UKH

I'd welcome any thoughts or ideas

At work I have to mentor a student. They are cripplingly shy and under confident. They are under confident in their interpersonal skills (very quiet spoken, mumbles, cowering posture etc) but also in their professional skills (doubt their judgements etc)

They are however actually very professionally competent, are impressively above average for where they need to be (starting their 3rd/final year), basically they actually know plenty they just need to believe in themselves. 

It's obviously a personal characteristic so I don't want them to fundamentally change who they are, but they really need to become more confident in order to actually do the job. I keep reassuring them, giving them encouragement and stepping back so they can see their judgement is right but not having any success so far!

In reply to Kemics:

In my experience, there can be two strands to this kind of thing, being 'the personal' and 'the practical'.  When it's the personal, things like bullying at school and what one absorbs from parents can play a roles, which there possibly isn't so much you can do anything about. 

With the practical stuff at work, probably all you can collectively do is keep giving them tasks to succeed in, and lots of positive feedback, perhaps accompanied by talking about doing this to the rest of the organisation you are in, so that lots of 'Well done at that' comes in their direction from everybody in general?

In reply to Kemics:

Dedicated sessions with a voice coach can work wonders for some in that situation.

More than anything else, rock climbing taught me the power of belief in myself - belief in making a difficult move on lead several meters above protection - taking that lesson and applying it to other areas was transformative.  It took the visceral moments of rock climbing to hammer home through my thick skull that “the power of belief” isn’t just hippy talk but fundamental wisdom.  If I don’t believe in my ability to do something, I end up undermining myself.

It can be difficult in a professional context, but pointing out that confidence  in others can be a lie to cover over their basic incompetence can help people to stop judging themselves so harshly.  

In reply to Kemics:

Obviously unsure of your/their circumstances so this may not be appropriate but are there more junior students also with you who she could be involved in some teaching - this may help her realise her abilities - worked in the past.

In reply to donrobson:

It might be a 'he' ?

In reply to wintertree:

So if individuals want to believe in themselves, and decide to do so, how do they know that what they feel is genuine, and so transformative, or a lie to cover their incompetence?

Hard evidence, I guess.

In reply to mbh: I think you touch on a philosophical crux about what it means to be human, in how some people seem to have larger blind spots than many, but it does come down to evidence ultimately, where evidence is applicable.

In reply to mbh:

Feedback.  Evidence. You have to be willing to listen and to evaluate all the time.

I increasingly think most of us limit our ambitions by what we and others push on us.  

Self-beleif doesn’t guarantee success, but it sure as hell helps.

In reply to Kemics:

Is it something you can address with them yhrough their appraisal/performance/student report etc??

I had a 3rd year trainee a couple of years ago who was like this....competent in many aspects but lacking in confidence and with some social anxiety...I hD to talk with them about it directly in the end as having social confidence st work (NHS) is a critical part of yhe job....

We had yo speak with their university placement supervisor also but they did improve just about enough to pass the placement. Not due I'd have employed him though!

In reply to wintertree:

Good answer. Thanks.

Except for the last line (meant kindly). Self-belief can become delusion unless it connects with your first line.

I like your second line.

In reply to Timmd:

Right now we're only too aware that for some people, evidence is no barrier to belief. There's no reason to think it shouldn't work both ways, i.e. people may not accept their own competence despite evidence of their effectiveness, as well as people choosing to believe bollox that they've been reading despite evidence that it's nonsense.

Unfortunately, I doubt getting people to start believing demonstrated truths is any easier than getting people to doubt demonstrated falsehoods.

Good luck to the OP, anyway.

In reply to Kemics:

I've had quite a lot of success with students (groups and individuals) by getting them to consider what 'confidence' looks like to other people.  I've sometimes used clips of film to support this, showing them how actors convince us of their character, when really they are nothing like the villain, mad genius or whatever they appear to be.  Once they have the idea that displaying some characteristics of confidence can be surprisingly convincing (I've got them to test this in ordinary situations), they can then try these techniques out in the more challenging situations (presentations, interviews or whatever).  The added value in this is that the feedback loops are pretty powerful, as they are with displaying many characteristics both positive and negative, which is also useful to learn.  

