Is this still the dark ages ?

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https://news.sky.com/story/teen-left-blind-and-deaf-after-living-off-crisps...

Yep its official ,  the dark ages .

What parent allows this to go on unaddressed for years ?

Everyday I'm astounded by world .  You would think as I get older I might come to some sort of understanding about it all.

I think I'm not actually human , 

Alien consciousness in a human form .

3
 subtle 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

I too saw this today and was in despair - this, in the UK, in 2019 - pathetic.

Hope the kid recovers, but his parents deserve to be punished for child cruelty over the years.

2
In reply to subtle:

Apparently his vision is permanently impaired now .

"By the time his condition was diagnosed, the patient had permanently impaired vision," the report said.

The unnamed boy from Bristol had first gone to his doctor complaining of tiredness when he was 14.

What gets me is that he was assessed at 14 for having low energy levels, and the Dr didn't recognise  that the kid couldn't see  or hear well ? and something was seriously wrong.

Maybe it hadn't progressed that far by then.

Post edited at 09:36
2
 wintertree 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

Hold your wild horses.  My reading of the article was that the child has been engaging with GP services for years which suggests parental support and engagement.  It read a lot like their are autism spectrum sensory disorder issues going on.

The news is like the transformers - more than meets the eye.  

Remember, people are statistical.  There are extreme outliers and in terms of health effects of young people with eating disorders, the reported consequences are not yet that extreme.

Try not to get drawn in by the negativity of a press that sensationalise the outlier cases whilst hamstrung from reporting all the details.

Post edited at 09:38
1
 subtle 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

> What gets me is that he was assessed at 14 for having low energy levels, and the Dr didn't recognise  that the kid couldn't see  or hear well ? and something was seriously wrong.

> Maybe it hadn't progressed that far by then.

Yes, was proscribed supplements / vitamins but apparently didn't take them - sometimes parents need to realise they actually need to parent, even if it means not just pandering to your kids every whim all the time, sigh

Wonder if the kid also had scurvy ffs, what a shame for him anyway.

2
In reply to wintertree:

> Hold your wild horses.  My reading of the article was that the child has been engaging with GP services for years which suggests parental support and engagement.  It read a lot like their are autism spectrum sensory disorder issues going on.

> The news is like the transformers - more than meets the eye.  

> Remember, people are statistical.  There are extreme outliers and in terms of health effects of young people with eating disorders, the reported consequences are not yet that extreme.

> Try not to get drawn in by the negativity of a press that sensationalise the outlier cases whilst hamstrung from reporting all the details.

It's just me being the cu~t as usual.

Post edited at 10:01
5
 jethro kiernan 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

It is an outlier, and this won’t be the first time the press has played this card, take someone with non specific learning difficulties who’s hit the bottom and make a story that suits their narrative.

what we probably have is a pair of parents who are struggling with a child with Aspergers and have had all the extra support pared back to a minimum in the name of austerity 

what we get is a good ole media lynching of some overwhelmed and under equipped parents rather than a considered discussion on austerity and the role of society to accept and support outliers, or not depending on your view point.

shock horror the withdrawal of social support results in people becoming seriously ill and dying and falling back on the already overstrained NHS. Who could have predicted that.

In reply to jethro kiernan:

> what we probably have is a pair of parents who are struggling with a child with Aspergers and have had all the extra support pared back to a minimum in the name of austerity 

> what we get is a good ole media lynching of some overwhelmed and under equipped parents rather than a considered discussion on austerity and the role of society to accept and support outliers, or not depending on your view point.

> shock horror the withdrawal of social support results in people becoming seriously ill and dying and falling back on the already overstrained NHS. Who could have predicted that.

So this all reaffirms the fact that we as species are f*cked.

  

5
Andy 1902 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

I have a friend whos daughter suffers from anorexia and has been hospitalised numerous times. My gut feeling was just your her Mum force her to eat! Knowing the Mum instantly made me not react to my gut instinct.

Things are not always what they seem to be at first glance (especially where the Press are involved!)

In reply to Andy 1902:

> I have a friend whos daughter suffers from anorexia and has been hospitalised numerous times. My gut feeling was just your her Mum force her to eat! Knowing the Mum instantly made me not react to my gut instinct.

> Things are not always what they seem to be at first glance (especially where the Press are involved!)

Yes.  

I reiterate , I am a c@nt 

I know  

 subtle 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

> Yes.  

