Dancing with Demons - Part 2.

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 Goucho 27 Feb 2017
...a check with the time informs it's still only 3.00pm.
Plan A was to reach Death Bivi on day one, with a Plan B aiming for the Brittle Ledge’s if we went well.
We now contemplate a possible Plan C. We’ve got a few hours of daylight left, which if we get the hammer down, should be enough to reach the Corti Bivi.
From this point on, I’m into unknown territory, though thankfully my partner knows it well. It’s both out third time on the face, but unlike my epic failures, he’s romped up it twice before.
The Brittle Crack is awkward and insecure, a shattered, tottering fissure held onto the face by stubbornness. Then it’s the swing out onto the Traverse of the Gods.
Jesus it’s exposed!
I risk a quick glance down into the abyss below, the whole face falling away into nothing but rushing air. The climbing is steady, but that void below pulls at my heels and psyche, until we finally reach the eponymous title of the book that haunted my teenage years.
What a place!
For the first time, no longer blinkered and weighed down by the ghosts of my previous failures, I can appreciate the magnificent and spectacular architecture of this huge face. It really is utterly jaw dropping in its scale and savage beauty.
A few ropes lengths up a benign and straightforward Spider, and we’re below the huge headwall of the Exit Cracks.
I suddenly feel very insignificant, a pointless speck of ego and mortality.
A deceptively hard gully pitch leads to the Quartz Crack. It looks horrendous, but thankfully, the weapons grade youngster on the sharp end is made of the stuff that I’m not, and gives an ice cool and masterful display of climbing brilliance which takes my breath away, as he dances up with footwork that would make even Michael Flatley turn green.
I follow in a style best described as a stunned pig in an abattoir – especially at the swing out left at the top of the pitch.
As dusk starts to lower its veil down the face, we traverse across to the eagles perch of the Corti bivi.
It takes almost an hour of combined effort to chop and clear enough snow and ice from the ledge to make it reasonably comfortable.
As we busy ourselves with the domestic chores of the bivi, my young partner smiles at me – “not bad for an old man” – he grins. He’s half my age, yet we both know who’s the sorcerer and who’s the apprentice. I am here on this small ledge, perched on the edge of nowhere because of him, not me.
I am exhausted and cold, yet my spirit soars up into the twighlight.
As the stove chatters away to the brew, I slip into my sleeping bag and gaze down from my small lofty perch to the twinkling lights of Klein Scheidegg and Grindelwald far below. A wave of unexpected contentment sweeps over me. No matter what happens, the hard and dangerous stuff is below.
I’ve been saving a particularly fine Cuban cigar, and a hip flask of vintage Armagnac brandy for the summit, but this moment seems more appropriate.
As I sit digesting the wonderful pasta and meatballs laced with enough garlic to scare off a platoon of vampires, and cooked as only an Italian can cook, sipping on a piping hot brew infused with that wonderful orange brandy, I light the cigar. God it tastes so, so good. It is one of those memories to cherish, to lock away in that special place reserved for the final run through the reels of life, before passing off the mortal coil.
The night air is cold, and the wind is starting to blow up and across the face, yet I still drift into a contented sleep.
Dawn is already breaking when we stumble from our pits and get the crucial morning brew on. A rushed breakfast of dates and apricots washed down with ferociously strong coffee, and it’s time to say goodbye to this infamous little ledge.
Down and left slightly, via a fixed rope, and the remainder of the Exit Cracks loom ominously above. The next three pitches are still hard, and poorly protected, before slowly giving way to about four relatively easier but still serious and fragile pitches. Everything slopes and leans the wrong way, out of balance, and the climbing feels very insecure and sketchy. The gear is noticeable by its absence. Time passes in slow motion, a grinding stuttering series of freeze frames, as the cold cuts through and goes from very uncomfortable to achingly painful.
Then, suddenly, I’m pulling out from void and gravity of below. Pulling out from the demons that have shadowed my life. Pulling out from those terrible retreats that held me prisoner in my head for far too long. Pulling out from the history and folklore. Pulling out from the ghosts. Pulling out of the shadows, and into the light, in more ways than one.
A short while later, I finally get to experience ‘the’ moment, as I haul myself into the biting wind howling across the Mitteligi Ridge. I’ve done it! I’ve finally climbed the 38’ route on the Eiger.
On the summit, we definitely go so far as to hug each other. I feel both elated and relieved. I grab hold of my glorious young partner who has made this moment possible, and kiss him on the top of his head. If he was a Brit, we could be looking at a slap, but to an Italian it is a perfectly natural display of friendship. He smiles broadly and happily at me, and I am overcome with emotion. I can feel the tears of joy freezing on my face in the fierce icy wind, until he reaches with his thumbs and wipes them away.
“Not bad for an old man” he grins “Not bad at all.”
We bound down the West Flank as fast as we can, desperate to try and generate some warmth into our frozen bones. A third of the way down, I make a solitary detour over to the edge overlooking the North Face.
I spend a few minutes looking across at this huge face that has been such an irrational part of my life. Yet I no longer feel any animosity to this brooding, menacing and brutally majestic face. This is, surprisingly, not a ‘F*ck You’ moment.
I haven’t slain the Eiger demons, because the Eiger doesn’t have any demons. What I have done, is slain the demons in my head.
Getting closure was always a big part of this climb for me, but in the process of getting that closure, I’ve also discovered, that when you strip away the psychology, macabre history and emotional baggage, in good winter conditions with stable weather, the 38’ route is a rather wonderful and magnificent climb. Any interaction with this face tends to stay in the memory bank far longer and with far more impact than most other routes. And that, whether the experience is bad or good, is a sign of greatness.
Having finally succeeded in climbing it, I am even more in awe and humbled by it, and my respect for those early pioneers of the 30’s is greater than ever.
I turn away, and head down to the safety and security of the world below.
By 6.00pm we’re back in the comfort of the Scheidegg Hotel, and I’m back where life really matters - in the warmth of Mrs G’s arms.
Through the windows, I look up at the silhouette of that huge face framing the night sky, and smile to myself.
Not bad for an old man. Not bad at all.
 MG 27 Feb 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Well done!!
Clauso 27 Feb 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Chapeau!
 Tyler 27 Feb 2017
In reply to Goucho:
Is this a recent triumph? I always thought you hadn't done it?
cb294 27 Feb 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Congrats old man!

