UKH

/ I took my oldest to uni today

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bleddynmawr - on 11 Sep 2018

The child that made me a parent, and changed my life forever, went to Uni today. She was excited and happy, but why did I cry all the way home? Is this normal? We don'y even get along all that well!!

 

Welsh Kate - on 11 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr:

It's normal.

Be glad that she's excited and happy - hope that it continues in this vein!

Dave the Rave on 11 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr:

Result. Congratulations! The only problem is that if you’ve no younger kids then the wife’s eye will be focussed on YOU! A bit like the Eye in Lord of the Rings.

profitofdoom on 11 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr:

> why did I cry all the way home? Is this normal?

In my opinion it is completely normal. It is a sad and difficult day for many parents. Feeling sad for [what seems like] your loss, and [often] worry about them

Next actions? I'm no expert but suggest 1. keep in close touch with her, and visit her [she'll like that probably], 2. welcome her home when she visits and make her visits good for all of you, 3. try to let go, 4. focus on those left behind with you

Graham Mck on 11 Sep 2018
In reply to profitofdoom:

Taking my daughter to university on Saturday.  Not looking forward to it at all.  Need to hire a removal van for all the stuff she plans to take!!

Pete Pozman - on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to Graham Mck:

This theme comes up every year at this time. I wailed like a baby when my daughter went off to uni. You think it's a rite of passage for them not you . Turn around. And you are at her graduation. So quick... it goes so quick. 

BusyLizzie on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr:

Just about to take my youngest. Wails...

wilkie14c - on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr:

taking oldest lad down to Penryn campus on friday. Just about the furthest away he could possibly be. I too will be crying. Tears of joy.

OMR - on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr:

Several years ago I waved goodbye to my son emigrating to Canada. Two years ago drove my daughter up to Aberdeen to uni. Just last week flew with her out to southern Germany where she'll spend her third year at uni. Hurts every time - although I comfort myself with the fact that, with the internet, Aberdeen, Germany and even Canada aren't so remote as they were when I was their age.

abr1966 - on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to Pete Pozman:

> This theme comes up every year at this time. I wailed like a baby when my daughter went off to uni. You think it's a rite of passage for them not you . Turn around. And you are at her graduation. So quick... it goes so. 

This is so true.....I think I probably started a thread 3 years ago....

This has just reminded me to book a day's leave for my daughters graduation in a few weeks time!

Deadeye - on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr:

Oh we all do/did that,

The motorway on the way up is full of people carriers with 2 parents in front, young adult in back and a boot full of duvets/boxes bags (and a surprising number of teddies).

The motorway on the way home is fuill of people carriers driven by red-eyed and stoney-faced people with a partner blubbing in the passenger seat.

Meanwhile the young adult has swum off into an exciting new world without a blink...

Post edited at 08:34
Siward on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to Deadeye:

Indeed. Same experience here except I was almost jealous, thinking back 20 odd years to when I went. In some ways it'd be nice to do it all over again, but one life only, ho hum.

This made me sob at the time my eldest went:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCNvZqpa-7Q

RX-78 on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr:

My eldest is starting his 3rd year now. Only one more year before my youngest leaves home. Then my wife and I can ski out of peak season!! Every cloud has a silver lining. Funnily enough the eldest is happy to holiday with us.

baron - on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to RX-78:

When I retired from teaching I was so looking forward to being able to ski out of school holidays, no children, no lift queues, empty pistes, etc.

So far that's been the only disappointing thing about retirement!

RX-78 on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to baron:

Why disappointing? Did it not live up to expectations!! Don't shatter my dreams!

LastBoyScout on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr:

Took my eldest to her first day of Reception yesterday - bit emotional, but she was so excited to be going. Barely got a backards glance this morning.

Her favourite pre-school teacher was there (she had older kids at the same school) and she looked pretty emotional.

Greenbanks - on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr:

Normal - I'd say a signal that some sense of positive 'loss' on both sides is a signal that there's likely been a good relationship built.

Been through this on numerous occasions. Mrs G felt it quite badly; I tended to roll with it. I agree with comments on here - there is a trauma. Don't forget that it does affect others (partners, families and the student themselves) and also to cut yourself a bit of slack (especially if you're a bloke...we tend to store emotions as thoughts, rather than talk them through).

Ultimately, again as pointed out, its usually a win-win: your offspring get opportunities to grow and you can celebrate your part in their achievementss, eventually.

baron - on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to RX-78:

> Why disappointing? Did it not live up to expectations!! Don't shatter my dreams!

