UKH

Without beating around the bush, 2020 has been the worst year of my life by some stretch. In short, my girlfriend has been forced to return to her home country and we have no idea when we'll next be able to see each other with no visa and no certainty for either of our futures; I've had a PhD thesis deadline looming over my head the entire year, which has progressed at a snail's pace; I watched my landlord and friend die suddenly and unexpectedly of a heart attack at home, and had to comfort and support his wife through the hours, days and weeks that followed. I've had big fallings out with my family and I've had three days of holiday, but have worked most weekends. This has all piled on top of the other obvious big thing affecting everyone this year, which led to a couple of depressive episodes for me and a 6 month extension on my PhD thesis.

Cut to late July: I'd had a productive week of work and with a good weather forecast for the Friday, decided to reward myself with a day out bouldering locally in the Frome Valley. In a display of terrible technique, I pushed up on a high foot at the wrong angle and experienced searing pain in my knee as I followed through. I stuck the move but immediately knew something was wrong. My right knee was hurting and I couldn't weight it. I was also 3m up off the ground with no possibility to downclimb or jump in a controlled way. With the support of a couple of other lads bouldering nearby, I was able to push through the pain and top out on the problem, then hobble back down the side. I then stubbornly hobbled back out to my car, using my boulder pad as a makeshift crutch. My poundshop Touching the Void moment, I suppose.

After several weeks of A&E visits, consultations and scans, I was diagnosed with a buckethandle tear to the medial meniscus in my right knee and put in for surgery the next day. The surgery was a complete success, but I wasn't prepared for the agonising and inescapable ache in my leg the day after, nor the dismay and frustration of crutches and leg braces, of struggling to climb the stairs or get dressed twice a day. I went to stay with my parents for six weeks to recover in some more comfort, and empathised with our old dog who looks up the stairs and whines sadly before attempting the climb. The progress with my rehab was slow at first, but after a time I began to feel the progress and regularly ticked off new milestones: walking round the block on my own, climbing the stairs unaided, getting in my car for a short drive. Physiotherapy helped speed up the progress. Eventually I returned to Bristol, progress on my thesis picked up and the milestones became bigger: my first hillwalk, cycling gently (and then less gently) and my first few tentative easy climbs with every precaution taken to ensure I couldn't hurt myself further.

Things were looking up, and I was starting to focus on the spring as a point of hope when convergence of the healing of my leg, the completion of my thesis and the vaccine rollout would restore my freedom and I'd be back out on the rock and in the snow.

Yesterday morning I was coming down the stairs in my home. Two steps from the bottom I missed my footing and slipped, my bad knee catching under me as I fell and jerking backwards violently. Even before I hit the ground I knew I'd damaged it badly, and the screams that alerted my housemate to my accident were born as much of anguish as physical pain. I spent the day in A&E and the diagnosis is bad. I've suffered an avulsion fracture of my kneecap. Essentially, the muscles and tendons of my thigh have torn away part of my kneecap. The injury is, somehow, completely unrelated to the first one, my patched up meniscus suffered no damage. As the consultant put it, I've been struck twice by lightning, a victim of some extreme bad luck. I need surgery once again, and spent all day today in hospital waiting for a slot that never appeared, fasting for no reason.

I'm still coming to terms with what's happened. For three and a half months I fought and suffered to heal, and in one moment that's been wiped out and I'm back at square one. Back in a knee brace and crutches, staircases and pulling my jeans on once again a daunting prospect. My freedom has been kicked back down the road by months, alpine dreams relegated to 2022. I've done my time, and the universe has for some reason kicked me back down again. I'm trying to work out what act of hubris I committed, and I wonder whether it was daring to rock-climb again before my physiotherapist had given me the thumbs up to try it.

If you have any anecdotes, wisdom or general good vibes to send my way right now, they'd be deeply appreciated.

That’s awful. You have my complete sympathy and I hope you get better ASAP.

Holy f*ck. That sounds like quite a ride and the worst year. Truly, the only way is up from here. It's small consolation, but by sharing you've probably made a lot of people feel a little better about their smaller problems (including me). 

It's no act of hubris that has led to this just extremely bad luck. Every injured person on UKC asks for advice about how to get back out as soon as possible whether permitted by their physio or not, some go on to reinjure themselves by over doing it whilst what happened to you could have happened to anyone. 

Take your time, everything will still be there once you're fit again, you will manage. It's just a matter of time. 

