UKH

I had a recent bad experience with finding a climbing partner on UKC and wanted to see if anyone else has had similar experiences.

I put a post up on the finding partners forum the other week. I has planned to do some multipitch in Snowdonia on the 29th and 30th of May. A guy called Steve got back to me and say he was keen as he would be camping up in the Snowdonia that week. It was arranged and I booked myself into the YHA at Conwy for the Sunday and Monday night.

On Sunday I sent Steve a text to confirm our plans. I told him I would meet him at the Ogwen Visitor centre at 9 am on Monday morning. He said good and if anything changed he would let me know.

Monday morning. 9 am. I'm standing outside the visitor centre in the rain. I waited about 40 minutes and of course-Steve was a no show. I drove down to Bethesda and rang him. No answer. I texted and whatsapped and got nothing back. I then drove back to the hostel- picked up the rest of my gear and cancelled my booking for Monday night- of course no refund! Then I had to look forward to a 4 hour drive in the Bank holiday Monday traffic.

What can I say- Steve is clearly a jerk. He has as yet to reply to me- not holding out much hope for that. Since I've joined UKC I've been disappointed by the people I keep on meeting on the forum. One girl got stuck half-way up a V-diff! Anyhow has anyone else been stood up or screwed over on here? It can't be just me? Or is it!!

In reply to declankel:

Perhaps something happened that you have no idea about?

Be a bit shit if Steve was in a car crash or something and you are calling him a jerk on the very forum you are complaining about. Not sure what you are hoping to get out of posting this on here.

In reply to CragRat11:

CragRat,

I completely agree- but as I can see he was last active on WhatsApp an hour ago I'm certain he is totally fine. And I'm not complaining about the forum- I'm complaining about some of the people I've met on the forum.

As regards with what I'm hoping to get- I said in the post- I'm just curious if anyone else has had similar experiences.

In reply to declankel:

Fair enough.
Certainly looks more like a passive aggressive way to have a pop at Steve though ey.....

In reply to declankel:

40 minutes may seem like a long time but you can easily be delayed that long on the motorway, during which, of course, it is an offence to use your phone.

I think I'd have headed to the pub for a quick coffee/Coke, texted him where I was, and waited a little longer.

Though people much younger than me tend not to, as they rely on instant communication my generation didn't have when we grew up.

Neil

In reply to Neil Williams:

Neil- Yeah I originally hoped that he had been massively delayed so I waited in Betheseda and sent him a text and phoned him and got no reply. I tried phone him a few more times and got no response. I eventually left about 10.30 so I reckon I gave him enough to reply.

In reply to CragRat11:

CragRat,

Are you mates with this guy or something?

In reply to declankel:

Every time this subject comes up, I always say the same thing. Almost all of my climbing partners have been from UKC and they have all, without exception, been fantastic people. To the extent that I consider some of them good friends, and have met up just for a beer.

Shame you seem to have had a bad experience, however it seems to me unlikely that someone would just be a no-show having confirmed the night before. Maybe he had some family tragedy and had to drop everything, maybe he has been in an accident and the log-on to whatsapp was emergency services look for his ICE contact. Or maybe he's just totally stitched you up!

Either way please don't write everyone off, there's some beautiful folk on here. Also, I definitely would've made the most of the weather and gone scrambling or hill walking, not sure why you just abandoned the whole trip!

In reply to Dave 88:

Dave,

I'd never write people off- It's just very frustrating. As my girlfriend was at home I figured I should spend the evening with her rather than go hillwalking by myself in the rain! As much as I love Snowdonia- I figured I might as well just go home!

In reply to declankel:

Sounds fair.

In reply to declankel:

I have had a bad experience with one guy he was down for a few days in Snowdonia and he was looking for partners for while he was down so I was free on one of the days and we had fine weather to look forward to so I messaged him and added him on Facebook so we could make our plans

Well late afternoon early evening the day before he messaged me to say he had injured his ankle on Snowdon that day and wouldn't be able to make our meet as he was going to head home as it was quite bad, fair enough these things happen I said and fortunately managed to find someone else at the last minute

But I noticed he had deleted me off Facebook strange I thought but when I had a look on his FB to confirm he had actually deleted me, he had changed his profile picture to himself on Faith Idwal slabs so out of curiosity I had a look at his UKC profile and he had logged Faith for the day we were meant to be meeting so I guess he wanted to put up his pictures of the day without me clocking them or maybe his ankle suddenly recovered and he luckily found a new climbing partner the next morning!

