UKH

You got to have passed 40 for this.

Afternoon snooze on top of the bed with my dog.

Drinking one or two bottles of ale while watching TV before going to bed.

Finding something tasty in the fridge when you couldn't face the hassle of leaving the house.

 

In reply to Flinticus:

Tinkering with stuff.

It has to be stuff, mind.

In reply to Flinticus:

I'm late 20's and that all sounds great...

In reply to hbeevers:

Welcome to the shed, brother

 

In reply to Flinticus:

Grandchildren.

Knowledge gained through experience.

More money.

Knowing how to do things.

Self confidence.

 

In reply to Flinticus:

Waking up on Saturday morning, knowing you have zero plans but that your missus does, going back to bed with a tea a book..reading.. .snoozing...reading...snoozing... 

In reply to Flinticus:

Finding you've gone another day without losing any more hair off you head or gaining any more in your nose.

Car insurance.

Recounting your adventures to anyone who will humour you.

Being able to fix things for people.

The opposite sex smiling at you in a way that might indicate the tiniest possibility of sexual attraction and being happy that you are probably kidding yourself anyway.

Realising you might pay the mortgage off one day.

Realising you are starting to sound like your parents but being comfortable with that knowledge.

Realising that you are starting to look like your parents but...

Enjoying a day at home when you know you'll have the house to yourself all day.

Realising you haven't done a bad job of raising the kids.

Going a whole night without getting up for a burst.

Dad jeans

 

 

 

 

In reply to Morty:

Er...you mean a wee, right?

In reply to ThunderCat:

 Waking up on Saturday morning, knowing you have zero plans but that your missus does, going back to bed with a tea then a leisurely fumble because the kids have left home so you can do that sort of thing again without worrying about who is listening or might come bursting in at the most inopportune time

 

 

In reply to Flinticus:

I'm a bit puzzled by this thread. Why would something pleasurable in middle-age not have been pleasurable in one's thirties? Or, alternatively, why have the pleasurable things you used to enjoy in your thirties suddenly stopped being as pleasurable?

In reply to Flinticus:

I thought being middle-aged started at 50, these days.  Or at least, that's when I started to find trousers with an elasticated waist more comfortable than jeans.

T.

In reply to john arran:

Because on the whole you don’t have:

grandchildren

knowledge through experience

money

The self confidence from having dealt with lots of grown up situations

Pressure to conform from peers.

Ambition - it has got you to where you are, it’s too late to go any further, so you can shake off the burden of ambition (it’s quite a release).

In reply to Flinticus:

Concessionary price at the climbing wall.

In reply to Flinticus:

I'm well past middle age but here goes.

Feeling half pished after one pint / bottle of beer.

Recording a new hill bagged on the Hillbagging website. - Even if it's only 150 metre Tump.

As somebody above said, an afternoon nap on the couch with the dog.

All the rest is pretty awful, especially people saying "You're looking well!"

In reply to Flinticus:

No mortgage, no debts, retirement, guaranteed income, all the free time in the world, still young and healthy enough to climb, ski, bike, ride motorbikes, play golf, freedom to take holidays where and when you fancy- what’s not to like?

In reply to Flinticus:

Too many to mention, but for me one characteristic they all share is simplicity.

Nice thread.

In reply to The Lemming:

Got my own workshop, send hours in there fixing stuff.

In reply to cander:

Fair enough, although having started late I still have small children at an age that most would consider middle aged.

Surely this is just progressive, and nothing really changes much very quickly.

Maybe!

I'll give you that one, although some young people seem to have an innate self-confidence I never could understand why.

I very much doubt very much as actually changed in this regard, except your new-found "knowledge through experience" may help you cope better.

Lose ambition, lose life. Doesn't need to be career goals as such, but I hope I never feel that I no longer want to strive for something.

 

In reply to Flinticus:

Knowing that the shit that is happening will happen to these overly happy feckin teenagers in the pub!