> I reiterate , I am a c@nt 

> I know  

Hardly, stop being so hard on yourself - my view is the same as yours - different people have different views, its what makes the world so interesting - just because a few people are vociferous against your view does not make you wrong, it just means they have a different viewpoint

Now, go outside for a walk, smell the air, look at the sky, it will all be uplifting, better than reading all the stuff on line here anyway   

Andy 1902 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

I didn't mean to be hard on you, more show that your gut instinct is understandable.

In reply to Andy 1902:

> I didn't mean to be hard on you, more show that your gut instinct is understandable.

Its not you Andy, I'm sorry 

I hate myself .

 jkarran 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

> I reiterate , I am a c@nt 

No you're not, you had a natural reaction to a tragic but likely partial story. Me too, it's what we do.

jk

In reply to jkarran:

> No you're not, you had a natural reaction to a tragic but likely partial story. Me too, it's what we do.

> jk

No not just that , I'm a failure at all things human.

I don't see any redeeming features .

I deserve to suffer.  At least I recognise this fact whereas most to the human race  live under the illusion that there are worth something.

Andy 1902 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

You made a perfectly understandable response to a headline that was created to get a response. You reconised your error after it was pointed out. That doesn't make you a c*** but makes you a better human than many.

1
 dread-i 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

>I reiterate , I am a c@nt

No, you're not.

You wouldn't be the first one to be misdirected by the press for their own agenda. (See brexit for more details.)

 jkarran 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

Are you talking to anyone day to day outside of here at the moment? You don't deserve to suffer, that's your illness talking.

jk

Post edited at 12:01
In reply to subtle:

> Hardly, stop being so hard on yourself - my view is the same as yours - different people have different views, its what makes the world so interesting - just because a few people are vociferous against your view does not make you wrong, it just means they have a different viewpoint

It's not with regard to this alone .

I'm unpleasant , uncaring, ugly, stupid, ignorant.   As well as any other insult I could throw at myself.

I deserve it .

> Now, go outside for a walk, smell the air, look at the sky, it will all be uplifting, better than reading all the stuff on line here anyway  

I can't I'm afraid .

 jethro kiernan 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

No it just shows we’re going through a rocky patch, there has been a long and sustained running down of the poor in this country from Jeremy Kyle to the Sun even the term hardworking poor implies that your underserving of support unless you have three jobs.

We’re all likely to get our buttons pushed, it maybe that we have to look at more internet control and class them (Facebook etc) as news organisations and increase media oversight in general. 

You certainly shouldn’t give yourself a hard time, I’ve looked at my reaction over the years to news and I know I’ve been manipulated and played even just for the short term. Congratulate yourself for stepping back 😀

Post edited at 12:17
In reply to jkarran:

> Are you talking to anyone day to day outside of here at the moment? You don't deserve to suffer, that's your illness talking.

> jk

No , only the few friends I have .

 jkarran 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

Are they in here or are you seeing them in person? You sound in a pretty bad way, I'm worried about you.

jk

In reply to jkarran:

> Are they in here or are you seeing them in person? You sound in a pretty bad way, I'm worried about you.

> jk

I havent seen any friends for about 8 days .  I messaged 2 friends Yesterday ,  that's the contact I've had.

I also haven't been eating properly myself.  Don't see I'm worth it. 

Post edited at 12:58
 jkarran 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

> I also haven't been eating properly myself.  Don't see I'm worth it. 

Well I think you are worth it so will you do me a favour, make yourself a meal and call a friend?

jk

In reply to jkarran:

> Well I think you are worth it so will you do me a favour, make yourself a meal and call a friend?

> jk

I am at work so cannot cook ,  and my friends are busy with their life.   Probably sick to the back teeth with me anyway.   Like most people here probably .

I don't blame them .

 jkarran 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

Ok, will you try to get some proper food in you when you can? I suspect your friends are more worried than tired of you, give them the benefit of the doubt and reach out.

jk

In reply to jkarran:

> Ok, will you try to get some proper food in you when you can? I suspect your friends are more worried than tired of you, give them the benefit of the doubt and reach out.

I can't promise I will eat to be fair . I'm that down I'm deliberately starving myself , until I learn the lesson and can't take it anymore. 

And I've removed their numbers this morning to save them from me while I melt down .   Removed everyone's numbers .

