Opticians

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Domonic's coming 28 May 2020

Hi everyone. I hope you're all coping well with lockdown.

I think my eyesight is deteriorating but all the opticians in London are closed.  Does anyone know where they are open?

I've asked my friend Matt but he just kept giggling and said he'll tell me at the end of the week.

1
 dread-i 28 May 2020
In reply to Domonic's coming:

>I think my eyesight is deteriorating but all the opticians in London are closed. 

Reduction in eyesight, or age related macular degeneration, is a common condition. Do you have other symptoms, such as hairy palms?

 Rob Exile Ward 28 May 2020
In reply to Domonic's coming:

Well, you've come to the right place here, I am sure our tame optician, Jon, will be along shortly and he will be delighted to be able to help.

He's quite famous for his 'unusual' ways of correcting vision, so if it involves a large mallet, that's perfectly normal, don't worry about it.

In reply to Domonic's coming:

If you have toothache, I'm sure you will find plenty of people willing to help remove the offending tooth.

 Neil Williams 28 May 2020
In reply to Domonic's coming:

I believe there's a Specsavers in Barnard Castle?  It's also, I'm led to believe, a nice day out?

 profitofdoom 28 May 2020
In reply to Domonic's coming:

> I think my eyesight is deteriorating but all the opticians in London are closed.  Does anyone know where they are open?

Dom, YOU MUST IMMEDIATELY go for a 600-mile drive up the M1 to test your eyesight!! Don't hesitate!!

Good luck

 Harry Jarvis 28 May 2020
In reply to profitofdoom:

> Dom, YOU MUST IMMEDIATELY go for a 600-mile drive up the M1 to test your eyesight!! Don't hesitate!!

And make sure you take your wife and child with you. They may be needed.

1
 Jon Stewart 29 May 2020
In reply to Domonic's coming:

Hi Dom

Your eyes are probably just a bit dirty. My friend Donald suggested that household bleach can be very effective - you don't need too much, just a few drops direct from the bottle will do it - but it must be used undiluted.

If you're still having problems after that, Donald says that UV light can also help. The UV from the sun on a bright day is plenty, but you do need to stare directly at the sun (without sunglasses of course) for a minimum of 30s for it to be effective.

I hope you find these suggestions helpful.

(I've asked for this thread to be moved to the pub btw!)

Domonic's coming 29 May 2020
In reply to Jon Stewart:

> (I've asked for this thread to be moved to the pub btw!)

Are you mad ? You must know that I'm the one who makes the important decisions.

 George Ormerod 29 May 2020
In reply to Domonic's coming:

Domonic's coming?  When you're on the nest with the missus, is that what you shout at the end?  And why haven't we read about it in the Spectator?


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