What you say to your partner vs what you mean

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 dinodinosaur 14 Oct 2019

What we say to our climbing partners vs what we actually mean. Inspired by Paul Sagars article here https://www.ukclimbing.com/articles/features/guidebooks_what_they_say_vs_wh...

Disclaimer this is tounge in cheek and all meant in good fun...

"Watch me" - I'm shitting myself and I may imminently fall off. 

"That was spicy" - I now have browner trousers than when I started the route. 

"I'm not sure about that last runner" - That last runner was psychological at best please be prepared to do your best Usain Bolt impression if I fluff it.

"That's bomber" - Sorry you may need to spend 30mins dangling from the rope removing that piece. 

"I'm just gonna look at the move" - I'm going to yo-yo up and down until I get tired or find a way to do it. 

"You'll be fine" - You'll find it desperate but I need you to do it anyway because we're pretty committed up here. 

"This next section looks committing" - This looks f*cking nails and there's no gear for miles. 

"I'm just gonna belay here" - I'm lost and I didn't even want to do this route, so it's your problem now.

1
 Mike-W-99 14 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

From personal experience.

"Tight but slack" - no matter what you do it'll be wrong.

"Slack" - i've forgotten to extend the runners yet again

 DerwentDiluted 14 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

"You'll enjoy that bit"  means-   its a traverse, and I wasn't really thinking of you when I put gear in.

"There's a good hold to your right" means- theres a good hold to my right/your left.

Post edited at 22:12
 Fiona Reid 14 Oct 2019
In reply to Mike-W-99:

> "Slack" - i've forgotten to extend the runners yet again

Harsh, but alas very true and it's actually usually "Slaaaaaaack" followed quickly by "#£&--ing Slaaaaaaack"

Post edited at 22:15
 shantaram 14 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

"Everything OK up there?"  - please hurry up, I've watched my fingernails grow whilst you've been leading this pitch.

 profitofdoom 14 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

"That was hard" = you've got absolutely no chance of doing it

"I'm coming off" = my concern for my safety versus your safety has just shifted to 99.99% / 0.01% instead of the usual democratic 50% / 50%

"Watch the rope" = I'm going to fall off in 0.001 seconds

"Looks like rain" = I'm scared lets ab off and go to the pub

Climbpsyched 14 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

"have you got your nut key on you?" - That offset is bomber.

In reply to dinodinosaur:

In answer to distant shout from second, 'What's going on?' – 'I'm just backing up the belay!' Means, 'The belay is such crap you'd better not even think of falling off seconding ...'

 d_b 14 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

"Your lead" = "This looks sketchy and I deem you expendable"

In reply to dinodinosaur:

Another classic, which I heard many times when a climber who was typically better than me would thrash about for about half an hour without success on a desperately nasty looking crux then turn to me and say, 'Do you want to have a go?' Meaning: 'It's bloody desperate, and you're bound to say No, but I just want to make sure you'll feel a bit bad about wimping out.'

In reply to d_b:

> "Your lead" = "This looks sketchy and I deem you expendable"

You missed out the essential 'big grin' in parenthesis after "Your lead!".

1
 brianjcooper 14 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

The words drifted across the crag to us from my friend's route I'd earlier suggested to him.

"COOPER YOU B'STARD!"!!!!  I think he's found the crux I said quietly to my partner. 

pasbury 15 Oct 2019
In reply to Climbpsyched:

> "have you got your nut key on you?" - That offset is bomber.

Or:  I’ve just over cammed a piece, or I’ve just watched a cam wander into the depths, or I’ve just repeatedly welded a nut into a grippy crack, or I’ve just fiddled around with this nut for ages in a limestone crack, I can’t get it out, it’s no good, there’s a better one six inches higher, you can get it out.

 kevin stephens 15 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

“It’s started to rain” well it hasn’t actually, the sky is a bit grey and I’m desperate to bail out with my dignity intact

Post edited at 08:38
 C Witter 15 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

“Good effort” - you made an effort of that!

“Great lead!” - I was gripped just seconding…

“Well done!” - I really thought you were about to peel…

“Good job!” - thank God you’ve finally clipped something, I wasn’t looking forward to scraping you off the floor

“That was a bit trickier than I remember!” - I really sandbagged you, didn’t I?

“Bit of a sandbag, no?” - my ego is pieces

“Well that was a bit exciting!” - my masculinity is in crisis

“That got my heart going!” - please hold me!