In reply to Flinticus:

repairing things that are old, not necessarily needed or desired by others but that you cannot bear to see fall into ruin.  there's still a nice feeling in the heart in doing a good repair even if your head tellls you it was for its own sake

In reply to russellcampbell:

Yes, might as well be telling you they are surprised you are still functioning normally.

In reply to john arran:

Well I never snoozed in the afternoon before, had time for a dog or would merely drink a couple of beers of a night - it was all or nothing when I was younger and usually ended in the early hours.

This is not about pleasures that span your life but ones that come along after you've spent some time around and maybe you take a bit more time to appreciate things rather than rushing, pursuing that pointless ambition* or taking things to the Nth degree.

*I never had much anyway apart from to enjoy life

**ts also not meant to be serious

In reply to Flinticus:

Then I think maybe I've been middle aged since childhood

In reply to Flinticus:

After the mid day power snooze deciding whether to take the Lotus 7 or the JPS Elise up the pass for a quick blast. The JPS won.     Only 2 guys on the MOT and 2 guys on Brant Direct? I know its a friday.

Then my partner who is visiting her folks in Cornwall rings me to ask if i enjoyed the little lecture from the traffic cop on a bike who cant keep up in the bends. Snitched on in facebook    

 Deciding which tractor to cut the grass with as its going to piss down tomorrow and it does not matter that,s its a Saturday or any other day.     

Dont get early pleasures any more cos she's got the ******* daughters horse's to do     

In reply to Flinticus:

Knowing one's limits.

"You can buy me a pint but I won't be effing drinking it!" 

In reply to Flinticus:

Taking the piss on the internet, because, 1, it wasn't around when I was younger, and 2, I don't get out as much now

In reply to cander:

If your profile pic is accurate age wise, my Dad was ambitious for another 20 (+-ish)  years after he was at your age, he kinda arrived at his 70th and seemed surprised that he probably couldn't call himself middle aged anymore. I think he retired around then, and enjoys pottering about in his MG and generally faffing now. 

My psychotherapist sister in law said that she thought he was 'an individual unlike any others', which could be taken in a number of ways.

Edit: My point is that we're all different I guess, and it's always a good thing to be feeling more chilled. 

In reply to john arran:

In my teens I was trying to work out 'what was going on', and I've since realised I was asking the wrong questions. I'm only 38, so I have a lot of life to live yet, but I think there's a confidence through self knowledge, and there's confidence through experience. I'm more settled within myself, which makes me more confident in a certain way, but there's still quite a few life scenarios which I lack confidence in.

I have always liked tinkering with things and pottering about. Mechanical things and making things is inherently interesting.   

In reply to Timmd:

That photo was taken on my 21st birthday - what you trying to say like

In reply to cander: Ha

 

In reply to Flinticus:

gardening

comfy clothes

and (a rare one) finding that the great pub you went to in your youth is STILL a pub

In reply to Flinticus:

Ashley Maddison

In reply to Flinticus:

This reads like one of those Facebook reposts. You know you were born in the 80's if.....

Which is one of the reasons I don't do Facebook. Which is maybe one of the pleasures of being 40+.  Realising social media is mainly a waste of time.

In reply to wercat:

I've nearly always been like that, it's almost like once something has been created it 'deserves to continue', and it might one day be used again.

In reply to Timmd:

Perhaps some people on this thread should apply this to themselves

In reply to Flinticus:

I thought middle aged pleasures started when one retired, around 60. Being 60+ I now realise my interpretation of "middle age" may be based on - yesterday's old age is today's middle age.

The pleasures of "retired middle age" are too many to fit on a forum post, but, children left home, opportunity to say yes to spur of the moment "good ideas" from friends, weekends include a gentle Monday recovery.

And more.

In reply to Removed User: I would agree. A friend my age is already talking about feeling signs of ages, and I think is mentally older than he really is. I want to poke him with a stick to speed him up.   

 

In reply to Timmd:

To speed him up or to speed up his ageing process?

The former sounds fair enough, the latter, slightly cruel...