In reply to Kemics:

Back in days gone by, the method was to take them on a night out, give them some beers and let them think they’ve tapped off with a gorgeous female( read any gender now)who has agreed to the set up.

In reply to Kemics: Giving them complete presentations to present is going to be too painful to use for development,. but maybe giving them a single technical slide to present.  Make them practice a bit, and coach them so the presentation is ok.

Alternately if there's a technical slide they're competent with they can answer questions for a main presenter.  Treat gently....

In reply to Kemics:

I am (or was) one of those people. I suffered from anxiety, panic attacks and mild depression (I say mild, I was crying a lot, maybe that's ok). I had very little confidence but the longer I spent with friendly people, especially men (who I generally regarded as more threatening), and was exposed ever so gradually to more and more challenging social experiences, e.g. having to speak up in meetings, the better I got at it. Took ages. I still lack confidence in myself and dread certain situations, but I get by.

There's so many reasons why someone is this way (including things like autism) and it can take a while, but you need to be gentle and encouraging (sounds like you are), but most of all patient...it won't improve overnight.

In reply to Timmd:

Correct, they are a He 

Thanks everyone for the advice so far!

In reply to Kemics:

Encourage them to adopt a professional persona, to play the part in the same way as an actor inhabits a role and like an actor, adopt a standard "script" tailored to fit likely work related scenarios. Most people in public facing roles do this quite naturally, to a greater or lesser extent. For the very shy, developing a front to hide behind, can be an enormous help.

Oh, and try to keep the pressure low, humour is one method, another is to explain that most casual acquaintances in a work setting don't really give a shit about who you are as a person, they just want to get through the day as swiftly and pleasantly as possible.

In reply to Kemics:

It may not be a simple matter of shyness that can be easily overcome with training. As this is a work mentoring situation, I'd suggest asking for some neurodiversity training for yourself. That's not meant as a dig, BTW; genuine suggestion, as it sounds like you are trying all the 'obvious' stuff.

In reply to Dave the Rave:

I think out corporate ethics people might struggle with that one...

In reply to Kemics:

Get them drunk.

Maybe not, but it’s amazing the difference doing something outside the work environment can have on getting people to relax, open up and just be more comfortable around each other. If they’re more comfortable with you it’ll be easier to have an open conversation about taking steps to address their shyness. They’ll have to want to make a change though. If they do, tackling it directly will be more effective than any amount of general praise and encouragement.

In reply to john arran:

Indeed, over-confident, Dunning-Kruger bullshitters abound...

In reply to mountainbagger:

AS was what I had in mind as a possible reason.

In reply to mbh:

Oh, I agree. I’ve had to deal with some howling examples and their fallout.

But there’s a gulf between self belief built on self deception, and the kind of hopeful and rational self belief a highly competent but unconfident person - such as the OP describes - could go on to develop. Their character should keep some bounds on it.

In reply to Kemics:

I listened to a Radio 4 program about shyness, public speaking etc and heard about a guy who joined a local speaking club.  It seemed to be made up of a really warm and welcoming crowd made up of a spectrum of speakers:  Very accomplished after dinner speakers who just wanted to polish their acts, through to the 'terrified, rabbit in the headlight' speakers.  It let him talk in front of very small groups of people (other members) in a safe environment.  Gave feedback, built his confidence

Do you think that could be an idea?  I know his is not particularly just public speaking as such, but any type of confidence building would probably help shore up their overall self esteem and confidence (I think)

I spent two years sweating and having night terrors when my daughter announced she was getting married because I knew I would have to make a speech in front of all the guests.  My absolute life time terror.  Counting down the days was the most awful experience ever....until it actually happened and I absolutely had no problem at all with it.  Went without a hitch.  I know I could do it again in pretty much any situation without really giving a toss and worrying too much

I wish I'd known about the speaking clubs then though.  Could have saved me the awful two year build up to the actual event

In reply to Kemics:

A)Regular constructive feedback, acknowledgment and recognition to start with 

B)Perhaps a role for a 3rd party mentee / mentor relationship without the pressure of whatever formal/professional arrangements you have going

C)Get smashed together and eat chicken

D) Forrget powerpoint & presentations for now, get them owning their shit around the office and with clients first

E) time and patience

In reply to Kemics:

We used to get sandwich course students in for their year off, I mean, year in industry. They would turn up completely unable to say boo to a goose but with some basic skills.