CB
OP Goucho 27 Feb 2017
In reply to Tyler:

> Is this a recent triumph? I always thought you hadn't done it?

Yep. Third time lucky
 Postmanpat 27 Feb 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Brilliant! Well done, very chuffed for you.
 Tyler 27 Feb 2017
In reply to Goucho:
Flipping heck that's fantastic. I'm sure there'll be a lot of us older climbers interested to know how you managed to get/maintain the fitness to do that. I'm inspired
Post edited at 16:54
 thommi 27 Feb 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Excellent stuff.
OP Goucho 27 Feb 2017
In reply to Tyler:

> Flipping heck that's fantastic. I'm sure there'll be a lot of us older climbers interested to know how you managed to get/maintain the fitness to do that. I'm inspired

Worked pretty hard at my fitness over the last two years. Lots of alpine mileage, both summer and winter, with a lot of focus on legs and cardiovascular. Started running - which I've always hated, and am still rubbish at - and Mrs G put together a training programme used by pro downhill skiers to strengthen the knees and thighs. In fact the only upper body exercise I tend to do are press-ups, sit-ups/ab crunches and pull-ups on my axes hooked over an old beam.

Biggest factor though, was having a partner considerably better than me
Removed User 27 Feb 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Chapeau Sir! A great tale well told as always. Food for thought for the 'Am I too old for this?' wonderers.

What's next?
 Rick Graham 27 Feb 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Well done, G

Any nice pics ?
OP Goucho 27 Feb 2017
In reply to Rick Graham:

> Well done, G Any nice pics ?

Hopefully - if you ignore the camera shake

Will upload at some point.
OP Goucho 27 Feb 2017
In reply to Removed UserStuart en Écosse:

> Chapeau Sir! A great tale well told as always. Food for thought for the 'Am I too old for this?' wonderers.What's next?

Thanks.

Hopefully going to have another look at the Colton Mac in the next week or so.
 TonyG 28 Feb 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Congratulations, Goucho! Knowing your history and emotions with this face from previous threads over the years, I felt delighted and inspired as this story unfolded. Thanks for sharing your experience, and a truly heartfelt well done to you!
 the abmmc 28 Feb 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Congratulations Goucho. Reading this, after reading all your earlier writing on this climb, was like being invited to follow an old story again, and a slow realisation coming that this time it was going to have a different end. Wonderful to read. Congratulations on achieving something perhaps only you felt the need to do. Simply brilliant....it's going to be a good day today, I can tell.
 TheFasting 28 Feb 2017
In reply to Goucho:

YES! Even as a very new guy here the story about Groucho and the Eiger is one of the forum legends I've heard about. Congratulations!

You write very well. Considered writing a book? I'd buy it.

Peuterey Integrale next then?
 Ian Parsons 28 Feb 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Excellent stuff! I'm guessing that - to someone steeped in the history of the place - that night at the Corti Bivouac will take some beating.
 Rick Graham 28 Feb 2017
In reply to Ian Parsons:

and now a quiz question

> Excellent stuff! I'm guessing that - to someone steeped in the history of the place - that night at the Corti Bivouac will take some beating.

What is unique about the Corti Bivi?