In reply to Timmd:

I think "middle age" might be a state of mind, not an actual age range

In reply to Removed User:

You can still be young at heart but modified by the years to make less mistakes... A You version 2.

In reply to Removed User:

I read in a recent New Scientist that how one thinks about aging, can actually have an effect upon the physical manifestations of the aging process. As part of a broader article, they put it something like  'Two people can have identical genes and lifestyles, but if they think differently about getting older, their bodies would show different outcomes'. 

In reply to Timmd:

It is an interesting concept. I was talking to an exceptionally successful business owner who genuinely believed he could reverse the ageing process through diet and attitude. Now I'll accept that he was delusional but it can still give a pause for thought.

For myself, in my fifties, I have discovered the following "middle aged pleasures". 

A sexual revolution, experiencing some of the most wild and wonderful sex ever (and I never thought I'd be saying that when I was in my 20's :-0)

Playing football again after a 20 yr hiatus and really enjoying myself

Not worrying about how much the missus spent at the shops

Coffee, beer and wine - top end not bottom end

Watching my children grow into adults

Wilderness white water canoe trips can replace alpinism

Still participating in triathlons but not trying to win

Time to write that book

Planning the next phase of my life. Retirement to me doesn't mean not working it means doing something different

In reply to Removed User:

I find it interesting how different people approach life. My Dad had his 'goal', where he could only retire in the way he wanted to after reaching it (I'd be kinda embarrassed to go into details as he's relatively successful, and it might come across wrong on here), and he reached it after finding his working life fulfilling, and a year or 2 later decided he was tired and had had enough, and wanted to stop while he was still getting good feedback.

He once said one main regret is not going climbing more, work took over during his 50's, and with running a business and having a family life too, something had to give, but he's otherwise pretty fulfilled and without regrets. If people have a passion which drives them working for longer seems to be more agreeable, and work having a bigger space in their life does too.

In reply to Removed User:

 

Do you have a partner for this activity, or are you soloing?

In reply to Flinticus:

Passed 40?  Passed 90 more like.  

In reply to Flinticus:

No mortgage. Realising after I lost my dad that I am a grown up and can handle anything life may throw at me. Giving advice to young folk look after their body's to stop them having the almost constant pain that I have and seeing them dismiss it just like I did at their age. Occasionally you get one that actually listeneds. Sleeping through the night without waking up multiple times due to pain. Not having to worry about buying and wearing fashionable gear to go out on the pull. 

In reply to Dax H: I like the realising one can cope after losing a parent (once the grieving process has been gone through and things assimilated it can feel like a surprise in a good way to still be okay), I lost my Mum when I was 33.

In reply to Flinticus:

Not feeling any pressure to be "cool". I never was cool, and I sometimes used to feel bad about this. Now I'm a middle aged dad it is clear that there is nothing worse than a middle aged dad attempting or even succeeding at being cool. So i can revel in my uncoolness and embarrass my daughter safe in the knowledge that this is the proper thing to do.

In reply to Timmd:

I absolutely agree with that one. I once read that no-one in history has ever said, on their deathbed, "I wish I had spent more time in the office". To me, there's a lesson there

In reply to Timmd:

I was 34 and didn't grieve for 5 or 6 years. I had a distraught mum to deal with who had spent the previous 36 years welded to my dad's hip and a grandma who lost her second son and my brother who was a recluse with depression. On top of all that I went from running my bit of the business to taking over the entire thing. Apparently I am one of them people who not only cope but flourish in a crisis. It was very strange though when I suddenly burst in to tears years later though. 

In reply to Duncan Bourne:

Yes. My uncle who died at 49, 18 years ago took us to Rhyl on a day out from Stoke in the mid eighties . Loved his beer he did and needed a jar on the way back. The pub was in Connah’s Quay which was a foreign resort to a 15 year old lad. We stopped at a pub with a funny Arthurian name and enjoyed a couple of pints. 

When I moved to north wales I was determined to find it.

The pub is a Sammy Smiths and is still going. Sir Gawain and the Green Night. Cracking pub for Connah’s Quay.

