UKH

I had a ridiculous thought on the way to work this morning that I want to propose to my long term partner.  I have never done it because we don't have the money for a wedding, and I don't have the money for a ring - I have realised that if I am waiting for the time to be right then we will probably be waiting forever! 

I have just done a quick search for engagement rings. Having seen the cost, I think I have just changed my mind again.  But in all seriousness I am struggling with it, my problem is that my partner does not wear jewelry both because of eczema on her hands and she is generally not the materialistic type.  I don't know what design she would like and not a clue with ring sizes!

So I am thinking (and yes this is serious) is to get a 'fake' engagement ring, there are companies out there that do really nice ones for when people go traveling etc.  I would use this as a token and then we can then go shopping for one together and choose something that she likes and fits her. 

Is that a good / sensible idea? Or are you horrified at the thought? 

As for the proposal, she is equally into the outdoors as me so I am thinking of somewhere like that.  An obscure fell top is the most likely candidate at the moment. 

You don't need a ring in your hand to propose, do that first and then go shopping together. Don't bother with a fake ring.

No rings here! We both had a matching tattoo when married, nothing fancy, just the grid ref of where she proposed to me. Our tats on on our left feet but you can have ‘rings’ done on fingers

I don't think it's a bad idea at all if it works for you both.

But then, I also think if your partner doesn't wear jewellery as a rule and she's not materialistic, why not just propose without a ring? You can still make it a special occasion in other ways. And you could still get a ring later together that's to her taste if you both want to, as you say.

I don't know what yours and her tastes are but we have simple, modern wedding bands from a jewellery maker at the Craft Centre in Manchester. They were about £80 each as I remember (it's a good while ago now!). So you don't necessarily have to go down the traditional or eye-wateringly expensive route if you still want a symbol of your commitment either for the engagement or wedding itself.

Husband proposed with a ring, it's lovely but if I'm totally honest far more showy than I would have personally chosen. 

No need to have a ring at all, just ask the question.

You can then choose a ring together at a later date and get something she feels comfortable wearing. Or even skip the engagement ring altogether and go for a slightly nicer wedding band instead.

Actually I half fancied forgetting rings all together and going for ring tattoos as no risk of degloving when climbing or losing them. If she struggles wearing a ring it's a total waste of money to buy something expensive just because society says you should.

Weddings don't have to be expensive. Registry office is cheaper than a private venue, huge dress is not needed and keep numbers to immediate family and close friends only.

I wouldn't worry too much. I proposed to my now wife while we were staying at my parents house, specifically in a bed surrounded by my mom's drying pants. Then treated her to a slap up kebab in Walsall, formica tables and plastic flowers, the lot!  I'm such a catch 😁

You don’t need a ring to propose.  I’ve been married now for 24 years, I’ve never had an engagement ring and wouldn’t wear it if I had.  

Had we ever had the spare cash for such things, I’d much rather have gone on a trip/spent it on outdoor gear

Good luck !

Being engaged/married isn't about the ring, it's about a commitment to each other, so don't worry about bent bit of metal.

That said, if you do want something, I see your location is "Midlands". If you're near, look around Birmingham's Jewelry Quarter. Far, far cheaper than the high street, and also lots of vintage/pre-worn rings.

Or just stick a haribo ring on the trigger of a Friend and leave it half-way up a route for her to find. 

Urmm, fixed advice here. May or may not be useful.

If you are getting a diamond, be careful falling into  the trap of buying the purest, cleanest whitest best cut stone. Cost soon gets silly and to be honest, unless she polishes it on a weekly basis, they all look the same (to me and my wife anyway). So whilst you can spend a fortune on a stone, you can also get bargain stones that purest would look down on, but from what you've said, you could ignore the noise and you'll both be happy.

Better still, avoid a diamond and go with a pretty gem. 

The band might be your problem.

Avoid white gold if you can. It's coated with rhodium and if she has oily skin it will wear the plating off exposing an alloy that she is probably almost certainly allergic to. Plus you have to get it re-coated with rhodium every couple of years which would soon add up.