Bugger. That's really bad luck.

I guess the only positive thing I can think of is that you have recovered once, and I'm sure you will recover again. We're all likely to stay locked down for some time, so you may not be missing much...

Four words that I would like you to hold on to:

This time will pass

F*** a duck mate. You've had a nightmare year. 

Don't lose faith though. Your thesis will die by a thousand cuts; just keep stubbornly plugging away and you'll get there.

Same with your recovery - it will be slow but you will get there. You know this, you've been through the process, you know what you need to do, and you know you can do it.

You're not back on square one. Through your precious misfortune you have developed fortitude, patience and coping strategies. These will now stand you in good stead. 

​​​​Good luck! 

Look on the bright side, there is 9nly so much bad luck to go around and you have used a big slice of it. This means there is less of it for next year and things will be better. 

I winced on more than one occasion reading that summary of what sounds like a horrendous year for you. Annus Horribilis if ever there was one. 

Fingers crossed for 2021 and for a much brighter future for you. 

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger (.....we all hope in such situations). Finishing a PhD thesis can be a real drag and annoyingly it is becoming increasingly pointless with time (I'd much prefer to see a portfolio approach for the much improved benefits for student, research group and examiners). I took a lecturing job and remember not having a day off work for 3 months (except Christmas day) to get the bloody thing done. Get well soon.

It wasn't my intention to try and belittle anybody else's experience, everybody's struggles are legitimate and it's not a competition. The news that the two injuries are unrelated was a hammer blow though, which seems odd because it has no practical impact on my situation or recovery. I'm just trying to find some perspective to come to terms with it all, and writing and sharing is therapeutic for me.

Thanks everybody for the good wishes. UKC is a great community.

Much sympathy - we have things in common but the difference is choice and timescale. You have had your injuries foisted upon you in close succession whilst in your prime, I chose to get my arthritic hips replaced long after I retired. Once I could not get on my bike properly I researced hip replacements and found a local surgeon who would give me a Birmingham resurfacing.This was 6 years ago, he did the left one first and said the right had a couple of years to go. First week was thoroughly unpleasant but once I could walk reliably with crutches I set myself targets of distance and then speed and recorded progress and setbacks using my Garmin. Jogging carefully and bouldering indoors very carefully at about 8 weeks, running and climbing well at 18 months - knowing all the time I had to go through the same again before long. The right hip operation failed because the bone was not strong enough so I got a ceramic total replacement, which was disappointing at the time but I have decided since was the best thing that could have happened, recovery was slightly better than the first time and I could be more cavalier with the ceramic hip, jogging at 6 weeks and bouldering shortly after, getting back to normal and gaining fitness, picking projects to attempt in the hills and staying positive. Then suddenly limping at 18 months, and again at 3 years (this May) for no apparent reason other than overuse - really depressing on top of Covid worries (theoretically vulnerable at my age) and lockdowns. Currently on an upswing so happy, walking better than I have for 10 years and making plans for next year, but keeping fingers crossed...

Try to stay positive, get that thesis finished and start living again next year!

Thats a catalogue of shittyness right there.

Good vibes - sent, though looking at your luck they'll probably end up left by the courier behind your wheely bin and go a bit soggy.

Wisdom, I'm a bit thin on that, though bearing in mind the story below I'd say you need to keep hoping, no - knowing, that there is a way through this. Things might keep happening, but, there is another side of this trough. For sure.

Anecdotes, well heres the story of Mrs Diluted and the last few years. August 2017 and we are fresh back from the Alps, Mrs D buzzing from her first 4000m summit. A good return to form after a troubled 18 months with 5 (count em, 5) successive miscarriages. Three days later she kneels down to get a bottle of wine out of the fridge and fails to get up again. Squealing in pain its off to A&E we go. I'll cut a long story of misdiagnosis short but she ends up being diagnosed with Osteo-Chondritus Dessicans, a very rare bone condition, in her knee. Part of the end of her femur the size of a 10p coin has... just... well...dropped off. She has an operation to reattach it, her surgeon has never seen this in adults before. December 2017 the part appears to have detached. She has been on the sofa, non weight bearing, for 5 months and is physically and mentally at the bottom of the curve.

January, she is now under a specialist at Birmingham Royal Orthopaedic. He takes one look at her, shes too weak to be operated on. He tells her the damage has already been done and things are unlikely to get much worse, though arthritis and a new knee are likely in the long term. He gives her a steroid injection and tells her to walk out. She does. Lazarus like.