“I really enjoy climbing with you” - I’m head over heels for you; I’m leaving my wife; let’s elope to Patagonia.

 Blue Straggler 15 Oct 2019
In reply to Mike-W-99:

> From personal experience.

> "Tight but slack" - no matter what you do it'll be wrong.

> "Slack" - i've forgotten to extend the runners yet again

I am guilty of the one-off oddball "Taaaaake....but not yet..." whilst actually moving through a tricky move. Somehow I made the move and my belayer managed not to "take". Phew!

In my defence, there was no actual hidden meaning to my statement/request

 Paul16 15 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

'That's bombproof' - I'm actually saying this to myself because I finally have a f**king piece of gear I trust and can stop thinking about ending up as a mangled body at the bottom of the crag.

 Lemony 15 Oct 2019
In reply to profitofdoom:

> "That was hard" = you've got absolutely no chance of doing it

Interestingly, the corollary to that is:


> "That was easier than I thought" = you've got absolutely no chance of doing it

Post edited at 14:04
 Iamgregp 15 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

"Yes, I'm watching you!"

I've stopped looking away and chatting and am watching you now, since you shouted down at me. 

 lithos 15 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

> "You'll be fine" - You'll find it desperate but I need you to do it anyway because we're pretty committed up here. 

"You'll be fine" - just get the feck on with it, you've been up and down a dozen times, done the crux  and reversed it 3 times and the pub closes in a few hours

 profitofdoom 15 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

"Uh-oh I left my boots in the car*, sorry" (i.e. can't do the climb)

~~~~*deliberately but there's no way I'm ever admitting that~~~~

 profitofdoom 15 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

HIMALAYAN SECTION:

"My heart murmur just came back*. Sorry, I've got to fly home"

(*Translation, I don't want to die and I'm going home)

"My wife just gave birth to twins*. Sorry but I've got to fly home now"

(*Translation, I just saw the upper route. I want live to 60 and I'm going home)

Removed User 15 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

To the leader - "How's it looking?" - Stop fannying about and get a fcuking move on.

To the second - "Don't fall off" - Do not, under any circumstances, fcuking fall off.

Post edited at 15:05
 hang_about 15 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

"I hate GriGris" - You never give me enough slack

Indoors: "I'll get a sandbag for belaying"  - you are a fat b*stard

 Dave Cundy 15 Oct 2019
In reply to C Witter:

Surely, "Good effort" means "That WAS a good effort, I'm surprised you managed to get up that because you normally faff about and give up too early!"

 Ridge 15 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

"I love you" = "You ruined my f***ing life"

Oh...climbing partner...

 C Witter 15 Oct 2019
In reply to Dave Cundy:

No.... There are many valencies to "Good Effort", ranging from "You took over an hour to lead 30m and now I'm so f*cking cold I can barely speak" to "I'm being eaten up inside by jealous rage at how easy you just made that look". 

But, as Freud may or may not have said, sometimes a "good effort" is just a "good effort" - i.e.: "After that pitch I'm gagging for a post-coital nicotine fix."
 

 Misha 15 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

Got a headtorch? = This will be a long drawn out epic involving missing last orders. Alternatively, I'm proposing to keep going until it gets dark, there's always time for one more route.

Something I seem to say all too often...

 HannahC 15 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

I’m too often on the receiving end of...

“You’ll need to use a different sequence to do that move” - meaning you’re too short to reach the holds I used or to weak to pull on the dirty crimps I resorted to using.

 Bulls Crack 15 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

"Come back"

 Fiona Reid 15 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

"Do I really have to bridge that far?" whilst looking up at my depressingly flexible partner and thinking about whether my hips can do what he's done without permanent damage or dislocation.

"Watch me like you've never watched me before" - I'm totally and absolutely terrified beyond all belief

 NBR 15 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

To quote an exchange from last weekend.

My second: What's the belay like?

Me: How much do you weigh?

 mike barnard 17 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

"Quite tricky that. Sorry, I've blocked the holds"

Seem to have said this a fair bit recently.

 Iain Thow 17 Oct 2019
In reply to NBR:

From back in the mists of time, second to leader who had fallen off the overhang of Labyrinth Direct on Arran and was now dangling in space next to second.

"One of us is upside down and I think it's you".

 springfall2008 18 Oct 2019
In reply to dinodinosaur:

shit = I'm about to fall off!

shit shit shit = I'm about to fall off but my gear might not hold!


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