I don't want to hijack this thread so I'll finish by saying that things were nowhere near as quiet/empty as I'd hoped but it was cheaper - not cheap but cheaper!

blurty - on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr:

I've been taking our lad to open days; it cracks me up that when going round most parents are more interested than the kids (Oh, the SU has been refurbished. I remember seeing the Redskins here in '85 etc etc (that was actually me!))

It's great to see them off on the next stage of their adventure

 

bedspring on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr:

I am going to give you a tip now, remember it.
They will be graduating in a 3 or 4 years and hopefully you will be their crying.
Do not try and photograph it. Watch it through your eyes, not through a lens.

1
Lornajkelly - on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to bedspring:

My best friend and I both graduated in the same ceremony with PhDs earlier this summer.  We agreed that my parents would attempt to photograph her on the stage, and her parents would photograph me.  That way everybody gets to see their daughter shake hands with the VC with their own eyes, and yet still gets a photo.  The photos didn't exactly work out, but that's of little consequence.

And I was brought up in Merseyside, then went to university in Bristol.  Three hours up the M5 and M6 for my parents, wailing their eyes out.  Poor sods.  Meanwhile I was already in the bar!

 

bleddynmawr - on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr:

Thank you all for your advice and support.

Do not listen to that Tim Minchin song unless you really like weeping though!

baron - on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr:

Wait till they move back in when they've finished uni, then you'll know what crying is!  

Rigid Raider - on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr:

Year two for us but we will still miss ours. He's been unwell and I've broken my collar bone so we haven't done much in the way of son & dad bonding cycling trips this summer, shame.

PaulTclimbing - on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr:

Four years ago, my son regularly expressed interest in emigrating to Canada. I said a holiday would be good so I bought three outward tickets to Canada and two were returns. After visiting the Rockies by train etc it was time for home. Handing out the return tickets he said where's mine. I said here's two thousand pounds to start you off and here's to a great life and fortune in Canada (he used to like watching Ice Road Truckers etc)..... well that was the plan.....but I couldn't go through with it...and every year since  I've been reading his Uni work on Geography and climate change courtesy of a lovely Welsh seaside university etc and he's got his MA dissertation in today. He's a lovely kid, and I'm so glad I didn't go through with my quick growing up plan but a little bit of me also thinks what might have been.

Rigid Raider - on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr:

Actually my parents did this to me when I was eight years old. They didn't even take me to boarding school; the parents of another boy who lived nearby took me away. I cried for three days and my mum says that as I drove away they also howled. 

mbh - on 12 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr:

We've got six kids, in Cornwall. Four went to university, two emigrated and one works in a pub. Go figure. The youngest is still doing his degree but hasn't left home. A very nice boy, we're helping him as we can, but there are times when I wish we had had at some point to blub on the way back from the far reaches of the M6. Or the A9. 

Never mind, graduation will soon be along, and I LOVE going to those. I so wish I had done one when I was young. Mum would have loved it.

Pete Pozman - on 13 Sep 2018
In reply to abr1966:

> This is so true.....I think I probably started a thread 3 years ago....

> This has just reminded me to book a day's leave for my daughters graduation in a few weeks time!

And book your accommodation early or you'll be forking out like we did ????

Timmd on 13 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr: If it helps, my Mum and came to understand that we were 'Too alike', and we got on a lot better after that. 

Post edited at 02:13
Davy Gunn - on 13 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr:

As a selfish climber having kids changed me forever and being a parent has been the best thing ever. Nothing beats the unconditional love you have and and to a parent your children are always that, no matter what age they are. Always be there for them if you can and have an open heart and mind and listen to them and not judge.  No one knows what is around the corner for us and them, so make time with them count. With 3 kids 2 of who have graduated and one in 3rd year with 2 to go at Uni each graduation is a blessing as for the entire uni time the big C has been part of our lives and my missus being there for each one and not being sure about the next as it spreads has been especially poignant. Tears of joy and gratitude.  Let them fly and be there for them. Don't imagine your job as a parent is done.  They will be ok but be there to catch them if they are not. The world we are leaving them may not be as secure and stable as what we enjoyed.

Post edited at 11:31
blurty - on 13 Sep 2018
In reply to Davy Gunn:

Do you want to swap kids? 

neilh - on 14 Sep 2018
In reply to bleddynmawr:

I am taking my youngest to Uni next weekend, have 2 girls, eldest now works in London after graduating. I am looking forward to her going as it is a sign that she is mature enough and has itchy feet to move on ( so I reckon we have done a good parenting job so to speak and I want her to stand on her own two feet).

I love reading the syllabus for the youngest 's degree, she is doing maths, as I do not understand a word of it and I find it amazing that she has taken to it like a duck to water.

It is an exciting time for her.

Children are great.


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