So for allergies if she likes white metal you're really limited to platinum, which joys of joys is the most expensive option. So hopefully she like the colour gold.

Fortunately, skinny bands make for a prettie ring in my view so costs can be saved here to.

One option is to talk to a high street jeweler, one you'd be happy to buy from, buy the ring you like, and make sure the jewelry will be happy to exchange. Just pinch an old ring from her that she wears on that (or similar) finger for size, or if she doesn't have any, let the jeweler go too big and they can re-size later.

If I can't afford it now, I would just propose without the ring. The gesture is more important that a piece of jewelry. 5 years down the line, she probably won't wear the ring anyway, but she'll remember the engagement.

Edit:

Just had a look on eBay, if you really don't want to propose without a ring then <£200 can get you a great used ring. Don't worry about the size, this can be sorted later. Find out (old college pics etc) if she prefers gold or white bands. Just assume the diamond is poor quality (not that you would be able to tell) and you wont be dissapointed.

As others have said......no ring required....just do it somewhere good and have a bit of a plan about the day and night etc....

I've been to two weddings this year....one down in Somerset at a posh place.....spent ages getting there, pricey hotel for the night, a lot of time hanging around on the day and I genuinely reckon most people there were bored most of the time. The second wedding was in the registry office....down to a nice pub straight afterwards, a few speeches and some food brought out by the pub, including a huge cauldron of stew with chunks of bread on the side....it was lovely and everyone had a great time!

The wedding industry is crazy in this country....people spend £10k plus all the time, it's so not worth it!!! 

Enjoy the moment if you do it and I hope she says yes!

My first proposal I had a ring, and a very nice one at that with a fair size rock that could be traced back to the mine in Canada and when it came out of the ground. I got down on one knee in the snow and everything was magical and all that shite. When we split up I was still paying it off even after we should have been married, and I believe after she got married.

My second proposal to my partner now was very much spontaneous with no ring and rather hungover in bed without the pomp and ceremony, I picked up her hand and just said that finger looks a bit too bare. But it was a pretty perfect proposal for us and the time in our lives.

When we met she was getting divorced and I still had ambivalent feelings to say the least towards getting married but it felt right and still does. She picked her own ring from Etsy of all places and is more than happy with it even though it only cost £30 and I occasionally have to bend it back into shape. 

It's the question and the commitment that count and not the jewellery in my mind.

As a married man (mostly happily!!) I'd say go for it. Tailor it to your means and wishes.

Don't let the cost of ring or wedding get in the way, it should about the marriage (hopefully long and happy) rather than the day. You don't need 200 guests, you don't need the ring delivered down the aisle by a bird of prey and you don't need to arrive at the church or registry office wearing medieval armour riding a white horse. Apologies if those were in your plans.

A good wedding is about having the right guests and good organisation. And love. It doesn't have to match the average cost (more than £20,000!!!).

Absolutely no need for a ring. The whole "tradition" of diamond engagement rings is a marketing stunt dreamed up by De Beers. Reject all that crap and be yourself.

Can I also add that if she will only be wearing the ring for 'best' silver is way cheaper than prescious metals, but it does tarnish and scratch more easily so isn't really good for daily use.

Avoid white and rose gold as they contain impurities, also anything with nickel as this is a very common allergy. 

Husband has a lovely (made in Sheffield) stainless steel ring, way cheaper than prescious metals and looks just as nice. Putting aside our Sheffield connections we weren't sure if he'd wear a ring due to his work, so didn't want to spend a fortune. I loved the choice in these and wanted one myself, but was advised I needed the metal to match my engagement ring to avoid them rubbing.

Don't be shy of the second hand market, you can get some lovely distinctive second hand rings. 

I proposed without a ring. As suggested above, we shopped for it together afterwards as it's important the recipient likes it. I did make the site of the proposal spectacular to compensate (Arctic mountaintop, northern lights, -20 oC). So cold she pulled a filling out taking off a glove with her teeth then I started throwing up as a reaction to a hidden mussel in my evening meal. A memorable evening and still going strong 10 years later.