She goes back to work and gets stronger and stronger. We do Cneifion Arete (D) and its a milestone for us, despite the lowly grade. Things are going well, until July 2018. Same day, after joint appointments, both my parents have cancer. Pancreatic. By Christmas Dad has 40% of his pancreas left but is fine. Mum has 8 weeks left. After all that, her knee is OK, grumbles a bit, but OK. She is semi discharged from Birmingham, can't run anymore, but otherwise pretty good. Starts a Masters Degree. So, what better way to spend an evening than a friends birthday ceilidh?

Snap, she keels over. Complete rupture of her Achilles. A&E, operation, recovery, physio....blah blah blah, been here, done this. Recovered by early 2020, we get out, lots of walking, a fair bit of climbing and she takes up cycling, big time. 100-150km a week, road and mtb. Mentally and physically she has never been fitter. She went back to Birmingham for an MRI, mysteriously and against the odds the bone fragment has healed, though she does have a meniscus tear. Meniscus tear sch-miniscus tear. She celebrates this great news by going straight home, kicking the chimney breast and breaking her little toe. My first, instinctive, thought as I looked at her little toe all at 90 degrees out from her foot, was 'pfffft that's nowt'. Recovery from this was about 2 months, no climbing but increasing amounts of cycling.

I now eagerly await 2021, and the traditional end-of-summer leg injury. 

What I have learned is, bad things happen. They will happen regardless of how little you deserve them. Plough through each one, look always for the positive even though that can feel perverse at times. If you cant find the positive then make some, without it things get too dark too quickly.  You might get another undeserved kicking tommorrow, but, you never know, you might not.

Wow. I think if I was Mrs Diluted I'd want to stay in bed wrapped in bubble wrap. That's another level of perseverance entirely! Thanks for sharing.

Not sure if this has survived the test of time but reading your’s and others posts reminded me of my childhood New Years.

youtube.com/watch?v=0Cpb8rqYFd8&

Holy crap it sounds like you've had a terrible year. I'm not really sure what to say, other than my sympathies.

On the plus side, it's clear to you what's happened (there's no mystery), and that should be slightly comforting as you can have a vague roadmap. I'm not familiar with how those injuries heal, but I'm hoping they will heal back.

The closest thing I can empathize with is a few years ago, I hurt my back (9 on the pain scale at a few moments - awful stuff), and couldn't get a diagnosis. I foolishly mentioned to the GP I didn't want to take a course of anti-inflammatories and that combined with my dissheveled appearance from days of not being able to leave the bed, meant that I was treated as a drug-seeker! Anyway I never got a proper diagnosis, so it was a mystery what went wrong. I tried various things and basically weeks of lying on the floor seemed to fix it (luckily I could still work from this position). A few months later - it was looking like the back injury was going to return - and it kept getting worse and worse despite my best efforts, and it was a very dark time as I had no idea what caused it, and what I could even do as prevention. Thankfully I did figure something out (back hyperextensions!) and was able to recover.

It will get better, and you'll be back climbing better than ever once you've recovered

As everyone has already said, that's a horrible run of luck by any standards - you sound pretty cheerful considering!

As well as all the acute injury-related distress, don't underestimate the effect of the long-term thesis stress.  I remember it well.  My supervisor died during my final year (we both had an irritating cough and kept telling each other do something about it - mine was fixable, his wasn't) which added a whole new level of pressure and guilt.

The good news is, you can do something about getting the PhD resolved.  You are too busy to go climbing anyway, and as it happens, getting written up isn't keeping from the crag or damaging your fitness.  You won't believe the feeling of relief when it goes to the binders; you'll dance down the street, even on crutches -focus on that.  One impossible thing at a time.

Christ, that all sounds absolutely awful mate.

I've got no words of wisdom to help you right now, other than the obvious to what you already know, it's gonna take some time and effort but you will recover and you will be back on your feet again, and you'll have your PhD, and there won't be a pandemic on.

The sun will shine on you again.