We gave them a week in each department, then an internal systems project to “lead” where they would have to get around and talk to the users, come up with a spec, wheedle the necessary technical resources, and make it come together.

They abs blossomed; all got jobs at the end of their course, many with us. The weakest has been my (excellent) support manager for the last 15 years.

Make sure the whole company understand the score, and watch like a hawk for any unwelcome behaviour from colleagues.

Also I learnt loads from the experience; I recommend it.

ff

In reply to Kemics:

I’ve been dwelling on your thread title all night.

You can’t make someone more confident in a meaningful way.

You can help someone find their own confidence.  Lots of good suggestions on here about that; set them up to succeed and help them recognise their success.  Feedback loops.

In reply to wintertree:

Yeah, give them bragging rights. The method I suggested also works conversely if they get too cocky and you have to tell them the facts

In reply to Kemics:

All the suggestions are good, but I still have a nagging doubt in my mind about pushing too hard on this. Captain paranoia raised the possible issue of neurodiversity, and your mention of a 'cowering posture' made think about anxiety or something similar.

I'm another one with a few self-esteem, self-belief and self-confidence issues lurking beneath the 'professional mask' I've been wearing for almost 40 years (and I'm getting really, really sick of having to keep putting it on at this point in my life).

These feedback loops that build self-esteem don't always work, and pushing too hard with someone could end badly. I'm with mountainbagger, tread carefully.

In reply to freeflyer:

I did a sandwich course. We also did 'communication skills' shared with all the engineering departments, which made us present to our small groups. I did have the unfortunate experience of being picked at random to present to the entire cohort, having gambled on not being picked. It had the course tutor crying with (unintended) laughter at my crazed presentation. People from other courses remembered it two years later...

It was noticeable that when we came back from our industrial year, we were a lot more confident, and nowhere near as deferential to the staff as we had been in our first two years.

Since then, I have learned to prepare properly, and am happy when I know what I'm talking about; early questions relax me, provided i can answer them...

In reply to Ridge:

I agree re taking it carefully, or else it might be akin to being dragged by the hand into a party when you're not in the mood/are unconfident and won't enjoy it.

In reply to Kemics:

only one real option:

youtube.com/watch?v=hPfVIoB9C0c&

In reply to Stichtplate:

I think this is great advice. If I was giving the pep-talk, it would go something like this:

"Look, you're clearly not a naturally bolshy/full-of-yourself type of person, and that's generally a good thing. People who are full of confidence but don't know what they're talking about are a nightmare. You do know what you're talking about, so that's a head start. But part of this job is talking to people with a bit of confidence and authority - whether it comes naturally or not, you've got to learn how to do it. Put on an act. Fake it 'til you make it. And don't worry if you never feel like you've 'made it' - you'll most likely still be bullshitting less than everyone else. Don't try and act like something you're not, that'll never work, but you've got to find a way of coming across as a professional who knows what they're doing. Nothing's going to happen overnight, that's fine, but it is something you've got to learn to do, over time, in your own way." 

And then you can offer some practical opportunities in situations where they comfortably know what they're talking about. And in all fairness, if they really can't achieve the required tone even when they really know what they're talking about, they might need to look for roles that don't require the same amount of communication work. Acting like you know what you're talking about should be easy when you do, but it is a nightmare when you don't - which is why expert bullshitters get so far in large organisations.

Good luck!

In reply to Jon Stewart:

I wouldn't say anything like this, for somebody who isn't confident and second guesses themselves already, it could send them into a place of wondering about how badly they've already been coming across, create an internal crisis for them. From experience of having much less confidence than I now have, I really wouldn't say anything like this. I think creating a nurturing environment which isn't too obvious about trying to get him to 'be a certain way' might be my approach. 