First off, congratulations!

Now then.  Rings and things.  It's a fantastic bit of marketing isn't it...the fact that 'the engagement ring should be worth XXX times your monthly salary".  The cynical b*gger in me wonders if that tradition was kicked off and perpetuated by the jewellers of the world

Don't be nudged into doing something that you think should because it's expected of you.  This is your day, your life, your happiness.  Do what makes sense and is special to you.  

The tattoo idea mentioned further up sounds like a really beautiful alternative (granted, you can't present your partner with that in the same way as a ring )

Cynic warning!

You're only 26, don't go over board and or plan for a long engagement. Put the funds in a personal(not joint) savings account for future house deposit instead.

No, love isn't dead, but protect your assets as you enter relationships. The other thread about a guy's gf walking out and now entitled to 50% of everything being an example. If she's outdoorsy you don't want to lose 50% of your lead rack! 

For the reasons you state she might just be happy to say she's now engaged and not bothered about a ring at all. 

Pick the proposal (and wedding) that suits you and your (hopefully) fiancé to be. I proposed with a ring, whilst skiing. I had intended not to get a ring but in the end decided I wanted "something" to mark the occasion. I got a very untraditional ring made by a jeweler from local to where my wife is from. It was in expensive and I design I liked and hoped she would like.

As Hoo said above, the whole diamond thing was a post war marketing campaign. It is nether tradition, nor necessary. However, if you deviate from a diamond, the amount of people who will comment is staggering! My choice in ring has been described as, "interesting", "brave", "unique" etc, all with a slightly raised eyebrow. Thankfully, this doesn't bother my wife but it may wear down a less robust personality. It's also surprisingly impractical as it's quite spikey, which was somthing I hadn't considered!

The rule of thumb that an engagement ring should be equivalent to one month's salary is, not surprisingly, propagated by the jewelry industry.

An engagement ring is a useful prop for the occasion and can be worn on a necklace.  The cheapest engagement ring at Argos is £14.99

Just do it / ask the question.

As others have said you dont need a ring, be that an engagment ring or a wedding ring.

Married, no engagement rings, one wedding ring that other half wears, both happy.

Hope it all goes well for you.

You don't "need" a ring and don't think you have to have something sparkly, it could be something out of a Christmas cracker.

When I proposed to my wife, I bought a cheap ring from a high street jeweller for the event (partly in case she dropped it in the snow!) and she wore that until we could go out together and choose something permanent - make an educated guess at the size.

Proposed 1/2 way down a ski slope in Italy - we still get teased that she only said "yes" to get off the mountain! I am an experienced skiier, she was a total novice at the time.

When I don't want to wear my wedding ring, I wear a silicone stunt double from here - very comfy and lots of styles to choose from https://www.saferingz.com/

That's where we got my wife's engagement ring and our wedding rings - if he's still there, Liam at Diamond Dealer Direct was very good.

I will probably be back up there next month for an eternity ring, as "hints" have been given...!

I didn't get an engagement ring, didn't want one. My husband's friend was disgusted at him for not buying me one, despite me saying I don't want one! 🤦

We did get wedding rings, but in the full knowledge that both of us would need to take them off regularly for work and climbing etc so the likelihood of losing them was high. So we agreed from the outset that it wouldn't be a big deal. We bought titanium rings for £20 each. He is on ring number 3 (and barely wears it) and I recently lost number 2 so will be buying my third one soon. I do tend to wear it more. 

Just do what is right for the two of you and don't let society dictate what you should do 

Would that not hurt a bit?  

I didn't have a ring when I proposed and then we went ring shopping together. My wife chose a mossanite stone and neither of us can tell it's not a diamond but it is a fraction of the cost. Worth considering if something that looks like a diamond appeals to you!