But to balance it out I have met many reliable partners on here and had plenty good days out and also some long term climbing partners who I gladly call friends

In reply to LJJ77:

Some strange people out there- I don't understand why people aren't just honest. I'd rather someone say I don't want to climb with you or I just can't be arsed rather than making up bizarre excuses or not replying at all. Glad you had more positive experiences though!

In reply to declankel:

Understandable to be pissed off being that you've made the trip especially and didn't get any communication on the day. But on the other hand, maybe he just checked the forecast, noted it was pissed down and assumed that calls an end to proceedings. Would have been nice if he'd let you know though.

I know when we arrange climbing on a Saturday morning if we wake up to rain then the by default the trip is off and no one needs to text around it's just known, but then I guess with regular partners you develop such mutual understandings.

On balance I'm on your side on this one, he should have let you know as soon as the weather looked crap that morning.

In reply to declankel:

That's fair enough mate. Just wanted to add a bit of balance!

Please let us know if you ever find out what happened with this bloke.

In reply to Lord_ash2000:
I'd imagine that's pretty unusual, particularly if you're keen. We'd potentially change venue to somewhere perma-dry and if all else fails would head indoors.

declan:
I've met tons and tons of people on Ukc, many of which are really good friends now, of all grades and abilities. I did meet one guy who was a douche when I lived in London. I travelled to Swanage for a days climbing with him, when I got there he announced that he'd never belayed before.
If he genuinely just didn't turn up and didn't reply to your calls you can call the guy a bellend guilt free.

In reply to declankel:

Was it really necessary to start 2 threads on this subject?

In reply to Lord_ash2000:

I'd be really upset too if someone didn't call and just didn't turn up because of rain. That's a lame excuse.

I climbed with Dave88 and in his words "well if it rains; we can just go aid something hard in the rain" - that kind of climbing partner is hard to find but it should be the bench mark

Hopefully the guy is okay but I sympathise with the OP. It would be annoying to get ghosted on a trip when you've made so much effort. If the guy had a problem, fair enough, but you owe someone the courtesy of at least a text message!

In reply to CragRat11:


He's not named him fully, and you can't really blame him for having a pop. It's only polite to ring somebody and discuss possible options rather than leave them hanging.

In reply to declankel:

This is always a risk when hooking up with complete strangers. I've never had to use UKC as I'm lucky enough to be able to pull from a pool of good friends. There is an odd mentality in a small minority who seem to think they can just bin people off. I remember last year somebody was in Italy and got stung when a partner ran out of money and thought it was ok to disappear without paying the poor bloke back. No diferent to a climber lending a stranded walker a rainjacket and never getting it back. These are a minority but perhaps a feedback section on UKC when using partners could be of benefit.

In reply to declankel:

sure its a dick move ignoring you, but overall im not sure what your complaining about... sounds like you wouldn't have got any climbing done in the rain anyway... but YOU chose to cancel your booking and drive home in the traffic instead of doing what most folk on here would do when in Snowdonia in the rain and going for a fantastic scramble/walk/sightseeing. you have no one to blame but yourself for that. Snowdonia is a beautiful place to be in any weather!

In reply to declankel:

I've met some really sound people, and re aquaintend with people I've met elsewhere in the past from the wall etc on ukc arranged meets/ partners. I've also had one or two who overstated their abilities and I've ended up being an instructor / coach for the day. There have also been one or two who I didn't gel with - such is life.

Op,
I'm amazed that in North Wales you couldn't find a partner, boulderers with mats, solo, shunt, walk, wild camp for a day and had to turn around and go home. It sucks being stood up, or finding your new partner is just new, or not right for you. But you could have had a nice day anyway?

Don't give up on ukc as a supply of friendship and partners. It's not always a rainy day, next time it may just be perfect.

In reply to Webster:

Webster,

You're not sure what I'm complaining about? It was my choice to drive home but it wasn't my choice to be stood up! If he had turned up we could have done something- either scrambling or even went indoors. I'm a keen mountaineer and have been all over Snowdonia so didn't fancy walking around by myself for the day. Also because I am in the military I am rarely at home. Instead of spending the bank holiday Sunday night and Monday with my girlfriend I went to Wales to meet this guy who assured me on Sunday if anything changed he would let me know. I figured as it was a no go I should actually go home.

In reply to declankel:

On the plus side, you've got TWO decent threads out of the situation. Every cloud and all that..

In reply to declankel:

Not good, but put it down to a one-off. Quite frankly, I've upped my grade thru meeting UKCers who've pushed/cajoled/encouraged me! Cheers Neil, Eric, Rob, Richard et al. In business they say it takes 10 good experiences to make up for 1bad, so I can only suggest, get out there.