They can't help me , the years I've spent talking to them , I only make people more miserable.

 dh73 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

it is a shocking story but is it actually any worse than obese people who in effect make themselves disabled because they are so heavy their mobility is affected? or alcoholics? or smokers? or climbers who have a fall and injure themselves? runners who screw their knees up due to excess mileage...?

it is so shocking because it does seem a bit pointless to lose your sight for a bag of chips (unless they were really good chips, thrice cooked in beef dripping of course) but "human pursuit of pleasure leads to suffering" isn't really a new story

 Timmd 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

> Everyday I'm astounded by world .  You would think as I get older I might come to some sort of understanding about it all.

Humanity is 'infinite' in it's scope for being incomprehensible (or good), keep this in mind towards keeping your own tranquility mate. I think if we rely upon understanding human nature or 'the world' to feel at peace, we may be waiting a long time.

> I think I'm not actually human , 

> Alien consciousness in a human form .

>

We can all feel like this sometimes....

Post edited at 14:13
 jkarran 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

> I can't promise I will eat to be fair . I'm that down I'm deliberately starving myself , until I learn the lesson and can't take it anymore. 

Try, please. You know you won't start feeling better while you're starving and you don't want to keep getting worse. Taking control of your self harm is a form of control too.

> And I've removed their numbers this morning to save them from me while I melt down .   Removed everyone's numbers .

116 123 Samaritans. Start putting your phone book back together with that one then find your friends' numbers. They don't need protecting from your misery more than you do right now.

> They can't help me , the years I've spent talking to them , I only make people more miserable.

Life's never easy but friends you've had for years, you don't only make them miserable. We all need people and I promise, one day you will without a moment's hesitation repay any debt you feel you're accruing. Things can get better for you.

jk

 dh73 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

> I can't promise I will eat to be fair . I'm that down I'm deliberately starving myself , until I learn the lesson and can't take it anymore. 

> And I've removed their numbers this morning to save them from me while I melt down .   Removed everyone's numbers .

> They can't help me , the years I've spent talking to them , I only make people more miserable.


If your friends are like the rest of humanity, they will probably feel pleased and important that they are the ones you turned to in an hour of need - so you won't be making them more miserable at all - just the opposite. ask for help and it will come

In reply to dh73:

> If your friends are like the rest of humanity, they will probably feel pleased and important that they are the ones you turned to in an hour of need - so you won't be making them more miserable at all - just the opposite. ask for help and it will come

I don't know what help they can give , apart from tell me I'm wrong about everything.

Can they for example make your parents love you, or fix the rejection you feel by them ? fix the damage they did to a young  mind.

Turn psychotic siblings from being alt right , right wing xenophobic haters and thieves and OAP bashing scum bags, into truth seeking pleasant , balanced and intelligent people ?

Andy 1902 03 Sep 2019
In reply to dh73:

I might be speaking out of turn here, please ignore me if you think so.

Sometimes you can use up friends compassion, sometimes there is a need for professional help IF it can be found.

Just speaking as someone who has been there done that.

 Alkis 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

*hugs*

 Timmd 03 Sep 2019
In reply to jkarran:

> Life's never easy but friends you've had for years, you don't only make them miserable. We all need people and I promise, one day you will without a moment's hesitation repay any debt you feel you're accruing. Things can get better for you.

> jk

Yeah, I've had a friend since childhood who's mind I'm sure I 'bent' while going through troubles, but he's been staunchly loyal, and only ever been pleased when things have improved, rather than counted it as a debt in need of repayment that he was there for me during darker times, andI try and make sure I'm a friend to him in return. I'm figuring that by the time we pop our clogs it'll roughly even out by the end - without either us bothering to stop and check. I'm truly lucky to be not quite 40 and have had a friend for more than 30 years already who means more than the years passed.

For the OP: Real friends don't see being there as a debt to be repaid, please understand that if they've been there through the dark times you've already had, they'll be there in the future for you too. 

Post edited at 16:45
 Timmd 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

I've had an emotionally abusive friend recently block contact with me while owing me £250 (which would be handy currently) after I helped her out of a hole. It's not her fault she's how she is (googing about narcissistic personality traits and their childhood causes rings true), but I've come to the point of deciding I want peace of mind and feelings, and would almost rather go without the money if it means she doesn't get in touch again*.

Going on how agreeable another poster and his girlfriend found your company to me, I'm sure you're a friend people like to have, and you'll certainly be better than the friend I'm no longer keen about having anything more to do with, who when they're nice is very nice, A lot of people can be depressed and still be good friends. It's about how one treats others ultimately, and you strike me as a good sort. 

*Almost, I've not quite decided how to approach the money aspect, or worked out how I might legitimately get it back, but it's something of a lesson in the value of being at peace. 

