So We've had Classic Rock, Hard Rock and Extreme Rock, filled with days of glorious climbing, the kind of routes that people claim climbing is all about, lets try and make a collection of Britain's most horrible routes (Horrible in a 3 star, actually kind of fun, enjoyably painful way)
All excellent climbs, i'd recommend to people, not anyone I liked . The kind of routes that are so absurdly bad, they transcend logic and are great fun, the kind that you stick your friend on with a a perverse grin and enjoy watching them struggle and curse your name.
I've picked a few, but I know there's more, can't wait to try some of your suggestions...
Here's my List:
Un-Natural Act - I recommend a rack of hedge cutters, gloves and long sleeves to protect yourself from the brambles...
Helfenstien's Struggle - Doing it the regular way is too much fun, to really earn the Stupid Rock tick start up Wall End Flake Crack, traverse through the holly bush and then leap into helfenstiens struggle and then squirm to glory. The quintessential gritstone experience.
Seventies Style Wall - A Nice Boulder Problem, However I didn't like that it stopped so carried on up to the triangular ledge of bracken (e1/2 to here) and that is where the fun begins, wriggle and levitate - but don't try to hold anything because none of it is attached to the rock.
Turret Crack - A lovely lead but im talking about the descent next to it... Doing it under 10 seconds is fun, Under 5 and you have a stupid rock tick.
Tower Chimney - Go and find out for yourself - humbling
Runup - A lovely VS, going up, slide down on your bum like it's sledging and you'll see what i'm talking about. Try to avoid the metal spikes, I can't imagine they would be comfortable.
Little Gully - It doesn't seem to dry, its pretty horrendous, your better off going left when the climbing starts bridge up on crumbling holds and flop into a puddle and you'll find a #6 nut, one more hard move accesses 60m of un-protectable grass - enjoy
'C' Ordinary Route - A Lovely rock climb - in the dry - do it in the wet, in trainers and you'll find it much nicer - exclusively using the slippy bit of dual tex holds would be good training.
Sister of Mercy (Summer) - Don't... One of the few things I've done even I won't recommend to someone no matter how much I dislike them.
Thats 9 from me, what else deserves a place on stupid rock?
https://www.ukclimbing.com/logbook/set.php?id=6725#info
> So We've had Classic Rock, Hard Rock and Extreme Rock, filled with days of glorious climbing
Classic Rock contains Great Gully (S) too.
T.
Anything in Coire Fee https://www.ukclimbing.com/logbook/crags/coire_fee-71/ as a summer route.
If you like mud, midgies and moss, you're in for a treat.
(some good stories in some of the logbook comments from SS though).
Also Zeppelin (E2 5b)
https://www.ukclimbing.com/logbook/crags/walla_crag-740/walla_crag_gully-20...
A pleasant introduction to the genera
https://www.ukclimbing.com/logbook/crags/miners_crag-431/newlands_gully-389...
A much more serious affair - rubbly and fill with dead sheep
They say the gullys on haystack are a special type of hell.
The Esoterica list in the old On Peak Rock guide is a fair place to look for some of the Peak District's offerings. Here's the vid of our somewhat loony day out some while ago:
https://m.epictv.com/media/podcast/esoterica-climbing-the-peak-districts-we...
I think the worst rockclimb I can remember was on the north face of Aonach dubh (Glencoe). Doesn't seem to be included on the UKC logbook (https://www.ukclimbing.com/logbook/crags/aonach_dubh-23162/ ) but the name was something like Alcoholic Arete & maybe VDiff. Loose & a not very good belay between the two pitches.
19th Nervous Breakdown, Black Crag (South Devon) - terrible in too many ways.
Inverted V, Stanage - as a visitor from the Southern Shire, I’d been looking to this since seeing it in Bill Birkett’s Classic Climbs in Great Britain and was left distinctly underwhelmed by polished grit. It left me yearning for Chudleigh…
Speaking of which, Loot, Chudleigh - polished limestone chimney/groove hell.
Mam Tor was high on my list for this thread. I (sensibly?) did Central Route in winter with a good covering of hard snow.
Another would be High Pasture in Cwm Idwyl
> Inverted V, Stanage
That's going to appear in in the forthcoming "Ruined Rock - Totally Trashed and Woefully Overrated British Rock Climbing from VD to E1"
Some of these (e.g. brambles on route) just sound awful! Others, e.g. C Ordinary, are just great routes of their genre... done in bad conditions (which could apply to any route).