In reply to Timmd:

Very interesting insight - I totally see what you're saying. But I honestly don't think it's possible/realistic /ultimately helpful to work around people's anxieties to the point where you can't lay things out as they are.

What I've put there is cut-to-the-chase, but it's not brutal. People don't change easily. In the OP's position, they've got limited time to say something that might have an impact, they haven't got forever to spend creating a nurturing environment. And let's face it, most environments you're faced with aren't nurturing, they're full of c*nts. And that has to be considered.

In reply to Kemics:

Do you have the sort of rapport with them that you could gently try to find out if this crippling shyness stems from bullying at school or such like? If it is the result of some sort of trauma, then maybe they actually need some counseling or some other professional help? 

Clearly, these things can often just be personality traits, but there could be something underlying which needs dealt with. It could be a tricky subject to broach though. 

Other than that, do you get time to chat with them about hobbies and interests? Just normal chat to get to know them as a person. If you can share a bit of who you are outside of work too, maybe they will feel more comfortable around you and maybe your feedback and praise will feel have more impact? You become a bit less of a scary supervisor and a bit more of a friendly face. (Not that I am suggesting for one minute that you are scary and not friendly, but maybe this student just sees your status and that scares them). I know that can be a fine line to walk to keep it professional, but if your work environment is one where that can be done it might help? 

In reply to Kemics:

Fascinating discussion, thank you. I wrestle with this problem daily, but as a parent of a young adult rather than as a teacher. Different when it's your own child, and so so complicated!!!

In reply to Jon Stewart:

I wouldn't go that far, but most environments are dominated by extroverts. For example, leadership positions in a lot of organisations don't typically go to introverts. Politicians aren't usually introverts. They're welcome to those roles and they can be lovely people, but sometimes forget there are people who don't think the same way.

So, corporate culture, or politics and policies tend to reflect the views of extroverts.

As an example, those crushingly awful team building events, ice breakers, brainstorming sessions, whiteboards and post-it notes...all things I don't enjoy but must endure. I know of many people who struggle to contribute to a whiteboard session just because they cannot think properly in that environment, not because they are disengaged or don't care.

In reply to Jon Stewart:

I get the sense you see what I'm saying, but you don't 'understand'. A shift in anxiety levels often has to change from within organically in response to life turning out to be okay, not as bad as one thought. Which is why I think a chilled/nurturing environment in this guy's current placement is possibly best.

I'm not saying there's nothing without merit in your thoughts, though...

In reply to mountainbagger:

"Let's go around the room and tell us something nobody knows about you"  or "a few minutes about yourself"... 

In reply to Jon Stewart:

I think that depends on where they're starting from. If they're just a bit in the shy side then you're absolutely right. If it's a result of being bullied for their entire school career, or an anxiety disorder, then there's the potential to put them in a situation that tips them over the edge.

If the person the OP is referring to has spent the last two years of their placement/course, (I'm not sure from the OP if this is a Uni student or someone in a work placement) absolutely terrified of being 'found out' then they're not going to be in a great frame of mind.

If this is a work placement, do they actually want to do the job? It doesn't sound to be a great match; cripplingly shy introvert in role that requires confident extrovert. There's a huge difference between a 'fake it till you make it professional persona' and 'living a life that you hate because it pays well'. Maybe a conversation for the OP to have? (again assuming this is a workplace, but possibly applies to a student looking at possible careers).

Again, I agree completely, but you don't cure a chronic depressive by telling them they need to sort themselves out, and quickly.

I also share your view that most workplace environments are full of c***s, but maybe that's our skewed view of life. On reflection I think that isn't a particularly helpful attitude, as I view every workplace interaction with suspicion until I know the other person isn't a c***. I don't think it's really an attitude to encourage.

Ultimately the OP has a better idea of the student/employee's frame of mind.

In reply to summo:

F*** me, what genius came up with that one?

The only good thing is that the bullshitters have a prepared 20 minute speech about their 'achievements', which simultaneously allows you to identify them and runs the clock down so you can get away with "There's nothing you'd be remotely interested in".