Post edited at 18:36
 marsbar 03 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

You can't fix your parents or siblings, but you can fix yourself.  

You can't make your parents love you but you can learn how to deal with how you feel about that, and learn to deal with the damage caused by it.  

Starving yourself is not helpful.  

You deserve better than the life you have right now.  

I'm also going to be unpopular by agreeing with you.  

The child in the news article was prescribed vitamins. His parents should have ensured he had them.  Even without a doctor it's not rocket science to know that if your child can't or won't eat vegetables you need to give them vitamins.

You are not a cnut.  It's the parents responsibility to keep  their child healthy. 

Oh and do me a favour, go to the GP.  

Post edited at 21:44
 Phil79 04 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

I agree with wintertree, some sensationalist reporting going on here....

Having said that, I had a day off work yesterday looked after my two kids (primary school age) and two of their friends, and I was a bit taken aback by the poor eating habits of their two friends.

Neither would eat any of the vegetables I served up for lunch, and didn't eat much more than a few carbs all day (and some cake, as it was also my daughters birthday).

Ok, totally anecdotally but discussing with my wife, seems a lot of their other friends also eat pretty poorly, and are allowed to do so by parents. 

Not saying my kids (or me for that matter) eat a perfect diet and they definitely have too much sugar, but they do at least eat reasonable quantity of fruit/veg, decent amounts of protein, complex carbs, and realise that too much sugar and sweet stuff is bad for you. I also try to have continued dialogue with them about importance of eating well, and encourage them to try new healthy things.  

I unquestionable think health eating habits have declined since I was a kid.    

 Tringa 04 Sep 2019
In reply to Phil79:

This is a very sad case and there is, I think, more to it than just not liking certain textures of food. By the age of 14 when he was prescribed supplements I think it was too late and I reckon his parents would not be able to force him to have them if he did not want to.

However, by 14 I would have thought he would have some knowledge/idea of the importance of vitamins and minerals; and the supplements would have been acceptable to him - but not so, which makes me think more is involved.

The article says, "It was at this point that he confessed that since primary school he had "avoided foods with certain textures and only ate French fries, Pringles, white bread, processed ham slices, and sausage". Here I find it difficult to understand how his parent did not notice, but perhaps they were not aware of the importance of a balanced diet.

Dave

In reply to marsbar:

> Oh and do me a favour, go to the GP.  

I have booked myself and appointment today.  I really don't see what she can do or why , I am just going to waste their time but that aside I will go and talk to her .

I have also referred  myself to the talking mental health services again to see what they might suggest.

 jkarran 04 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

> I have booked myself and appointment today.  I really don't see what she can do or why , I am just going to waste their time but that aside I will go and talk to her . I have also referred  myself to the talking mental health services again to see what they might suggest.

Great, I'm proud of you, it isn't easy to keep trying. Try to open up and trust the GP's perspective, I know medication isn't a long term fix or nice, the idea or the initial effect but it really can help.

jk

In reply to jkarran:

> Great, I'm proud of you, it isn't easy to keep trying. Try to open up and trust the GP's perspective, I know medication isn't a long term fix or nice, the idea or the initial effect but it really can help.

> jk

I'm doing this mainly for other people rather than myself.  The whole thing makes me extremely uncomfortable.   The idea that I can't be myself anymore but have to bend my perspective to other peoples will.  Then maybe I will stop causing trouble for other people.

Post edited at 14:40
 jkarran 04 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

You can be yourself, you will be, you'll certainly never be anyone else. But with help maybe a version who is a little kinder to himself, one who is more able to enjoy the little things in life and has safe effective tools for dealing with the difficult things, that version of you could bring real joy and value to to someone or something. That you could achieve something to make a difference, to really take pride in. Getting well probably won't be easy, it might never be a fully finished job but your life really can get much much better than this. Taking that first step to ask for help takes real courage, especially if you've tried before, respect for doing that.

jk

In reply to jkarran:

> You can be yourself, you will be, you'll certainly never be anyone else. But with help maybe a version who is a little kinder to himself, one who is more able to enjoy the little things in life and has safe effective tools for dealing with the difficult things, that version of you could bring real joy and value to to someone or something.

I don't see that.  Someone who's happy to be kicked in the balls all life and just doesn't bite back.  Might as well cut my balls off. 

It's like the world doesn't like my colour clothes and so I've got to change uniform to fit in.  

I thought the word was inclusiveness , acceptance , etc, etc.    