For something really claustrophic and wrong, how about: Monolith Crack (HS) or Lockwood's Chimney (VD)?
Then there's that route where you have to leap across a chasm to get to the start... a VS on the south coast? I've forgotten the name, sorry.
This seems a likely source of more stupidity: https://www.ukclimbing.com/articles/destinations/a_masochists_tour_of_cornw...
A few epic girdles would also surely make the genre, e.g. Miners' Girdle (VS 4c), though this is pretty tame compared to that extremely long "E1" on the south coast (c.1km girdle... )
My brain is like Swiss Cheese this morning, so strugging to remember names...!
Would give Moss Ghyll 3 black spots as a rock climb.
How about Limestone Rain or others close by (Terminal Trajectory?) at Wharton Main?
Ferrous Buttress on Iron Crag, cautious to recommend as I really enjoyed it. No solid belays or gear, no solid abbing points. Like climbing a sugary rock waterfall.
DC
> For something really claustrophic and wrong, how about: Monolith Crack (HS) or Lockwood's Chimney (VD)?
That's the whole point of Lockwood's Chimney
> Then there's that route where you have to leap across a chasm to get to the start... a VS on the south coast? I've forgotten the name, sorry.
It could be Kinkyboots at Baggy or perhaps Quality Street at Berry Head.
Great Gully at Craig Yr Isfa is a must as is Clachaig Gully in Glencoe.
Heffelstein's I agree heartily is a desperate struggle for everyone except the anorexic.
There is a VS on Gimmer that is pretty awful, near Juniper Gully.
Lliwedd has a few few terrors for the uninitiated too.
Oh and an E3 at Wilton to the left of Constable's OH, an off-width flared bulge, the Grader?
Looking forward to see what other horrors emerge from the brambles!
And that long traverse is Wonderland.
https://www.ukclimbing.com/logbook/crags/boulder_ruckle-246/wonderland-3757...
"Lliwedd has a few few terrors for the uninitiated too."
Big Deal on Lliwedd West Buttress gets my vote. The 1972 guide which we used when we did it says "A good climb with great continuity".
Not how I would describe it.
Oh come on,there are much better candidates in the Avon gorge than that. Gurgle girdle for starters. 80m of horizontal or descending traverse with gear every half pitch.
Ta Sean. Yep, Kinkyboots and Wonderland are the routes I couldn't remember this morning!
You Philistine... 😉
Have you ever watched the superb Slackjaw film HardXS the film from some years back, it's excellent.
It's starts with this superb route on the Devon coast! Dave Thomas absolutely living it whilst Martin Perry's face at the top.of the route says it all haha, soooooo good 🤗
youtube.com/watch?v=sCbw0lsMxKE&
My climbing partner spoke to someone afterwards who exclaimed: “Great route! Did you take one ice axe or two?”
Reader, we had taken none.
Mick Fowler’s Breakaway. 🤣
That sounds like Original Route which had a hilarious description in the old Crocket guide.
The Central Chimney on Cuneiform Buttress is best avoided. We escaped up it once when the slab pitch at the top of Raven’s Edge was slimy. Dangerously loose.
Clachaig Gully would get my vote.
I recall some of the easier routes at Creag Dhubh being vegetated horrors.
I'd definitely include Sifta's Quid Inside Route (S 3a)
https://www.ukclimbing.com/logbook/crags/waterstein_head-17762/waterstein_a...
One abortive attempt but strangely tempted to try again.....
> I'd definitely include Sifta's Quid Inside Route (S 3a)
Do you know how it got its odd name?
It depends how claustrophobic you are, but you might really hate these two.
https://www.ukclimbing.com/logbook/crags/ravensheugh_crag-844/the_crescent-...
https://www.ukclimbing.com/logbook/crags/dove_nest_crag_combe_ghyll-2650/th...
IIRC (from old blue? Roaches guide which I no longer have - before technical grades), someone bet Dave Salt (?) that there were no more routes to be had on the right side of the lower tier.
Or something like that.
I don't know whether the FA took the inside or outside route.
Edit: didn't realise that the "bet" is mentioned in the database route description - must remember to look first in future.
there's more than the average crop of such routes to be found on the Lleyn
are 3 of the more travelled excursions. Plenty of adventures to be had on the less popular lines.