In reply to Flinticus:

I have just had my shed wired up to the mains so I now have a digital radio, a coffee machine, a jewellers lathe, an airbrush and a collection of dremels. I may never leave the shed again, that is something I never thought I would ever say when I was younger.

In reply to Flinticus:

 

paying off off the mortgage 

training for a half marathon

four alps trips a year

 

I feel like a right lucky bastard to be honest

 

In reply to Dax H: Blimey, that must have been tough. A friend went through a bit of a similar process when he lost his brother, he had to step into helping his dad to run the family business, and spent a lot of time making sure his parents were alright and being wrapped up in everything before he eventually dealt with his loss.  

 

In reply to krikoman:

I have a wife. And we are enjoying each other more now than we could/had time for when the kids were babies.

 

In reply to Timmd:

No tougher than losing your mum at 33 or than 2 brothers who work for me who lost their mum at 24 and 26. For me being forced to step up was exactly what I needed to cope. 

On to happier things though getting this thread back on track. After doing a few courses I have now set up a simple blacksmiths forge in a spare shed at work. I know this can be done at any age but it feels like a good middle aged thing to do. 

 

In reply to Flinticus:

Getting out on the road bike and doing a hilly 38 miler around the Bowland Fells on a summer's morning, solo or with a buddy, no stress, no need to hurry, stop for a coffee and cake and enjoy the sensation of rolling along in lovely countryside at a good pace on a bike I couldn't have afforded until recently.

In reply to mountainbagger:

Tis a bit of a Scouse term...but surely it's a bErst?

In reply to john arran:

 

I work with a lot of teenagers/young adults through Scouting, and my observation (which I wish I knew when I was that age) is that they are just good at bluffing and in fact all of them are equally nervous about stuff.  Not necessarily a good thing, as it masks all sorts of mental issues that often lead to totally unexpected suicides, particularly in young males.

Add to that a lack of developed risk assessment ability (which means they don't worry about stuff they probably should) and you're pretty much there.

In reply to Hooo:

Yes! A couple of years ago I went shopping with my daughter, wearing my lederhosen! It was fun watching her trying to make it very clear that she was nothing to with this weird man, while still needing me to pay with my credit card. 

Reverse punk is great: Wearing clothes that embarrass your children in public!

CB

In reply to Dax H:

You hammer your iron a lot do you

In reply to Dax H:

I'm thinking of going on a black smithing course, I've always been a 'hands' person, I can find wood too annoying in how it can split or what have you, but metal seems vaguely easier to second guess. 

I reckon if you do that when you're younger you're ' a hipster', and if you do it when you're older it's because you're middle aged.

In reply to Flinticus:

DRE ????!

In reply to earlsdonwhu:

Dre’s dead?

In reply to Timmd:

Key is not being stressed. I have my own business, 60 next year. Never been busier and more profitable.But my wife and my business guru ( consultant) are pushing me to ease back a little and get somebody somebody in to "manage" my team and leave me to do the strategy stuff.This should give me more time to do other things.

Meanwhile with my old climbing mates we have just booked a week in El Chorro. Our first big overseas trip was to Eldorado/Devil's Tower in 1989, with 6 of us, excluding trips to South France etc in the 80's . 4  of the 6 of us are going, 1 has sadly passed away a few years ago, and the other who is 55 just got married for the 1st time and has 2 kids- 1 at 2 and 1 at 6 months. Last time we got together for a trip was 2008. LOL

In reply to neilh:

Indeed. My Dad was people managing, flying to give talks or do things in other countries, and planning what should happen next in the company. He had people to talk to and 'chew things over' with, but I think it took a while for him to feel like things would be stable enough for the people who had mortgages and families once he left. He was asked by the multinational who bought him out how he'd managed to hold onto a collection of very clever people for as long as he had, and his method was giving them a task and letting them get on with it, and they'd generally collaborate and produce the results. He once said that very clever know when somebody isn't as clever as them, so he let them 'have their space to be clever in' and trusted their intelligence, once it was found that they could work together and create something.