In reply to Timmd:

Problem is the OP's student is in their final year. The clock's ticking and very shortly this students going to be chucked out into the wild to fend for themselves. The OP is rightly concerned that an otherwise excellent student will be left floundering if he doesn't start developing his interpersonal skills right now.

I get what you're saying about not spinning the student out with a brutally honest approach though and personally speaking, I prefer the "shit sandwich" structure to difficult professional conversations (shit sandwich = nice bit/ unpalatable bit/ nice bit), which would go a bit like:

"So X, final year, exciting stuff! Got to say it's been a pleasure to have you as a student and that as far as knowledge base, application and grasp of the role goes, you're way beyond where most are at this stage so, well done. Third year is mostly about building on those fundamentals and polishing off any rough edges before you embark on your career. So, any areas you think you need particular help with?"

If they're switched on, this is the point they'll usually identify the problem area for you. If not, you steer the conversation there and discuss what you can both do about it. Then back into the nice bit where you congratulate them on having the insight to recognise the issue ("now that you mention it, that is an area we could work on. Let's get that sorted for you"), reinforce how well they are doing otherwise and tell them again how happy you are to have them as a student ("actually glad we've got something to work on, I was getting a bit bored just ticking all the boxes marked 'excellent' on your formative assessments! HaHa")

Love a shit sandwich, usually takes the sting out for all concerned.

In reply to Kemics:

You know it's nice to see a "real" thread with people being helpful rather than semi political bickering going back and forth.

No idea how to help the OP, sorry. 

In reply to Ridge:

Every group has an ar$e, if you can't work out who it is, it's you! 

In reply to Kemics:

I have not read all the replies and have been through this a number of times in different situations.

I would always now start by asking them what they think is going well and what they think is tough. Can be specific and general and you can confirm with your observations or, gently challenge.

They will probably be aware of some of the issues and may tell you things you had not thought of. They may say that everything is fine in which case you can just state your observations above-maybe without the word cowering.

I now try to start by thinking they know most about what is going on rather than I need to have a clear plan for them. It can be a bit scary but if nothing else happens you have demonstrated clearly interest and concern in them.

Good luck, it is not easy.

In reply to Kemics:

Small group micro presentations, say 12-15max, no big lecture theatres. 5mins time limit and niche topics, each in the tutor group has their turn. With say 5mins questions at the end. You can engineer it to play to their strength subject wise, strict rules of no talking over, no filming each other and so on. 

They could have had two decades having their confidence killed, it might take a few to build it back up. 

In reply to summo:

^ This

In reply to Timmd:

Fair.

I guess my response wasn't actually what the OP asked for "ideas to make someone more confident" - as I don't think in the short-term that's realistic. That would take years of positive feedback, reputation building etc. I think Stichtplate's sugar-coating of a similar message would be a much better bet: the point is that confidence at work is an act.

I know what I'm talking about (at work), but when I first started I didn't. I had to talk to patients about things seriously wrong with them as a professional giving expert advice, but without the clinical experience to back it up. It was acting! These days, I spend all day putting on an act of being cheerful, approachable, enthusiastic and friendly. A mum recently complemented me on how good I was with her kids - I hate kids! Success in most jobs relies heavily on the ability to put on an act, and when you're starting out, this applies ten times over because you don't have the experience to justify genuine confidence. 

I think a way of getting this across without sending them into some existential doomspiral might be useful. Although it sounds a bit like they're probably in an existential doomspiral already, which is a perfectly natural place to be if you have social anxiety and you're in a new job/placement where everything is intimidating. Not a situation I envy.

I don't know if telling them that after a few years when you're secure in your role and have a reputation supporting you, the feeling of existential dread goes away would be helpful...?

In reply to Ridge:

100%, I've done both. Took me 10 years to get out of the latter.

Let's be honest, chronic depression is only usually "cured" when someone makes drastic changes to their life like leaving a bad marriage/job/country etc. The OP isn't going to change the student's character, that's too big a project! They can of course be a positive rather than negative influence on their development, which is what the contributions on this thread are all about.

It's funny, 'cause I usually give people the benefit of the doubt, and it turns out they're c***s later! Although some people do make it clear at the outset.

