UKH

Who has or does suffer from Irritability, what have you found that helps? It's making my life miserable not to mention wife and child. I need some advice please. Have seen GP already but haven't helped much.

In reply to The Potato:

sing this loud

 

Walking through the park, I'm like a child at play
Thinking about the things I said I'd do today
Yeah, the state of things is getting bad, it's getting me down
I think I'll pack up all my bags and leave this town

It's getting me down

Money is the only thing that turns me on
But someone else has got it and I got none
Oh give it to me baby that's a what I need
Living not existing that's the thing for me

It's getting me down
I said it's getting me down

It's getting me down

I said I'm walking through the park, I'm like a child at play
Thinking about the things I said I'd do today
The state of things is getting bad, it's getting me down
I said I'll pack up all my bags and leave this town

It's getting me down
It's getting me down
It's getting me down

youtube.com/watch?v=SRgCjPaqvh8&

In reply to The Potato:

What is irritating you?

In reply to The Potato:

I'll be interested to see if you get any really good advice on this one, though I myself have nothing to offer but the bleedin' obvious I'm afraid.  I find I'm much more relaxed about things that might otherwise annoy me if I'm getting enough sleep and exercise.  (In my case 'enough' sleep is really quite a lot.)

How's your mood more generally?  Might you be a bit depressed?  Um..  It's not seasonal is it, with the darkness closing in?  This is such a trite suggestion that I'm almost embarrassed to make it but..  if you're not getting enough daylight perhaps it couldn't hurt to start taking a vitamin D supplement.

In reply to The Potato:

What - everything and anything without any particular cause or warning.

Plenty of exercise and still getting sunlight, not depression, I know that one well enough.

In reply to The Potato:

My dad was an irritable sod right up till my mum got Alzheimer's, which changed his perspectives completely. He now has the patience of a saint. Bit extreme to recommend as a cure though.

Usual recommendations would be to cut out alcohol and caffeine (and any other mood altering substances), get more exercise, get more relaxation, and work out what the major stressors in your life are then try to limit them.

If one of your major stressors is yourself, then counseling to try to discover what's eating you is a good idea. My dad used to joke that the only problem with going on holiday is that you have to take yourself with you. I never really understood that joke until my mental health went far enough downhill for me to realise I needed help.

Counselling was hard, and I've accepted that I'll be on a journey of self acceptance for the rest of my life, but it's made me more comfortable in my own skin and a much nicer person to be around.

Edit: started that post before your last message above, in light of which I guess none of that applies.

In reply to The Potato:

Have you had your bloods done recently? If the GP isn’t much help just use a private company like Thriva. Check your testosterone levels among other things and see if anything is particularly off. Low T can be linked to low mood and irritability. 

In reply to The Potato:

This sounds quite profound. I think you should ask a professional (GP or mental health advisors etc.)

Not only because of you, but because of your loved ones too.

I sincerely hope you figure it out. Good luck!

In reply to The Potato:

It looks like you understand the problem, it took me until retirement to understand that i was grumpy. I dont have a solution apart dont drive yourself into the ground.

Look at your self through your wifes and childs eyes.

The NHS offered me some colouring in books as a solution, thanks but no thanks.

In reply to The Potato:

I find I mainly get irritable when I'm stuck in a situation I don't want to be in but can't find my way out. At differnt times in my life that might have been been work or a personal situation. 

Sometimes that might be a situation that is only going to last a few hours, sometimes it might be a situation that is going to persist for years unless I take drastic action.

The soultion for me has been to find my way out of that situation, or gain acceptance that I am stuck, at least for a while. Neither of these solutions have alway been easy, or pain free. 

In reply to The Potato:

The list of bollocks that gets on my titties would auto close the thread down from too many words ...

Learn the art of letting it all wash over you, it works for me.

In reply to The Potato:

I realised, some months after moving to rural French Pyrenees, that I was far more relaxed than I had been for years coping with UK levels of stress, traffic and hectic pace of life.