Anything at Finedon ...
I went to Horseshoe Quarry this morning to do my first sport routes of the year. There aren't many routes below 6b that I haven't done in the quarry by this point - most that I haven't are of, shall we say, questionable quality. This morning I did Men at Work (5a), that someone has laughably given a star (Alan, Rob, Chris - indeed Rockfax/UKC collectively - I'm looking at you! ), then I did Spare Rib (5a), which is worse, but at least has the decency of having no stars at all. So I offer all of Chocolate Blancmange Wall at Horseshoe to this thread. And, with UK sport routes being what they are, maybe we can do a second book: "Terrible British Sport Climbs from 3a to 7a"? I don't really climb much above 6a so know there are terrible 6as. Presumably there are terrible 6bs, 6cs and 7as as well? When you start getting out of the quarries and onto the natural rock there maybe there are less bad routes? Although perhaps the wads will tell us about terrible 8as now too!
I’m slightly surprised Cloggy’s Black Cleft hasn’t had a mention yet. Hat tip to the late great Al Evans and his amusing story of himself and Ron F ascending it.
Green Slab at Gogarth is another excellent outing in this idiom, as is more or less anything at Carn Gowla.
jcm
For anyone venturing onto Southern Sandstone Sapper (5b) is a rite of passage. A must-do classic, where everyone will stand around sniggering while they wait for you to get to the fun bit.
This route gets rather a bad press, but I quite liked it, even if it was a long while ago.
Then there’s this little horror show. Little Isadore (S). Only one other person logged it on here.
I've just checked the logbooks Dumbarton Chimney (VS 4c) has had two recorded ascents, mine in 1994, and another in 2011. For a popular crag, that must be one of the least favourite mid grade routes in the UK! A definite contender for inclusion.
https://www.ukclimbing.com/logbook/crags/creag_rodha_mor-17982/guanissimo-2...
Worst route to ever get two stars....total pile.
Whilst the rest of beinn tarsuinn offers stupendous climbing, I remember being a bit shell shocked by Brobdingnag (E2 5b)…
Could have been the shrapnel, the rebirth or the intimate closeness with heather (common plant no pretty Heather next door!)
I preferred finishing up the 2nd pitch of the E4… having never managed to O/S a 6a pitch before. That mucky ledge….
> Worst route to ever get two stars....total pile.
Brilliant photo of it though...!
> there's more than the average crop of such routes to be found on the Lleyn
Yes, but that's cheating isn't it? Like the Culm, you know what you're in for!
I did it in the summer and didn’t find it too bad. Made the mistake of coming back in March and the chimney was absolutely smothered in pigeon poo, making the whole thing much more exciting…
Great thread.
'Make It Snappy' F4c in Cheddar.
https://www.ukclimbing.com/logbook/crags/cheddar_gorge_north-2280/make_it_s....
Horrendous 'sport' climbing. I preferred to skip a couple of clips, as I felt safer that way - didn't fancy being connected to those blocks.
I'll climb any old rubbish to increase my Cheddar tally.
> ... And, with UK sport routes being what they are, maybe we can do a second book: "Terrible British Sport Climbs from 3a to 7a"? ...
Wouldn't "Good British Sport Climbs from 3a to 7a" save on lots of paper? I was going to mention Horseshoe Quarry (back end), but you beat me to it.
I also recall some horrendous top-outs (above poor unprotected climbing) through brambles, gorse and slippery mud in one of the Welsh quarries - possibly Maeshafn?
Oops sorry - I posted about a sport climb - wrong thread
I think there could also be a sub-genre which are critically technique dependent, i.e., OK if you're in the know and a nightmare if you're not. The 'compelling arse' of Goldsitch Crack (Baldstones) comes to mind.
Pretty much anything at Charnwood Quarry. The routes are character building and some of them might have not fallen down yet. The climbing is mostly pretty easy but that means you've got a lot of time to think about where you are
Some of my "favourites" were
Good gear at half height. Couple of sky hooks and much decomposing rock after that
Good (for the venue) gear at 10m. Then get your bold head on for the next 30m
Looked like gear at 10m but the slot shattered when I tugged on a wire. Looked like a cam would go in the remnants but it fell apart again when I placed it. Eventually found a size 1 nut at half height and made do
I found Mourning Glory (VS) at Cheddar really poor. And inexplicably I have done it twice. What was I thinking. (I don't understand myself sometimes ha ha ha)
I kinda misinterpreted the brief and went for routes that are somehow both brilliant and awful, rather than pure garbage. It's a productive tension...