In reply to Jon Stewart:

Really.  They're not.  And you don't need forever but most people need time, and some more than most.

To Ridge - This I think is the norm rather than the exception ''I'm another one with a few self-esteem, self-belief and self-confidence issues lurking beneath the 'professional mask' ', and it takes time (again) to realise that it's the norm, it's ok, and most people don't care so much about the person  if you're good at your (engineering)  job

In reply to Kemics:

Cocaine

In reply to Jon Stewart:

Yeah, if they're already in a doom spiral of sorts, having nothing actually going wrong and getting positive feedback, could be what they need to be more positive in the next situation. In the conservation organisation I volunteered for, there were a few socially anxious staff and voluntary staff who gradually grew into themselves because of the above, it's a funny thing that you can have your own issues (like I had) and observe changes in others at the same time. A part of my growth was telling another volunteer to stop ordering me about, when I think of it, it's an interesting one, how people of different loudness can be perceived (and what goes on within).

Sometimes nothing going wrong is enough to build upon for being better in the next situation, being more like how the OP would like this guy to be.

In reply to Kemics:

Do they know they are 'underperforming' in the confidence stakes? I don't think they can necessarily address the issue unless they acknowledge it and/or know what the cause is. It may be that they were abused as a young child physically/mentally and have an incredibly deep-rooted issue that might be beyond whatever you can do for them. But until you know what the cause is (or if indeed there is a cause) you may not be able to find a suitable solution in the timescale you have.

In my experience, many confidence issues boil down to

'I don't want to do xyz because I don't want to get it wrong'

'I don't want to do xyz because I think people will think I'm stupid/silly'

...which distill down to 'I don't want to do xyz because I'm scared of a bad outcome in my opinion'.

If this is the case, you need to dispel that fear to break the barriers down. As Thundercat said in his 20:56 post, once he'd done the thing that he was getting worked up about and realised that, actually, the outcome wasn't the end of the world, he no longer has that fear.  I had a similar thing about asking girls out - I spent most of my teenage years falling in love with girls but being too scared to speak to them or ask them out. Eventually at the age of 18 I plucked up the courage only to 'crash and burn', however it was actually a huge weight off my shoulders and I've subsequently learnt not to be scared of doing that. Although I never had a problem 'performing' in front of people when I had to (doing presentations etc.) I always felt I wasn't 'cool' and consequently had a minor introverted characteristic.  Going to university and doing more drinking helped with that, but I guess a truly introverted person may suffer from that culture / approach. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, but this may lead to dependence upon it if the person sees it as the cure for their problem.

In reply to Kemics:

I think mentoring someone is similar to counselling, in which finding a commonality and establishing a high degree of mutual trust is important (shyness has its roots in perceived issues of trust in self and in others). For that to happen, you might consider 'walking in his/her shoes' for a good proportion of the time. And when he/she shows signs of wanting to walk in yours, you will then have a pretty good idea that a good bond is forming between you. By asking open questions and you truly listening to their replies, will very likely result in them listening to your mentoring. It can take a great deal of time and patience, and is a process that appears at first to be peripheral to the job at hand - but once the bond is there, I think it can be the best springboard for mentoring a person who lacks confidence.

In reply to Jon Stewart:

A helpful observation I was once given by my Dad was that the whole world is running by the seat of it's pants, towards saying not to worry about feeling like you're muddling on through while wondering 'What is life about?'.

In reply to Kemics:

I'm late to the party with this thread, but my 2ps worth: communication skills are just that, skills: like juggling or riding a unicycle on a tightrope, they can be learnt. It would be worth stressing this to your mentee(?), keep being positive about their professional / technical skills whilst coaching them on how to present. It seems a lot like fall practice to me, I hate it but know it's good for me. I would imagine that a straight presentation is less stress than q&a session for them (it is for me because I'm in control of things) q&a is less predictable, so maybe get someone to field the questions in tandem? 

In reply to Ridge:

It might depend on the workplace, In a particular conservation charity I know of, everybody is into their veganism and helping refugees and hedgehog hotels, generally 'how to be nice and helpful', in a competitive or rather dull environment where nobody is there because it's 'worthy', I can imagine the less agreeable (sides of) people emerging, it seems to be that people who aren't content or who are actively competing tend to behave more like twunts.