I've never looked back.

Not a solution available to all, I accept, and even for me it wasn't an intended outcome, but I won't be regretting it any time soon.

In reply to mountain.martin:

For me, irritability is a coping mechanism for external stimuli I don't have the resources to deal with. In the wild, it would be the push to fight poor circumstance. In an office job, or a marital discussion, it's obviously a less useful impulse. 

As others have said, finding ways to change your situation so your brain can recharge is vital. Being in the outdoors, physical activity etc completely resets my brain. I think it's down to how the caveman in me needs to have a stronger connection between action and consequence, and in our modern world actions often feel like they are meaningless. Climbing really is the antithesis to that. 

You might need some counselling to help you figure out what's causing your emotional resilience to be so worn out. I have no experience with medication but I can imagine there are situations where it is applicable. 

In reply to The Potato:

"My irritability keeps me alive and kicking"

In reply to The Potato:

Somebody famous once said 'Hell is other people'. If I think about most of the irritation I've encountered it's virtually all been delivered by another person.

In reply to The Potato:

Have you discounted any medication you take ? I remember having headache tablets with codeine and that could make me irritable. 

In reply to The Potato:

Look up the stress bucket theory. It was life changing for me. In a nutshell, making 100 seemingly insignificant changes and improvements to your life will have a big positive impact. We rarely get stressed to breaking point by single big issues, it's usually a combination of seemingly minor niggles. Good luck

In reply to dunc56:

I'm pretty sure proton pump inhibitors affected my mood but it was more low mood than irritability.

In reply to The Potato:

Do you drink? Try cutting that out for a month. Even small amounts can really affect your mental state, particularly sleep quality. 

In reply to The Potato:

Meditate 

In reply to The Potato:

Some good suggestions to try here thanks

I stopped alcohol in Feb, doesn't seem to have made much of a difference to irritability for me though.

In reply to DaveHK:

PPIs can cause mineral deficiencies, which can lead to low mood.  In my experience of having had reflux for years and tried all manner of stuff, I find H2 blockers to be far worse for doing that.

A curious one, the corticosteroid beclamethasone (as found in some asthma inhalers e.g. Fostair and in Beconase) makes me depressed.  I take a dose and about 15 minutes later want to cry for no reason.  It's bizarre.

In reply to The Potato:

Do you drink a lot of caffeine?  If so perhaps you may want to cut down a bit or even give it up, as it does cause that in some people.  Partly because it's a stimulant but also partly because it can reduce sleep quality and tiredness does equate to irritability in most people (indeed, are you waking up refreshed or tired?)

My Dad had to give it up entirely for medical reasons and definitely seems calmer without.

In reply to The Potato: how about caffeine? Spending too much time reading about things that annoy or upset you? I get irritable when I’m burnt out. The answer for me is  having more rest and time alone and saying no more often so I have energy for the things that matter. You’re not obliged to tolerate anything and everything so if something does your nut in, set some clearer boundaries.  

In reply to The Potato:

You don’t say how old the child is.  Life gets full on when they first come along and at some point down the line as the madness becomes more manageable, it’s a good idea to talk together about both what the triggers for stress are, how you support each other in managing things before they come up, and in how you each get some of that all important me-time.  Mostly for me that seems to involve digging ditches recently which is helping with the podge.

In reply to The Potato:

In my experience you need to somehow work out the triggers which may not be obvious and could be complex. You may need help to do so or could trying and work them out. Unfortunately, there can be so many triggers and some are uncommon (side effects of drugs/drug interactions) others maybe lifestyle choices. Everyone is different and the apparent same thing (say alcohol) is known to have a range of effects on individuals.

Don’t discount indirect connections. For example you mention getting plenty of sun. That does not necessarily mean that you can make vit d properly or store it though. I know of one person sunlight has no effect on their vit d levels and they need ongoing supplementation. Also, stopping alcohol, consider if sugar (or lack of) affects you now; personally I get more irritable if I don’t get enough sugar (or water for that matter).