My wife would have scoffed, and still would, at the thought of a ring. Maybe use a ring pull if one's essential  

Friend of mine went for a titanium ring - we teased him that he'd sawn the end off his bike handlebars

Congratulations, you're doing a good thing.

But as others have said; ring, shming.  You don't need one.  Just pick the place, the time and a memorable thing to propose with; your last Rolo, for instance.  "I love you enough to give you my last Rolo, will you marry me" sticks in the mind much more than "Here's a ring, take next Tuesday off work" ever will.

T.

As others have said, no need for a ring to propose. I proposed to my wife without a ring, although I did get her one about 6 months later. Neither of us have wedding rings. 

Both me and my wife were pretty skint when I proposed, I got some cheap comedy rings with cute animals on that I knew my wife would find Amusing. Always ment to get a flashy engagement ring but never did, my wife is the flashy diamond type.  Our courtship was a complex process and locations for proposals were as follows:

1) on top of big sand dune at sunrise in Morroco

2) at hot springs in iceland (too smelly apparently)

3) top of the wainstones, north York Moors (her turn but I'd failed to get up the climb I wanted to do and was having none of it)

4) top of Hellvellyn at sunset after doing striding/wirral in perfect winter conditions. I just wish I'd remembered a head torch for the way down!

Dad's never had a ring, as a dairy farmer happy and competent to do certain "examinations" during pregnancy he felt there was too much risk of it getting lost up a cow's back end/caught in machinery/destroyed. I think a former colleague from his youth had his ring finger degloved and thought screw that. 

He's got a silver/gold Seiko watch that rarely gets worn but replaces whatever the ring is supposed to mean. 

Or you could just go full Dean Potter and have it on a string around your neck.

Regarding the wedding. Doesn't have to be expensive.  Two of my friends got married about a decade ago (More than able to afford a ridiculous princess-stylee wedding, they just didn't see the point), had the formalities in a registry office and had a ceremony with a "Blessing" with nearest and dearest there in a location they wanted. 

piece of 5mm cord tied into a tiny ring with a double-fisherman's.

tie a knot to tie the knot?

But that means holding onto your last rolo for minutes, maybe even hours! How many of us are strong willed enough to do that?

Do you think "my last half a rolo" would ruin the moment? 😉

Do they do a buy one get one half price? Asking for a friend.

Ooh, there's an idea for the replacement! 😀

As mentioned, the ring's not the thing, and 'rules of thumb' over putting a big hole in your finances, or a certain carat, is bollox bought into by the shallow. A month's wages is an extravagance I won't get near to matching/surpassing outside of a 'trip of a lifetime' holiday or a car.

I spent more than some on an engagement ring, but still considerably less than a week's wages.

If you feel like you want a Diamond, you can get quite a small one, but with the right mounting it can make it look a lot bigger. I looked at 2 rings and because of a different mounting the smaller diamond actually looked much bigger and not like an afterthought!

As others have said, the ring is not important

I proposed on a dive boat in Egypt and did have 2 bottles of Egyptian champagne and a plastic ring as a prop - it gave her a rash

She was most impressed by the school of baby dolphins that showed up to celebrate

Agree with others that weddings don't have to be expensive. The best weddings I've ever been to have been the two least flashy affairs - one at an Outward Bound centre with a pot luck supper, camping in the grounds and a late night rave after the older folks had gone to bed and one in a tent in a field across the road from the bride and groom's house, with a buffet meal prepared by their parents (and a chippy van that arrived later to soak up the booze). Both had a ceilidh though - I consider that essential to a properly good wedding!

Also, as someone who rarely wears jewellery and who has special snowflake skin, I reckon propose without a ring and then discuss what you both want to do. I've never really seen the appeal of flashy diamonds and expensive bling (that I worry about losing) and I also hate the idea that someone might spend £££ on a ring in a style that I don't like.

I've been playing with 2mm cord and 'love knots' to make a ring. Couldn't figure out how to sort out the loose ends...