Pure garbage is too easy...
Tabula Rosa. A trip to a very dark place in your mind.
Or probably any of the old stuff at Langcliffe? Apart from TR, have only done The Corner, once laughingly described in the guidebook as 'a fine mountaineering route'.
'And she gets her kicks at Langcliffe, not in Knightsbridge any more...'
Mick
Does Segeant's Crag Gully (summer) (S) qualify? Some of the comments make a good read.
Can I offer the Pat Littleton classic The Adversary (E4 6a) at Zawn Duel and Carn Gloose Area. I recall that it took a number of trips to the glowering stone on the lip of the giant arse-cleft that is the top of Duel Zawn, plus a serious night of High Speed Diesel in the Star in St Just before we were prepared to commit to the abseil.
Not that I have been anywhere near it, but I suspect that Roraima (E4 5c) might be an even better fit for this volume.
Ha! I was about to suggest Fantan B. Did it last year and felt mentally scarred by the experience. It started with a walk across slimy bird poo coated ledges, no belay or gear to be found, where all the available rock that could conceivably be used as a hand or foothold was covered in partially disintegrated nests. All whilst trying to keep the rope out of the viscous green pools of ammoniac sludge. As we got higher the climbing got harder and the rock looser, though thankfully less filthy. Really complicated route finding too - it was always good to see the odd rusting peg stump just for navigation purposes! Topped out utterly wired, starving and dehydrated as we hadn't wanted to touch our food or water with our filthy bird poo covered hands. Made Avernus (which we did the year before) feel like a solid and well trodden Stanage VS!!
Apart from the climb itself getting to the start was terrifying. Going down using the cable was OK, but the last part on steep wet grass while wearing rock shoes made me wish I was somewhere safer.
Why do so many of these photos of horrendous thrutchy horror shows feature people in shorts? Schoolboy error that!
> Does Segeant's Crag Gully (summer) (S) qualify? Some of the comments make a good read.
Yikes!
Mick
SCG is an excellent route in the wet or dry. As is Miners Crag Gully.
Different class to Moss Ghyll (yuck!).
DC
I always thought https://www.ukclimbing.com/logbook/crags/the_needles-2342/skeleton_ridge-38... looked fun. I remember years ago doing a route that went inside the roaches but can't remember what it's called.
Edit: this is it https://www.ukclimbing.com/logbook/crags/roaches_upper_tier-797/late_night_...
Definitely fun in a stupid kind of way.
Miners crag gully??? = Newlands gully maybe
If so grim a few weeks ago, tottering rubble, serious, belaying was not fun. Would consider going back in the dry when an ascent might not rely quite as much on the rubble and dead sheep
Agree with your comments on Sergeant Crag gully, a much more pleasant affair
I keep thinking of one route when I see this thread so might as well post...!
https://www.ukclimbing.com/logbook/crags/slackdhu-194/central_pillar-630575
Admittedly one of my 'own' routes (who knows, I'll bet done before by those '30s shipbuilders). Absolute pile of choss. The buttress converges into a 30m headwall. That pitch takes three tiers of Jenga, each one gets more runout. Crumbly volcanic stuff. First attempt, we tried it in quasi-winter conditions, and bailed just below the top. We went back in summer and that pitch took a couple of hours, lots of rockfall, chopped rope at the belay, 'invented' handholds, absolutely ridiculous.
I thought XS was way too big a grade at the time but looking back it totally sums it up..... either that or very loose winter V, etc.
Or probably any of the old stuff at Langcliffe?
My lasting memory of Langcliffe was the smell from the tip below.
For a double tick in "Stupid Rock" and "Hard Rock" I'd highly "recommend" Raven's Gully... Epic!
https://rockaroundtheworld.co.uk/2022/08/13/ravens-gully/
Cheers, Dom
Down amongst the diffs. Great Gully, Pavey Ark. Memories of a marginal no.4 friend placement required to keep the rope out of a decomposing sheep.
https://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/6493286
Hi Phil,
I was thinking of this picture when I made the suggestion. When I first saw it I was torn between deciding whether you were to be admired or ridiculed.
> Miners crag gully??? = Newlands gully maybe
Indeed, my apologies, my mistake. Still enjoyed it.