Trying not to overlap what others have said, gut biome is important and can have a significant effect on mood for some more than others. IBS is known to have an effect on mood.

Maybe look at diet, sleep, “self time” to reset, new hobby, or whatever. Don’t forget your GP should be a source of help but it may take some time to narrow down triggers to be able to present to them.

One interim thing and particularly for dealing with your family - practice pausing before responding/reacting. Deep slow breaths for a few seconds, think what was said/done that is irritating to you, take time to re think that and process it, and then decide does it really matter, and if you have to respond, do so positively rather than your normal reaction.

In reply to The Potato:

Irritability is obviously internal to how you handle stuff, not the stuff itself, as some (annoyingly calm) people would sail through the same situations without even occuring to them that anything is irritating.

It'll probably get lumped into the same bucket as depression even though it's not necessary related in any way to depression or any low mood  symptoms.

If you get irritated from time to time it's normal. If you are a bit kranky them maybe you're just a crotchety pain in the arse kind of person (probably describes me too well for comfort).

But if it's getting to the level where you're aware it's affecting your relationships and you're aware that you unreasonably suddenly blew up or snapped at people with no justification... (this getting too close for comfort for my personal situation) to the point you're asking about it here .. I think you need to seriously pursue this somehow, beyond  asking on a forum.

Good luck, probably quite a few people reading relate to this, even if they don't comment. You certainly aren't on your own with this.

In reply to The Potato:

Sort your diet out, cut out all ultra processed foods and go with a mostly whole foods approach. Resistance training 3-5 times a week. Be grateful for all the good things that you currently have and don't just take them for granted. 

In reply to Shaneclimbing:

Already done my man

In reply to Isabelle Booker:

I have wondered about caffeine, but I only have two to three coffees a day, and not after 4pm.

I'll give it a go without, I suppose won't do any harm

In reply to Neil Williams:

That's not odd at all, quite normal response to corticosteroids, I've not had to use any for years thankfully but it's a classic side effect

In reply to The Potato:

How long have you been feeling irritated? Getting worse? Always been there?

In reply to The Potato:

How old are you?

Other good bits of advice on here but I know as a 58 year old blokes that my irritability is definitely linked to good diet and gut health....if I look after myself I'm far less likely to feel irritated but I'm rubbish at maintaining it. I have spells of full on super healthy with exercise interspersed with spells of drinking and poor diet. My mood is stable but low tolerance and irritation are 100% linked to the unhealthy periods...

In reply to The Potato:

The strange thing is that it's only that one, not all.  I've changed inhalers (and don't buy Beconase any more) and it's stopped.

Mind you I also take montelukast for asthma, and the leaflet with that warns of all manner of unpleasantness, including really bad stuff like suicidal ideation (it's sometimes recommended to take it for the first time with someone there who can help in case that happens),  yet that did nothing at all bar improve my asthma (and being a mild immune suppressant also reduce my hay fever and cat allergy somewhat).

In reply to The Potato:

That's WAY more caffeine than I can cope with. Like someone else said, things affect all of us differently. All you can do is use trial and error to work out what helps you and what doesn't

40, always there to some extent but usually managable, I accept part of it is just my personality but should be able to function with other people

In reply to The Potato:

Sounds as though you need to occupy your time with more things that are enjoyable. Apart from the extraordinary tonic of exercise, how about taking up some satisfying hobbies, such as playing a musical instrument? Or just put on some music and dance!

In reply to The Potato:

See in your profile that you are a fell runner. You are not overtraining by any chance?

In reply to JimR:

Not updated it in a while, more of a cyclist and trail runner now 😉

In reply to The Potato:

Still possible to overtrain😀how many hours are you doing a week?