Just seems the reply is we will only help if you take these. 

>That you could achieve something to make a difference, to really take pride in. Getting well probably won't be easy, it might never be a fully finished job but your life really can get much much better than this. Taking that first step to ask for help takes real courage, especially if you've tried before, respect for doing that.

> jk

I'm still going to be alone and lonely with no family for the rest of my life.   So its all a total pointlessness 

Post edited at 16:01
cb294 04 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

Good to hear!

CB

In reply to Chive Talkin\':

> The idea that I can't be myself anymore but have to bend my perspective to other peoples will. 

I might suggest that you're not yourself at all at the moment, and it's your illness that's stopping you being yourself. Accept the treatment offered, and allow yourself to be yourself again.

 jkarran 04 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

> It's like the world doesn't like my colour clothes and so I've got to change uniform to fit in.  

Is your uniform giving you access to the life you want? You sound desperately unhappy to me and I suspect really quite unwell, I think you need to try to trust an objective professional for a while.

> I thought the word was inclusiveness , acceptance , etc, etc.  Just seems the reply is we will only help if you take these. 

People asking you to take medication want to help you not change you but they can't help you if you resist. I know this sounds trite and but you need to trust them, you're not going to lose yourself by getting well or by trying, you can be you and happier I promise. Your pain doesn't define you.

> I'm still going to be alone and lonely with no family for the rest of my life.   So its all a total pointlessness 

Lonely is awful. It needn't be your future, your future is still to be made. You can have friends, purpose, make a family of your own if that's what you want at the right time, that is worth getting well for surely.

Anyway, I'm off, make sure you have some dinner tonight.

jk

 marsbar 04 Sep 2019
In reply to captain paranoia:

That’s exactly it.  

 Timmd 04 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

> I'm doing this mainly for other people rather than myself.  The whole thing makes me extremely uncomfortable.   The idea that I can't be myself anymore but have to bend my perspective to other peoples will.  Then maybe I will stop causing trouble for other people.

Having been in the darkness of depression, I can remember feeling like I didn't know how I was supposed to be feeling. There can be a lot of what can feel like 'going through the motions' from what I remember, until one starts to feel vaguely normal again. Try and reach out to your friends, even if it's just a little bit here and there. 

In reply to Timmd:

> Having been in the darkness of depression, I can remember feeling like I didn't know how I was supposed to be feeling. There can be a lot of what can feel like 'going through the motions' from what I remember, until one starts to feel vaguely normal again. Try and reach out to your friends, even if it's just a little bit here and there. 

I have 2 close friends.  One is busy with a family, wife and young daughter. So hasn't replied.   The other is being as helpful as they can. but I can tell they are sick of me. 

Post edited at 20:37
 Timmd 04 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\': Maybe they're not sick of you, maybe they're struggling to know how best to help?

The other friend is still your friend, remember that. Professional help is an excellent thing to be getting BTW. 

Post edited at 21:33
In reply to jkarran:

> Lonely is awful. It needn't be your future, your future is still to be made. You can have friends, purpose, make a family of your own if that's what you want at the right time, that is worth getting well for surely.

It is far to late for that.  I'm soon 44.  It's over as a prospect.  

So I'm going to haunted by my failure for the rest of my life. 

> Anyway, I'm off, make sure you have some dinner tonight.

I ate a small meal.

> jk

Post edited at 21:38
 Timmd 04 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

> It is far to late for that.  I'm soon 44.  It's over as a prospect.  

That's not the attitude. Or rather, one's current perspective doesn't predict the future. 

My Dad lost the love of his life when in his late 60's (RIP Mum), and 2 or 3 years later met his current partner. There is no universally define age at which it is 'too late'. 

> So I'm going to haunted by my failure for the rest of my life. 

> I ate a small meal.

That meal was a success.

Post edited at 22:14
In reply to Timmd:

> That's not the attitude. Or rather, one's current perspective doesn't predict the future. 

Experience, pragmatism , logical assessment of the situation and past experience helps inform a rational prediction of future events.  No it's not totally certain but my odds being slim to none are not good .

I don't want a old woman for company or anyone with children already.  I would want someone to love while I'm still mobile and physically healthy .

Being with someone with children already is like being cheated on before we've even begun . 

And I have no experience of parenting and so..it's a whole side of life I cannot share with them.  

Also coming from a broken home I have no respect for people that have children and then shit  on them psychologically.  I consider it a crime against humanity personally.

I know the damage that is done to children when they are abandoned by the Father's.  