DC
Great photo. When Yosemite hardmen come across from the states and there's the perennial discussion of what routes to suggest to them to get a flavour of British climbing, experiences like this should be top of the list.
Total Classic John thanks for posting - When I read this thread I thought of Stannington Ruffs so good to see it come up as the first climb on your video. You did well the only time I tried to visit I failed to find the crag in the jungle
As a dedicated obscurist a visit was a must: I found it and wished I'd hadn't.
Plum Buttress Stomach Traverse (HD)
A couple of through routes on Gower*:
Sorry I Ate Too Much Bread (E2 5c) have a look at the photo of this one haha
These last two in a ticklist of several Gower through routes for interested affectionados
*(Peak not Peaks, Gower not The Gower)
> *(Peak not Peaks, Gower not The Gower)
i think you’re trying to hold back the tide there.
No list like this is complete without Jake's Jungle Route (XS 4a)
An arboreal experience, originally graded Hard Very Vegetated...
Though I have memories of quite enjoying it on a sunny day
> Have you ever watched the superb Slackjaw film HardXS the film from some years back, it's excellent.
> It's starts with this superb route on the Devon coast! Dave Thomas absolutely living it whilst Martin Perry's face at the top.of the route says it all haha, soooooo good 🤗
If you fancy a short taster to see if you like this sort of thing, I'd recommend this:
The comments from the few of us who have done it say a lot about that one! Good call. It would definitely go into my "Terrible British Sport Climbs" book, although I'm starting to think a better title would be: "Terribly British Sport Climbs".
Anything below Jack’s Rake on Pavey should be avoided.
Oh there's that horrible slanting crack/Chimney on the north side of Saddle Tor...truly horrible. Verdigree Cleft. The name says it all!
https://www.ukclimbing.com/logbook/crags/saddle_tor-1141/verdigris_cleft-18...
There were a couple of routes at Willersley - don't know if they're in the latest guide but from 1987's Peak Limestone South...
Funnily enough they don't appear in Phil Gibson's excellent crag drawings. Needless to say I haven't done them and know of no-one who has.
Volunteers?
Not really a rock climb but there was rock present. I scrambled / climbed the north face of Pen-y-fan in summer unroped (following the rough lines of the winter climbs but rambling about) with a friend. Was much laughter involved but only as it was so ridiculous. At one point I was slowly slipping down a steep muddy shallow gully above a boulder drop and stopped myself with a pointy rock, even that didn't stop the giggles. We were both quite disappointed not to get a round of applause from the tourists at the top. I clearly remember a walker on the path telling their children how stupid we were being.
We went up the middle right section in this pic finish to the middle of the summit plateau, mostly on the ridges IIRC. There was however definite long sections of steep grass slopes. They consisted of large very long horizontal grass steps that were not well attached to the rock and the gap at the back of the grass to the rock behind could be used as a hand hold, that you mustn't really pull on! https://sp-images.summitpost.org/282048.JPG?auto=format&fit=max&ixl...
I'd probably grade it MXS (Mod Extremely Severe)
I 'scrambled' up craig rennet in summer once.
Most things at Cullernose Point and all the routes at Crag Point...from memory . Cullernose for full-on climbing but sadly covered n bird shit...Crag Point is just a crumbly sea defence as far a i remember.
Arran has already been mentioned but this was an experience I will never repeat. It was done due to being in the vicinity during bad weather and quite possibly it's only second ascent.
I was second but this may actually increase the difficulty. The whole inside was a mixture a black peat slurry and green slime. Some things I stuck my hand into seemed like alien life forms. This coupled with the rock being of similar strength as damp rice krispies. The whole thing flowed with rivers of gravel and slurry. Any flakes would disintegrate on touch and dissolve into gravel.
I got to the top the most filthy and wet I have ever been. So much so once in Glen Rosa I walked into the river fully clothed. My gear was damaged and I found gravel in all sorts of places including the crotch of my underpants!
> there's more than the average crop of such routes to be found on the Lleyn
> are 3 of the more travelled excursions. Plenty of adventures to be had on the less popular lines.
Honestly these are all fantastic route FOR THEIR GENRE (i.e. birdshit covered rubble). Whether you think that's a legitimate climbing style of course is another thing.
Rog it was Mikes idea. Afterwards I said if he wanted to do it again it would have to be frozen.