[ETA] for the purposes of this thread; not proposing to propose to anyone in the near future, as there isn't anyone...

Long term partner then no need to win her over with a shiny engagement ring. We didn't do the engagement thing at all really. Had been living together for a few years and had a young baby so we agreed to get married. Not very romantic in the conventional sense i know. Wedding reception was at her mum's house, catering by her extended family.

I went full-on traditional recently and proposed, down on one knee while I pretended to faff about changing a camera lens, on top of Thorpe Cloud, above Dovedale, with a ring that still makes my bank balance wince.

Happily, my proposal was accepted... As others have said though, other proposal strategies are also available.

I proposed spontaneously without a ring, then compensated by taring off a cover from a nearby magazine and making a paper ring. This got swapped later for a ring from an antique shop at a very reasonable price, chosen by (ex!)wife. Easy.

Wedding was cheap too.  Registry office, rings, suit & dress, meal for 30 people and pub with buffet in the evening etc etc all for under £1k.  Bonus was climbing Tody's Wall in the wedding suit during the afternoon proceedings.

I'd been living with my partner for ........20 years before we decided to get married.  We did without an engagement ring and later my wife chose a wedding ring.

Cost of the wedding? I wore a suit I already owned, my wife wore a nice outfit - she already owned. The registrar fees and ........er???   We had 4 of our closest relatives at the wedding and I think we went out for a meal that evening.  Doesn't have to be expensive.  With the money we'd saved we used to towards a canoeing holiday in a remote region of northern Ontario, Canada.

The expensive part of a ring is the diamond and the first time I looked I went to a diamond jewellers and realised that some people are insane for spending that much for a lump of rock.

If you want a ring go to a goldsmith who makes rings and they can do you a beautiful design for a reasonable amount, with or without a sensible diamond or heck go for a different kind of gem. It's the thought that counts.

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I've not read the whole thread so apologies if this is already mentioned above, but have you thought of making one?

When I proposed to my now wife I made here a bentwood ring. I found a ring making kit online (I think it was a Hungarian company). They sent through a pack of lots of different veneers of different woods which can make dozens of rings. It took me a few practice attempts before I made one I was happy with.

Like you, my hopefully future fiancé didn't really wear jewelry so I had to do a bit of guesswork for the size. I made a trial ring, and was trying to slip it on her finger while she was sleeping at night to test the size. I was a bit worried it would get stuck on her finger, which could have led to an awkward moment, but thankfully she didn't wake up!

She loved the ring (and thankfully said yes!). It only cost a few pence to make, but is very meaningful due to being made by my hand and all the hours it took to make. She made me one too, which are now our wedding rings.

Let me know if you're interested and I will try and dig out the company name and a really helpful website I found on how to make them.

Here's a bit more info about making bentwood rings 

https://www.instructables.com/Bent-Wood-Rings/

We (I) proposed without a ring and did our wedding on the cheap. When we had our party we asked guests to bring food instead of presents. It was perfect. Loads of musician friends came to play at the youth hostel we hired in the Peak so we could all go climbing.

Haribo make nice rings, and you get fried eggs as a bonus!

Thank you so much everyone, I am amazed by the responce to this.  Thank you.

I have found this to be one of those weird adult things that nobody tells to about but expects you to know about (Buying carpet anyone?...).  I looked online and found all the traditional answers of X times the monthly salary and it all seems crazy to me! 

So its so nice to hear real stories about how you guys got engaged and married.  There are so many lovely stories out there.  It has really made me feel more confident about proposing, especially without a ring.  

Good thread. 

I met my wife almost 22 yrs ago. She was pregnant within 3 months and we married a year to the day we met. She was heavily pregnant by that time. People said it wouldn't last but we knew. We were both pretty skint.

I proposed in a nice local pub with a cheap ring and we had a night away as our honeymoon. The wedding was cheap and the money we could have used on it was spent on our first home.