In reply to Kemics:

Maybe a summer job with a shed load of visitor contact.

In reply to Kemics:

Are they scared of taking risks or making mistakes, being embarrassed in public?  I’ve had this with juniors when I’ve pulled them into a meeting with senior colleagues.  I’ve pulled them in because I need their expertise and knowledge right there so we can hopefully understand a major problem and come up with solutions.   I’ve had to give them permission to speak and quiet my colleagues so we can hear their thoughts.

Some of the quietest, least confident people I know,  really know their stuff and will express it if given permission to and you explain that making genuine mistakes is ok and part of learning, just don’t make the same mistake multiple times.  It sometimes helps if you tell them about mistakes you’ve made over the years and that the outcome was ok in the end.

In reply to Currently Resting:

This I think is key.  There are a lot of people more confident about who will never allow someone less confident the space and time to make their point and sometimes it never occurs to them that they are doing it while there are some who get off on suppressing others and having their say.

If he has the opportunity to make his points and receives encouragement rather than overpowering responses it may well help.  I speak as someone who was really cripplingly shy as an adolescent and young adult

In reply to Kemics:

The positive issue is that at that age its easier to address than when they are older.

I know plenty of people who have recognised this in themselves and been brave enough to go to speaking clubs ( as others have suggested) or attended courses on public speaking.The best are run by those with a theatrical background who will also teach them about how to stand etc.

Sometimes people laugh about social skills- working a room, even ordering food at a bar- and say they are not relevant. But in certain roles- you need to be able to be seen to do these things competently. Even handling a drink and a plate of food whilst talking is a skill.

Its good that you are thinking about this for them.

In reply to everyone:

Thanks everyone so much for the input. So in our last couple shifts together (it's in a healthcare setting) I instructed everyone else in the assessment to stay absolutely silent and give the student the time to take a lead (unless it was obviously dangerous/inappropriate), even in uncomfortably long silences! 

What came out was really positive in that he did, in the end, do all the right things. However, what was kind of fascinating was that despite me literally not saying a word and deliberately standing at the back of room trying to look occupied by inspecting something; everyone we were assessing would end up still speaking to me. So he would ask a question, the patient would look directly at me and answer, i literally didn't even make an "mmm" noise, the only thing I did was non verbal communication, basically a nod at most, the absolute minimum required to not be straight up rude or disinterested.  

Afterwards we reviewed this, and he recognised it was posture and subtle non-verbal things. Interestingly he clearly has a lot of insight into his own behaviour patterns. I discussed the ideas about "having a front" or a professional persona/alter ego as suggested. We also did some power stances - I have no idea if this is total bro science or not... i watched a youtube video on it I'll see how it goes, if there's not a big improvement I'm going to strongly suggest the voice coaching stuff you guys have recommended. I gave him lots of encouragement and (truthfully) explained that he's actually going to be very good at the job, and he's much better off than many students, because once he gets this bit cracked he's going to be flying. 

In reply to Kemics:

Sounds like imposter syndrome. Have them help out a student in the first year that literally knows nothing, and they will realise how much they actually know. Something similar helped me. 

In reply to Kemics:

Not this one, I hope...

youtube.com/watch?v=42WFxAtoM-g&

In reply to Kemics:

Dear God, what have you done:

https://www.reddit.com/r/ukpolitics/comments/5gq78b/tories_standing_awkward...

In reply to Ridge:

See above...

In reply to Kemics:

Good progress!

Fundamentally he needs to develop and use the same techniques that you are using on him:

1. Create a trust relationship with the person being assessed.

2. Explain the task and get feedback.

3. Get on with the job etc.

It sounds like he’s very good at 2 and 3, but has no idea that 1 is required.

In reply to freeflyer:

Since this appears to be a medical student context, they will have to develop their 'bedside manner'.

They do need to be careful not to go too far in their confidence, and end up becoming a patronising consultant who talks down to everyone... Knowing your 'audience', and adjusting your manner accordingly is important.