The Perils of Outdoor/Trad Climbing Grades.
Mod. Climbed in the rain as a child with one keen parent and one accommodating parent. You bond with the latter.
Diff. Climbed with keen parent only. You suspect they find it harder than they let on.
VDiff. Climbed solo as a keen youth, with near disasterous results. You don't notice.
HVD. You skip this grade in favour of a much touted Severe at your local roadside crag.
Severe. Your first mid-route traverse onto safer ground.
Very Severe. You wonder what the fuss was about, despite placing 900% more gear than the first ascensionist.
Hard Very Severe. You give up climbing 5 times in one route. Ascent time, 11 minutes per meter.
Extreme 1 (E one). Three years and roughly £850 at a climbing wall pays off....
E2. Ahh the difference between dolerite quarries and Glencoe. Perhaps this grading system needs 'r's and 'x's...
E3. Your first fall onto insitu gear. (respect the rock, love that one peg in particular)
E4. Not as cool as an E5 but equally dangerous, you rightly avoid. A grade for people who both own, and can justify owning, softshell trousers.
E5. You are aware you could climb this grade once and then happily retire to a long lifetime of boasting. Place a runner off route and never, ever mention it to anyone.
E6. Hmm, unlikely. Only if there's a certain someone at the crag you'd really like to impress, the sun's out, you're on holiday and the belayer is a junior doctor.
E7. Ok, so you've read "..and one for the crow", but landing on slate from 20m up will still pinch. If only you could take your brain out and stick it down your forearms.
E8. Never let footage of a sponsored athlete fool you into trying something instead of buying something.
E9. I mean, we'd all like to. If the world was ending, would you have time to drive to Wales?
E10. Surprisingly, if you can boulder 8m of 7c+, you're golden.
E11. Dave Mac (yes i've met him)
E12. James Pearson. (no i shan't)