In reply to declankel:

It may be me and I'm getting on and all that, but there is no way I would commit to meeting up with someone for a weekend without having met them first.

I've been climbing a few times with people met on UKC and it's been fine, but for a weekend? And never even met? You have to be joking. That's not how the world is.

Oh, and I'm not sure what you mean by this: 'One girl got stuck half-way up a V-diff! ' WTF is your point? Are you an E9 leader? (And even if you were, that wouldn't give you the right to slag off someone for failing at a lower grade.)

So it may be that the while you are pointing a finger at UKC and climbers generally, it could be that two fingers are pointing right back at you.

In reply to Rob Exile Ward:

Rob

Of course its a lesson for me- I should have met him first. A mistake I won't be making again. I'm not pointing the finger at UKC- its a website not a person- I'm not pointing the finger at climbers in general- that would make no sense. I am pointing the finger merely at the person who told me he would turn up and then didn't. I don't understand why you seem so upset.

With regards to the girl that got stuck half-way up a V-diif. I obviously didn't give enough a detail. She told me she was a good climber and climbed higher grades than that. The route was practically a mod and she had clearly never climbed before- putting herself and myself at risk. I am not a great climber- not by any margin- I'm chuffed at HS! But I don't say I'm something at not. Its dangerous to do so. I learnt because people were willing to teach me- and I am willing to teach others. if the girl had been honest I would have been happy to help her. I hate people that too arrogant to help others. But I also don't see why anyone would exaggerate.

With regards to two fingers pointing at me...are you actually being serious. That's hardly constructive. Do you really need to be like that? That's no need for that. Not cool.

In reply to declankel:

I've met and climbed with a few people off here and the worst I've had is one or two who claim to be climbing far higher grades than they actually are and then get stuck on things. Although, this did end up pushing me to climb harder when a load of my gear was stuck in a route I would otherwise have dodged as being too hard and I decided to climb it because I didn't want to have the faff of setting up and retrieving an abseil.

In reply to Rob Exile Ward:


This sounds a bit like a catch 22 to me. What do you do if you want to go away climbing for the weekend and the folk you know are busy or otherwise can't make it?

In reply to Michael Gordon:


I don't presume to answer for Rob but to me it's obvious - Rob wouldn't go climbing. He wouldn't risk a wasted journey. He'd do something else with the weekend. There is after all a lot more to life than climbing.

In reply to Rob Exile Ward:


If you're taking a novice climbing, and you get them way too scared and so out of their comfort zone they get cragfast - then it's you who've f(*&ked up, not the novice.

In reply to:

Steve and Savvas/Mountain Spirit should become climbing partners.
That way, they could both arrange to meet up to go climbing with each other, but with absolutely no actual intent of doing so.
Perfect...

In reply to Blue Straggler:


Assuming his reply would have been similar, I'll give my response. Of course there's more to life than climbing, but if at any particular time climbing is what you want to do (and you have the option of getting out) then why decide not to, on the small chance that someone may not show up? In my opinion in this situation the weekend would just be wasted on purpose rather than through bad luck.

In reply to declankel:
I've hooked up with 4 people on UKC. One was a no show, one got kicked out of the climbing wall first route of the day, one hated me at first sight (obviously an intelligent chap) and found another partner 30 mins into the session, and the last one was great. The one positive experience was with a nice Czech chap (make of that what you will). I'm currently learning to self belay, and have also taken up bouldering.

In reply to Blue Straggler:


You've totally lost me now.

In reply to Scotch Bingington:

3 out of 4 bad experiences?
Perhaps it's you

In reply to deacondeacon:


Probably. Maybe my non -show did turn up, saw me warming up, then legged it out quick!

In reply to SenzuBean:


I think you need to read his following post where he mentioned that the person claimed to be a competent climber but then turned out to be anything but.

In reply to Scotch Bingington:

"one got kicked out of the climbing wall first route of the day"

Wait, what? This sounds hilarious, what happened?

In reply to declankel:

Your bad experience is not representative of UKC people. Just looked at my logbook and I see I have climbed with 49 (!) people met through these forums in the last 12 years. I've learned from all of them. I've also found that as they have all been nice, friendly people it has helped me become a more relaxed and open person.

Most were one offs and loads I've got on great with. A handful of people I didn't hit it off with and I am sure some of them weren't so keen on me, but I've had no terrible experiences or epics. Some became regular climbing partners, some are occasional but no less great to climb with and lovely to catch up with. I have been stood up by no-one.

