without being the apparent spoil sport which nobody wants to be.

It used to happen to me a lot when I was younger as I really enjoy the first few drinks, but after that it just makes me sick. 

Yes, it sounds like they’re very behind the times, i.e. not living in the twenty-first century. There has of course been a huge change in drinking habits over the last two decades, with binge-drinking more or less a thing of the past, and most people drinking far less, and quite a lot of people giving  up alcohol altogether.

have a look at Adrian Chiles "The Good Drinker", I found it very helpful.

I'm going to big up the sober life. I had a big problem with drinking and really can't take another one ever. So there's no equivocating for me.

I am clear that drinking is something that there is no question about.

That takes a lot of pressure off. It's just a clear no to any alcohol and none of your business why.

I feel great. Drinking is just one of those unnecessary things I have no time for. I get a lot more done, I think clearly and don't do things I regret (well maybe the odd thing😀).

If my health craps out then at least it won't be my fault.

I was a heavy weekend drinker from about 17 / 18, definately got worse as I got older. In my  30s to early 40s I would regularly drink 20+ pints in all day sessions that went into the early hours. Once I started drinking, I coudnt stop. I didnt enjoy it much either, but just felt compelled to keep going once started. I went on a fortnight trekking holiday to Turkey and really enjoyed it. It was then that I realised how much I was wasting on booze, cigarettes and coke every week which I could be spending on doing great things instead. I still had a few sessions after that, but that was the beginning of the end of my drinking. Now, I have the occasional bottle of Old Peculiar on a Saturday evening, but really couldn't care less if I never drink again. 

I get the sense that it’s the 40+ generation that hasn’t grown up. All of the early 20s people (generally children of friends) I know enjoy social drinking but think binge drinking and drunkenness is sad and uncool, something they associate with their rather embarrassing parents. 

They're all on drugs instead.

These threads tend to fill up with a lot of stories from people saying how easy it was for them to stop drinking.

I appreciate that this is mostly intended as encouragement but it's not always what someone struggling to stop needs to hear. The fact is that some people find it difficult to stop but help is available if you're willing to seek it out.

I'd avoid the sugary drinks instead, they are hard to drink I think. I'd recommend non-alcoholic beer and Kombucha and worse case, soda water. Also think it's best to avoid the pub. I usually offer to drive when going out, giving others lifts, it stops them pressurising me to drink and makes me popular

Maybe for some a bit of alcohol numbs the stress of working too much, bills, debt, housing, childcare problems, poor pension prospects... they don't enjoy drinking and know it solves nothing, but it's a means of escape. 

The 20 somethings have no idea what's coming to them because the foundations to improve anything in society certainly aren't be laid.

I get this socially too.  It's tough to say "No thanks, much as my liver is telling me to do it I'm going with the tango tonight cheers" for all the right reasons, only to have friends try to browbeat you/peer pressure you into drinking.  The worst are those who are borderline alcoholics, they just want someone to a) keep them company in their drinking and b) make them feel it's 'normal' to drink 2 bottles of wine and fall over when it really isn't.

Sorry if that sounded a bit bitter it's because I am : )

I've found that being able to put your finger on why it is that you're drinking heavily in the first place is really useful. If there's an underlying reason for it, fixing that is probably important to long-term success with the drinking part.

Fortunately I don't generally keep that kind of friendship and if anything am more likely to get virtuous and not drink at all with people like that.

Work is different, telling your boss they are an alcoholic and that you don't approve of them routinely bringing alcohol into the office isn't great for career progression. Nor does it make you popular with co workers, who are more than happy to clock off and have a beer during working hours.

Yes I too am bitter. Although on the plus side I think it's made me realise that I really don't need alcohol as a crutch to having a good time, yes I enjoy a drink, but I also enjoy having a clear head.

I don't agree with this at all, I went tee total in the late 80s, I had the odd "mate" who gave me a hard time over it and I came to the conclusion that if they were not going to support me they weren't actually a mate at all. A bit of good natured ribbing (probably classed as bullying these days) was fine but I wouldn't stand for anyone pressing me to drink. 

Good point.

When I first stopped drinking, I found a lot of people would do the "go on, take a drink!" thing once they were a few pints deep. I think a lot of people feel a bit uncomfortable when they see that there's a "different" way to go out, as it's holding up a mirror to their own behaviour that they would rather not look too deeply into.

I usually found though, that telling people you're not drinking for mental health reasons put a swift end to that.

I found that people adjusted quite quickly to my new MO, it was just the first couple of times going out with people who were used to the pisshead me. 

Wouldn't bother me now, but it caused quite a bit of social anxiety for me at the time when getting used to weddings, funerals etc. sober, so I got in the habit of telling people up front.

If that worked for you then fair play, wouldn't work for me. 

I used a company called one year no beer, I paid a little and used their community resources. I started off doing 3 months and 2.5 years later I still don’t booze at all. Anxiety massively decreased, quite a bit more productive. First weekend is always hard but gets easier very quickly.

Yeah that's one of the biggest reasons I'm quitting, the decrease in anxiety.

Thanks all, didn't expect so many responses. Didn't drink last night, went to the gym. Still feel a bit meh but that's to be expected. Will probably go to the gym to go swimming again tonight. 

Great stuff. We’re all behind you man.. you can do this.

Good stuff.

We’ve got your back.