Its brought me nothing but pain ,  feeling responsible for your parents splitting up. Rejected for you deformation,  a lifetime of self doubt personal self hatred.  

I realized I'm horrible and mean about this , it's just how I feel about it.  

> That meal was a success.

I feel guilty for eating it. 

Post edited at 23:00
In reply to Timmd:

I'm sorry I'm not very positive.  

You are only trying to help.  

 Timmd 04 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

Argh, you sound about as down on yourself as I used to. Hang in there, 

 bouldery bits 04 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

Clock's ticking. Spend it being miserable or spend it doing stuff.

I'm doing as much stuff as possible before the end!

Timmd is the loveliest bloke on UKC, maybe the whole internet?

Post edited at 23:12
1
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

Remember your original post, where you pointed out how obvious it was to need to eat properly to maintain your health?

Now think about how you are eating, or not eating.

You know that isn't eating properly, and that isn't healthy, don't you? You pointed it out in your original post. Please eat properly. It will help. You deserve it.

And please do keep that appointment you've made.

I'm 56. I've been alone almost my entire adult life (although I do have my family). I understand why that is, but I haven't entirely given up hope.

 marsbar 04 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

It's almost certain I won't ever have a birth child. But being a step mum has made me very very happy. I love my step daughter very dearly.  

I don't really get your logic about cheating.  My husband had a life before me as I did before I met him.  It's in the past.

Not every child of separate parents had as bad a childhood as you did.  

However there is no reason for you not to have a child if that is what you want.  In my opinion you do need to deal with your issues first so you can be a good parent.  Perhaps that might help motivate you to keep fighting.  Once you work through your own feelings and the problems from your family of origin you will find it easier to have a relationship. Good luck with the doctors and I hope you get some help from them.  

In reply to marsbar:

> I don't really get your logic about cheating.  My husband had a life before me as I did before I met him.  It's in the past.

> Not every child of separate parents had as bad a childhood as you did.  

> However there is no reason for you not to have a child if that is what you want. 

Why engage in false hope.  As stated before I'm 43.  By the time I'm well enough it's over .  Just finished.

Nobody has taken and interest in me for 5 years . 

Even when I've been well and in a good place.  

Im retarded and disfigured .  Nobody wants to bond dna with bad genes.  

>my opinion you do need to deal with your issues first so you can be a good parent.  Perhaps that might help motivate you to keep fighting.  Once you work through your own feelings and the problems from your family of origin you will find it easier to have a relationship. Good luck with the doctors and I hope you get some help from them.  

Again it's hopeless.  

Maybe the drugs might make me tolerate life.  Can't see me being happy though.  Just resentful and  bitter at all the pain and rejection I feel at being unworthy of anyone in the universes eye.

Post edited at 00:32
In reply to marsbar:

> But being a step mum has made me very very happy. I love my step daughter very dearly.  

Children: I posted this on Facebook a couple of years ago:

I've not been sleeping well the last few days, and so doing what I usually do, which is trying to recall happy moments to summon up some calm.

And it dawns on me that many of them involve children and friends. Children reaching out to be held; my nieces Meg and Ella as tiny babies, flipping a hard-coded switch in my brain to 'love'; Kate's Tasha at the sculpture park, jumping down from a rock; Tim & Ann's Ailith on the climbing frame; my cousins' children; sweeping up into my arms the tiny toddler of a friend of a friend, before she got under the feet of the waitress. All inducing a feeling of calm and well-being. There must be an instinctive primate social bonding response: children naturally reach out, and family/social group adults respond, probably with an oxytocin release to give the feeling of love and well-being.

Or sitting in a quiet corner of a ski chalet, with Juliet on one side, Edward on the other, and little Holly in my lap, whilst I read Mr Men books to them. Or having Edward squirm and giggle with delight as I peppered him with kisses when saying goodbye, and then insisting it was Holly's turn.

Or comforting upset friends with hugs, sometimes squeezing so hard as if I could squeeze out the upset.

And the somewhat sad part is that these memories are one sided; the children won't remember, and I can't really say to the friends "hey, remember that time...", because they will want to forget a time when they were so upset.

But they are the times I most want to remember; the times that I felt closest to my friends, when I could show how much I cared for them. So I store them away, and recall them when I need them to try to bring back that sense of wellbeing. It doesn't always work, but it's nice to remember.

 marsbar 05 Sep 2019
In reply to Chive Talkin\':

Depression makes you feel this way.  The right drugs help lift that.  Take care.  


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