I share your pain.  I broke my ankle very severely in Kalymnos  just over 2 years ago.  They fitted a plate out there but this had to be redone when I got back as apparently one screw was too short and another was too long. After a year I was just getting back on my feet when I suddenly became very ill. I was in pain, vomiting and lost well over 2 stone in weight. It turned out to be a couple of minor ops on my gall bladder but apparently I could have died.  I do however count my blessings that I got my operations in just before Covid struck but it's now getting on for two and a half years of boring inactivity. I was climbing at 7a and E4 but I'm now at an age, 73, where I can't face the prospect of putting in the effort to get back to that standard and I would be frustrated to feel that I am not climbing at my potential i.e. 7a and E4 so it looks as though my climbing career is possibly over.  Again, looking on the bright side I've bought an E Mountain Bike and have rediscovered mountain biking.

Al

What you need is some superlucky cat. May the superlucky cat go with you and be your guide.

Forgot to ask, what's the PhD about? What department?

'Chuffin' 'ell' (as can be said in Sheffield), that is a tough year. You'd be unusual not to be feeling it.

'' You're not back on square one. Through your precious misfortune you have developed fortitude, patience and coping strategies. These will now stand you in good stead. ''

I think this comment from further up is wise.

Bloody bad luck. Nothing you did/didn't do, just really bad timing coming so close to last injury. But time will pass, and injuries will heal - you know this already. Having had a few injury enforced activity layoffs over the years....

Learn new skills (and do the physio)

Learn to cook new/different dishes (and do the physio)

Contact old friends (and do the physio)

Read more books, listen to more music (and do the physio)

Enjoy the slower pace of life - you can't change it (but do the physio)

Remember to do your physio. 😁

It might sound weird, but after watching this video of cats sounding like 'happy old ladies' (to my ears) a few times, I found myself saying thinking of it occasionally, and it cheered me up.

youtube.com/watch?v=7NcP-KZr7g4&

There's something about their unbridled joy.

Edit: I hesitate to recommend it, but it 'is' possible to cycle along on the flat/undulating terrain using one leg if you use a toeclip, and push and pull with your good leg. I got bored after falling off my bike many years ago, and cycled round the corner for a magazine like that, sticking my bandaged leg out to one side.

Have you been playing with ouija boards or reneged on a deal with the seal folk? Sounds like your life has got the death wobbles like a downhill skateboard.

It may help to consider that if ever there was a time to get wiped out it's now, with the worlds plans on hold or cancelled. Your alpine plans were probably going to be put back to 22 anyway with the way things are going. It could just be a future self has stacked a lifetimes worth of f*ckery into now so you're clear for decades to come later, getting it out of the way as it were.

In a totally biased way, reconsider bouldering; of all the modes it seems to have far greater results in injury that the others. Stick with something safe like climbing ice.

Arghghggggh. That's tough on you for sure.

I wonder if the initial meniscal cartilage damage and surgery has resulted in poor proprioception in that knee so you dont know quite as well as you should where it's going etc. Then because of this you've gone over on that knee and done more to it.

I've got a few stuffed joints....chronic meniscal damage from wear n tear, ankle osteoarthritis from a climbing injury years ago. At the mo shoulder instability from a climbing fall this summer......

One thing that keeps me going.....I was in mont blanc area in that carpark on swiss french border just up road from Argentiere (cant spell). These 2 guys walk across carpark. One of them was the hobbliest crooked bloke I've ever seen.......it was Andy Parkin...alpine legend....still climbing away. Really nice humble chap who had a good chat with us. So now when I'm having a hobbly sore ankle day I draw strength from his example.

Weve had quite a grim time of it this year too. July my son got punched by some waster outside a pub. Resulted in a brain haemorrhage that nearly finished him off. It makes me well up just writing that. Yeah, a very close call. Several hours of surgery and a week in hospital.....he's made an amazing recovery with probably full neuro recovery. Shit like this never leaves you though and it's now part of him. We had the worst thing ever about to happen to us as a familly then it felt like we'd been given something so special when he came through it. It's different to what you're going through but yeah......life is pretty crazy and challenging isnt it.😂.

I hope you're injuries settle quick and dont upset your plans too much. I do alot of road cycling now which buggered joints cope really well with. Still climb loads. Get to alps....scottish winter etc. You find ways around these aches n pains. Running really stuffs me up. Climbing seems quite gentle on my knee n ankle. Bouldering and jumping off lots isnt the greatest so I do mostly roped up stuff. Certain twisty movements need avoiding like heel hook rock overy sort of shit. Anyhows.....hope this ramble distracts you for 5 mins.

Good luck with it all.

😂😂😂😂Are you trying to finish him off with the one legged cycling. 

