“Look, check this out! Our brand new elite durable lightweight hardshell for 2019.”
The rep gestures a caffeine-energised hand at a neon-yellow jacket displayed prominently on a glitzy mannequin that stands, frozen midstride, its hands bizarrely positioned on the hips like an extra in a Beyoncé music video. It bears a remarkable resemblance to a tailored recycling bag in a student fashion show.
Still, it’s apparently this brand’s star product. Better summon some enthusiasm.
“So, it’s got a new membrane…?”
The rep wiggles his eyebrows conspiratorially.
“Better. A classic Gore Tex Pro membrane, super lightweight and mega durable with new Thicc™ protection technology. Those shoulder pads have more deniers than you’ve had hot dinners.”
“Um – ok. What’s the intended range of use?”
“That’s the best part! Our new western-cut gives a roomy athletic fit for maximum range-of-motion, layerability and next-to-skin comfort, whether you’re conquering your latest alpine peak or sending gnarly powder lines on an all-time ski tour. An absolute steal at £799.99”
The rep winks excruciatingly, indicating that he’s about to let me in on a big secret.
“Of course, it’s perfect for commuting in the city as well.”
Sigh.
I suspect for many of us this scene will be a familiar spectacle. The market-leading brands dazzle the media year with a confusing array of new waterproof jackets, and each year it gets more challenging to tell the difference between them. Every product is supposed to be the most durable, the lightest, the most breathable – despite the glaringly obvious fact that they all use broadly the same membrane technology and the fairly straightforward reality that if a jacket is light it won’t be as durable, and vice versa.
Anyone else wondering why hardshells costs more and more, year in, year out, for the exact same tech?
Come on, change my mind. Who is doing the best R&D right now?
Yours sincerely, a disillusioned outdoor industry employee.