Also, on the strength of a few emails about ability levels and goals I went on a week-long ice trip to La Grave (excellent person) and another being the fourth person to Rjukan (worked out very well too).

So a million thanks to all the lovely UKC randoms!

In reply to declankel:

The world is full of people who are swanning around looking for opportunities and if a better offer comes along they will take it. I don't think e-communication has made this any worse.

In reply to declankel:

I've climbed with dozens of people off UKC over 5 or so years and don't ever recall someone not showing without having sent me a text or email first to cancel. I would normally only climb with people with a profile filled in in some detail, although the few times I've climbed with those who haven't they've been fine. There have been some memorable incidents, though, which are quite funny to look back on. One chap had car problems so after he'd struggled across country to get to the meeting point we then spent the morning driving about looking for someone to fix it -- and didn't get any climbing done. Another climber, several years ago, made it clear, in a somewhat indirect but unmistakeable manner, that he didn't think much of my climbing ability. Later that day he got stuck performing a 4b move on second.

In reply to Scotch Bingington:

Crikey, it takes some effort to get kicked out of a climbing wall. What on earth did he do?

In reply to beefy_legacy:


It happened a few years ago at a certain university affiliated climbing wall. It was pretty busy, being an evening in October - I had only ever been at lunchtime and didn't realise quite how rammed it gets. Whilst I was sitting around waiting for my prospective new friend turn up I watched with interest as someone was dropped from around the fourth clip of a route nearby. He was injured a bit (not too bad I'm happy to say) and the centre manager was one of those in attendance.

As the incident was being sorted out, my new buddy turned up. We had a quick chat, I tied on, and led up the first route of the evening, under the interested gaze of the centre manager. Once I'd 'sent' the route (with a certain amount of competent aplomb, I'm not too modest to admit) the manager approached us and had a word with my erstwhile belayer. "You are not belaying safely, you are holding the belay device open whilst he climbs" says the manager. "Do you know how long I've been climbing for" responds my new best-est buddy". "I don't care how long you've been climbing" the manager solemnly intones "We've just had a accident due to bad belaying, and I don't want another one. If you're going to have an attitude, then you can leave and pick up a refund on your way out". "This is why I hate climbing walls" sez my (soon to be) former best-est buddy, and stomps off. Leaving me sans partner. I potter around the bouldering area for a few minutes, before deciding that the volume of bodies is so great that a solo attempt of Fitz Roy (in winter, obviously) would be safer.

So off I toddle. Not a great evening. I wasn't even offered a refund! And I never did get up Fitz Roy.

In reply to Scotch Bingington:

At least you survived! Sounds like you were lucky the manager was around!

In reply to Scotch Bingington:


So the manager waited for you to complete the route and come down before mentioning that your belayer was unsafe?

In reply to Michael Gordon:

Well, I'll give my answer now! A climbing weekend can be a pretty intense and intimate experience, IMHO - what sort of accommodation, food, choice of location, possible venues and wet weather alternatives, etc etc etc. I just wouldn't commit to sorting all that out at the weekend without having met up first. After all, they could turn out to be teetotal vegan E9 obsessives.

If I didn't/don't have a partner for a weekend I'm very happy just to take off and do some walks and scrambles and if I did arrange to meet up with someone for a day that would be fine, but if they didn't make it, I would be slightly pi$$ed off but would have a Plan B.

In reply to Blue Straggler:


Say what?!

In reply to planetmarshall:


Ha ha. Yes. At least he was watching. I guess he didn't think it a good idea to distract him. Or something.

In reply to Scotch Bingington:

Many many yrs ago, at my local wall, I paired up with a VERY confident bloke from the states, we had both been hanging around the wall hoping someone would turn up solo or in a three. BEFORE I started climbing with him a member of staff warned me not to...nowadays I would take that advice!

We toproped for maybe 30 min, me increasingly socially awkward about telling him his belaying wasn't great, and him treating my polite hints as water off a duck's back, until I finally said enough, not climbing with you.
I'm still shaking my head that I could be so stupid, 20 yrs later. And I almost never tell anyone!

In reply to BrendanO:


Nowadays he'd probably get thrown out.

In reply to Blue Straggler:


WHAT?!?!?!, what are you saying, blasphemy, OK then what else is there ha-ha????

In reply to declankel:
I once took the train out to Hathersage and walked up to Stanage on a Saturday morning to meet someone for a climb.

When he didn't show up I tried phoning him, eventually got through and discovered he gone to Spain on holiday instead and it had somehow slipped his mind when we had confirmed plans on Thursday.