Here is an anecdote that often cheers people up. Twenty years ago I'd had a couple of bits of relatively minor bad luck (theft of bike, theft of a bag in a pub, that sort of thing) so I resolved to be a bit more "on my guard". 

On a lazy summer trip to Spain, I was simply ambling around a nice park in the middle of the day, and feeling weary, I thought "I'll just sit and chill out on that bench, possibly have a snooze while listening to my Walkman". 

As I had a small backpack with me and was really working hard to not have things stolen, I thought a clever idea (in case I fell asleep) would be to thread my belt through the arm of the park bench and through a loop on the bag and then fasten my belt again. 

I didn't fall asleep. A well-to-do senior gent joined me on the bench and started to engage in conversation. I speak a tiny bit of Spanish so tried to converse, until it became clear that I had inadvertently sat on the bench that is the invitation to "sexy time". Awkward. 
In my best effort at Spanish I tried to shoo him away but he thought I was being a prick-tease by not walking off myself - something that I would have done if I were not fastened to the bloody bench!

Eventually I had to give up on sending him away, and make my own departure. Starting with.....UNFASTENING MY BELT! Which gave the wrong impression....

Not intentionally.  

I'm studying glaciology at the University of Bristol. I do numerical modeling of the Greenland Ice Sheet, my hope after the PhD is to be able to get out there and do fieldwork too.

Thanks everybody for all the positive messages. I've been feeling much more positively today. Obviously it's still shitty, but from another point of view the first injury makes the new one easier to manage. I already have my crutch technique nailed and I'm much better able to do things myself, I'm ready for the pain post-surgery but I also know that it will only be temporary, and I know that the progress of the recovery will be quick and that there'll be day to day improvements.

If you're taking a long time on a PhD in glaciology then you better hurry up before they're gone 😁

I was in South Greenland in 1972 - looking at the state of the glacier now via Google I would agree!

By no means did that cross my mind for a second! Just that if I can for a moment objectively assess your situation as being awful luck and a temporary set back, I can apply that same logic to myself. In a year where a lot of people are fed up for lots of reasons your story was a good dose of perspective.

Maybe it's me but I'd prefer to have two separate injuries all day long, as it shows that you've reocvered well from the first injury and it's not looking like a repetitive issue that might be hard to fully recover from.

I wish you the most speedy and full recovery!

Oh man I am so sorry to hear, such a sinking feeling to read about the second injury! So immensely frustrating. Knees are bastards! I'm sure you have that healing / mending process down to a T now so hopefully this recovery will be easier than the first and you will be back on the rock again soon.

Sorry to hear, Trev. If it's any consolation, I had the exact same initial injury (bucket-handle/fish-mouth tear of meniscus) in my knee about ten years ago and it's quite fast to heal. I wasn't given any crutches or braces though, you lucky bugger. I don't really have any lasting effects from it, though I think both my knees are just a bit dodgy in general. I'm sure the physios have all given you better healing advice than I can, but I would steer clear of anything high-impact for a while, as cartilage takes a long time to heal. Did they take yours out? Mine was causing tracking issues so they basically snipped the 'handle' (30%-40% of my meniscus) out. Once the surgery wounds have healed then focus yourself 100% on physio. I half-arsed it and I regret it; you only get one chance to heal. 

One positive is that at least it all happened to you during this bullshit year when everyone is having a bad time, and it's not going to bum you out as much as it would have if it was in a normal year. Think of it as a monumental test of your mettle to get through it, as I can guarantee things will improve.

Take pleasure in the small things and make plans. Set yourself small, achievable goals.

If climbing was a big part of your life then maybe find a new hobby you can do which links back to it (photography for example). I'm a trad bumbler myself, and a lot of the enjoyment I get from climbing is not in the climb. I'm sure you can still experience a lot of what we enjoy without pulling on.  

I'm Bristol as well, so let me know if you want a responsible, freezing chat on a bench. I am a c*nt though, just forewarning. 

Thank you for the very kind offer Paul! Don't worry, so am I! I may drop you a message next week, but for now I'm pretty much helpless!

I got the repair job on the meniscus anyway. It's better in the long run but takes longer to heal. That said, I'm not sure if the conjunction of the two injuries will cause any trouble in the long term.

How many glaciologists does it take to change a lightbulb?......no-one knows yet but they are grinding the answer out.

On such things you may know this site, but then again...

https://www.spri.cam.ac.uk/resources/kids/jokes.html