I upgraded the ring a few years later when I could afford it and we had our honeymoon in May this year, a luxury cruise of the Dalmatian coast (to the non tourist spots - truly fabulous) both to celebrate our 20th and as our belated honeymoon.  It was the first time we had spent a week away together without kids in 21 years.

These things dont have to be expensive. Our marriage has outlasted many others we know of where ring/wedding/honeymoon was in excess of £30k!

My Dad never had a wedding ring, as he used to spend a lot of time under the bonnet of various cars, so didn't want to get finger caught, etc. I just hade sure mine is loose enough to take off when I need to - it's a bit loose if I've got cold hands, so have to be a bit careful.

Our wedding was at the more expensive end of the spectrum, but I've been to others that must have cost far more.

Mate of mine got married a couple of weeks earlier with a budget of £2k - they'd just bought a new house together that needed work. Registry office, bangers and mash for the wedding breakfast (cooked by me and another mate and our partners - another story in itself!) and evening tea by local village hall WI, or something. Still one of the most impressive first dances I've ever seen - they met at a dance club.

Did she know that there was a kebab on offer if she said yes? that could be considered buying her favour.

Congratulations ! You don’t need a ring, but if you want to get one, I found that online jewellers such as glamira and others are pretty much half the price of high street jewellery with the same quality and more choice.

If you go for something with a stone, forget about diamonds if you are on a budget. A good quality white sapphire looks really good too for a fraction of the cost.

enjoy your life together !

Congratulations on reaching that conclusion. I hope it all goes well for you! Married life is a beautiful thing.

I proposed to my wife on Snowdon, after a pretty character building traverse of Crib Goch in the rain/snow. As we huddled in a snow drift to get out of the wind at the summit I took the ring out with numb fingers and asked her. Having progressively worn her down to a low emotional ebb, she said 'yes' and we got the hell out of there. Ten years later and we're still going strong. 

We didn't have much money at the time and she'd given me her granny's old ring some time before, in case I ever was to ask her...... So, that's the ring I used, and that's the one she wears. Romantic and thrifty.

Incidentally, despite never having worn jewellery before I do rather like my (plain, gold, completely traditional) wedding ring. I like being married, I like having the ring on, and of course it saves me from the constant barrage of female attention I'd otherwise be subject to....

That said, I find it funny that as a climber it's totally OK for me to leave my wedding ring on the side table when I go out  

In that case, I would add (as someone who has attended many many weddings) that most weddings are more or less the same and everyone will enjoy something different. We had 30 people for lunch, a second hand ring and a weird skiing honeymoon in a chalet with strangers. So don't worry if you aren't doing what the internet suggests is normal.

Blimey that's about as big a hint possible hahaha!

It's height of subtlety compared with my partner's hints to me! This thread has convinced me to just get on with it and propose rather than procrastinating over what to do about things like rings, so thanks all.

Quite    I don't suppose the proposal was a surprise to her in the grand scheme of things, but I think I still managed to catch her a bit off-guard all the same.

Good plan. for many things in life there will never be a 'right' moment.

If she wears other jewellery (necklaces etc.) you could get a ring to dangle on them, or a pendant.  My brother-in-law and his wife don't do shiny jewellery so went for wooden rings on leather thongs round their necks.   Also, do some research to see if eczema means rings are an absolute no-no, or just that only certain metals will work. It may be that rings are fine as long as they're not worn all the time, so she could wear one for 'going out' for example. You also need to consider wedding rings - the engagement and wedding ring need to be similar hardness metals so one doesn't wear the other out over time (unlikely given the info you've supplied, but who knows).

I suspect she will like whatever you get if you know her well enough. I went for a diamond in a simple mount with our birthstones either side because I knew my other half wouldn't want anything flashy. Do you need to spend a month's salary? No. Would she appreciate some thought going into it? Yes.  Even if you go down the 'choose one together' route, you need an idea of what you like beforehand otherwise it's actually just 'her choosing one' which isn't what you really want.

It just needs to be romantic (on one knee), memorable, and somewhere she's not embarrassed about when telling her friends.

Good luck!