Didn't bother to climb with him again.

In reply to gethin_allen:


I didn't see that part.
However I don't think that changes things, I always make sure that someone I'm climbing with is as competent as they say they are, especially if there are signs they're stretching the truth.

In reply to Dave 88:

With you on that. I've met literally hundreds of people from UKC over the years. Many have become friends, some of them very good friends at the level where I could call up for help with little or no notice and be confident I'd get it.

I can count the number of those I've met who I found unreliable/ unpleasant on the fingers of one hand.

I've probably climbed with 30+ people on Ukc over the years and never really had any issues! Sounds like you were unlucky!

In reply to declankel:

When I lived in Paris I used to go bouldering at Fontainebleau and at some point I decided I'd like to meet up with other climbers. I think I must have answered a personal ad or something because I met up with a terribly serious French chap who clearly thought I was an intellectual lightweight... or I had a suspicion he might have been looking for lurve and decided I wasn't his type. We only met once, I think.

In reply to Rigid Raider:
Did he (un)surprisingly get a Sartre out of his bag instead of the guidebook?


(get his name right!)

In reply to declankel:

I am the subject of this rather over the top rant. I have explained what happened and offered to pay for accomadation and petrol. He is right, it takes no time to send a quick txt, but sometimes life happens . I have offered my sincere apolgies but this guy really is an angry little snowflake, which in some way is understandable.
He really needs to try and see the good in people, that way the next time things don't go to plan for him he may not take it as a personal attack . The abuse I have recieved is beyond the pale. I hope our paths cross.
I do kind of like the attention though- Two topics about me!!

P.s

Too anyone who might have been put off meetng folk via UKC because of this post, or my actions, please don't be. This episode is an exception and not the norm.

In reply to Stephen3005:

Congrats on 'fessing up. As you say, sometimes life happens.

In reply to declankel:

This is fantastic stuff it's like a reality tv show but real and a forum.

The whole way down I was so hoping the infamous Steve would show up, then he did! What a cliff hanger.

I have met up with a few people of here and it's been fantastic and I too have learnt (nearly everything I know) from people on this forum. Not had a bad experience.

In reply to Rigid Raider:


Rohypnol?

In reply to Stephen3005:

>" I am the subject of this rather over the top rant. "

So what happened, give us the full story from your side?

In reply to declankel:
Met someone at Stansted Airport after a chat on here. Did a week climbing in Sardinia. No one died. No one got stuck.

Beat that

In fact - scratch that - Steve - come on, were all ten of your fingers broken at the same time

In reply to gethin_allen:

We might be disappointed - weirdly, some folk don't want to tell all on here. Not even in just the one thread.

In reply to Stephen3005:


Well, that's a sincere apology!

In reply to Scotch Bingington:

From his post it sounds like an apology was made in private.

In reply to Michael Gordon:


And then he slags him off in public. I always thought the done thing was to apologise in public and slag them off in private.

In reply to declankel:

Were you stood up by May?

In reply to Stephen3005:

"...my sincere apologies, but..."

Hahahahahahaha

I'd rather climb with him than you!

In reply to Scotch Bingington:

Whenever I meet someone of UKC I always get them to climb first.

If you watch them climb then you can usually get an idea of how competent and risk aware they are, particularly if it's on trad and it often (not always) correlates with how competent their belaying is.

Then if they look dodgy then you can climb something you'd be happy soloing and keep an eye on their belaying!

Hopefully I won't meet up with someone else with the same policy or else we'll be stuck in an endless "Why don't you climb first", "Oh, I couldn't possibly, you must climb first" loop...

In reply to Deadeye:
No way, I'm not having that....are you saying we will never climb together? We'll never get to watch eachother top out, never get to do that fist pump thing to show each other our joy? Maybe we could of fell in love and spooned under the stars, dreaming of the climbs to come. We would of adopted an African baby, maybe called him Flash or if it was a little girl... oh I don't know, I would of let you pick the girls name.
We'd have our own dog called Onsight, he'd be a funny old character, you would of been a bit strict with him but he knows you love him really.
But no, you throw this away without a secound thought and leave me here, my dreams in shatters.

P.s
I'm always here for you, waiting for you to take me back. I can change.

In reply to Stephen3005:

Advocating fist pumps at the top of climbs? Writing "would of"?

You have gone too far!

In reply to Rob Exile Ward:


Oi! Alcohol doesn't agree with everybody...

In reply to Stephen3005:


Firm handshake surely?