In reply to JimR:

It's not overtraining, I've done several ultramarathons, I know what that feels like, thanks though

In reply to The Potato:

I've trained myself to be come less irritable over the years. If you're a confrontational type its harder but still possible. Accepting that others have a completely different viewpoint from myself has helped and their idea of fun is not mine and vice versa. Its fine to disagree agreeably especially if the object of your ire really is pretty irrelevant in the scheme of things. People with different views and agendas to yourself will always exist and either accepting or ignoring them has worked for me.. Often trying to explain your viewpoint is pointless as some people are so entrenched in their views that whatever you say will just annoy them, and of course yourself. Many views are irrational when examined closely, including some of my own, acceptance is a skill you may need to work on.

In reply to Dave Ferguson:

Logic

In reply to The Potato:

I can be quite irritable. I gave up booze years ago and gave up coffee a couple of months ago. I had previously drunk both to excess. Made no difference. 
I have come to realise that my dad was quite irritable and that’s maybe where I get it from. Probably not genetically, but in that he set my standard for acceptable behaviour. Once I realised that I was sometimes behaving like a cu?t, just like he did, it helped a little. I don’t have kids but I if I did I wouldn’t want to pass that particular legacy on to them. 

In reply to john arran:

Not since 2020 at any rate.  Coincidentally a major source of irritation for me.

OP: This has turned out to be a very interesting thread which for me is provoking much thought and reflection.

In reply to The Potato:

Do you meticulously keep up to date with the radio/TV/printed news media? That's the main thing that makes me very irritable. I think the reason is that it is related to a kind of helplessness and inability to control my surroundings when bombarded with all the stupidity and general crap going on in the world. 

I'm getting a bit wiser to it now and if I feel irritability coming on, I have to drag myself away by the scruff of the neck and divert to doing something more positive and enjoyably meditative, like walking, cycling or working in the woods. The distraction works every time. I also subscribe to a publication called 'Positive News', bought for me as a Christmas present by my niece, who clearly got fed up with me banging on angrily about the media (she works as a journalist!). 

Taking holidays away from the mainstream news media risks not sounding well informed enough to hold down a decent conversation with others about the latest sh!t hitting the headlines, but because I have to take care of my mental health perhaps more so than most, I reckon it's a risk worth taking.

Edit: typo

In reply to AllanMac:

I’m with you on that, I can’t watch some news cos it makes me angry and stressed

In reply to The Potato:

Have you tried mediation? I use the Waking Up app daily. Really helps the wife and I. 

In reply to The Potato:

I take an ADHD med in the morning. It wears off after approx 14 hours and in the evenings I'm much more likely to be irritable - even I notice it sometimes. Without the med I'd be irritable for a lot more of the time - ask my wife, she notices my "state" so much more than I do 😁 (the irritability's not why I take the med although it obviously helps).

Although I was diagnosed with adult ADHD I'm pretty sure that's not what I've got - but I'm not neurotypical and I reckon my neurology overlaps enough with ADHD to make an ADHD med useful.

Is there any possibility that you've got ADHD or that you've got a large neurological overlap with ADHD (i.e. display some but not all of the typical behaviours)?

In reply to peterdavidgrant:

Surely you mean https://www.ukclimbing.com/logbook/crags/chee_dale_lower-10866/meditation-1... a cracking route!

In reply to The Potato:

You getting enough good sleep?

Only time i get irritable is invariably cos I'm overtired 

In reply to AllanMac:

All of this. I've found for a long time that being away from the news is good for my general mental well being. Being away from social media is helpful too. I had a two week holiday in July and on day three my phone got soaked in a thunderstorm so for the rest of the trip I had no phone. Logistically this was a PITA but cutting the umbilical cord from FB/UKC/News/etc was very liberating. I'm finding it quite difficult to do voluntarily.

In reply to The Potato:

I rarely watch or read the news, things like facebook and social media news I know are intentionally inflammatory

ADHD, not that I'm aware of, definitely not on the AS either.

Meditation, yes have done in the past and very much enjoyed it. I find I can put myself in to a meditative state when I want to during long runs or rides which does the same thing. Walking Buddha, stone Buddha etc.

In reply to doz:

Try some magnesium to support sleep if lying awake is an issue