Clue. A certain feature about the belay that I have never seen anywhere before in almost fifty years of climbing.
 David Rose 28 Feb 2017
In reply to Goucho:
As an old fart of 57, I warmly applaud this fantastic achievement and the excellent piece of writing that does it full justice. Well done!

Could you send me a link to the ski exercises? My own right knee is a bit dodgy and anything I can do to strengthen the muscles can only delay the day when I have to get it replaced.
Post edited at 12:19
 Rob Exile Ward 28 Feb 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Outstanding account of an outstanding achievement. Bl**dy well done.
(I suspect my return bout to the Alps this summer won't be QUITE as impressive...)
 TheFasting 28 Feb 2017
In reply to TheFasting:

lol that misspelling of your name was not intentional btw
 Rick Graham 28 Feb 2017
In reply to TheFasting:

He might not mind, G can be quite funny at times
 Mick Ward 28 Feb 2017
In reply to Goucho:

> Then, suddenly, I’m pulling out from void and gravity of below. Pulling out from the demons that have shadowed my life. Pulling out from those terrible retreats that held me prisoner in my head for far too long. Pulling out from the history and folklore. Pulling out from the ghosts. Pulling out of the shadows, and into the light, in more ways than one.

What it's all about...

Sometimes when people succeed on certain routes, it matters more to me than any route I've ever done - because it mattered so much to them. Over the last few months I've wondered what you've been doing, barely hoped that you'd go back a third time (but so wanted you to!)

And I'm really, really, really happy it all came together for you. If anyone ever deserved some decent conditions and some good fortune, you did.

Congratulations!

Mick
 Raymondo 01 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Well done Goucho, an awesome read, and somewhere I would never dare set foot. Well done again.
 BALD EAGLE 01 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:

A fantastic read and top effort Goucho! Third time lucky and a maa-hoosive congratulations for finally "slaying" those biggest demons of all. The ones in the mind...
Cheers
Dave
 jon 01 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:

> > Any nice pics ?

> Hopefully ... Will upload at some point.

Just stop prevaricating and go and get them developed...

 Bobling 01 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:

I read this last night and initially wasn't going to post as why would a weekend punter's opinion mean anything to you but it's been knocking round my head ever since so here goes.
Massive congratulations to you - I'm in awe, having read that book a good few times myself. Great post thanks for sharing. Inspirational stuff. I think it answers the recent thread about "Aged 34, is it too late to climb hard routes?".
 Rick Graham 01 Mar 2017
In reply to jon:

> Just stop prevaricating and go and get them developed...

Might not be slides, Jon.

Things have moved on a bit

Even Bernard's on digital now.
 jcw 01 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:
Your writing is worthy of the achievement, if I may be so bold as to add my congratulations. Demons indeed. That face haunted me from the day I first saw it as a schoolboy in 1952, but I never had the courage even to put it on a "wish list" once I started climbing. The other two yes, unachieved, but that one! Toni Kurz "Im Seil hängend", Barry Brewster, Corti-Longhi etc. shades of Götterdamerung. Or as they say in the modern vernacular WOW.
Post edited at 16:52
 jon 01 Mar 2017
In reply to Rick Graham:

> Might not be slides, Jon.

Prints Rick. They'll be prints.
 rogerwebb 01 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:
Excellent!

That is extremely cheering news.

(and impressive on many levels)
Post edited at 19:18
 iknowfear 01 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Thats a fantastic achievement! Even more so for your history with that mountain.
Congrats!

PS: I Would read the book and watch the film of that epic story
 BALD EAGLE 02 Mar 2017
In reply to goucho and iknowfear:

> Thats a fantastic achievement! Even more so for your history with that mountain. Congrats!PS: I Would read the book and watch the film of that epic story

Ha ha indeed this real-life story of derring-do and determination would make an absolutely epic film so Goucho if you want to go back and repeat the classic 38' route I'll film it for you! As long as you drag me up it as I'm way too rubbish and scared to lead any pitches myself...
Cheers
Dave

 BusyLizzie 02 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Such an achievement (and so well-written too). This is light-years beyond anything I could even dream of attempting but it is wonderful to read about it - thank you!
Lxx
OP Goucho 02 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Thank you everyone for your lovely comments, I'm genuinely touched

 Simon4 02 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Inspirational, nicely written and a standing reproach to all us old farts who claim we can't do anything because we are past it. I think I would always have found such a massive, foreboding, wall terrifying, never having been once tempted to attempt it, but great to hear when someone finally gets through an internal challenge.

Did you take a pipe and slippers for a joke photograph at death/Corti bivouac?
 jon 04 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Come on G, we need photos...
 Rob Parsons 04 Mar 2017
In reply to Rick Graham:

> What is unique about the Corti Bivi?

Ok, I give up (and I have never been on the route myself.)

What's the answer?

 John Cuthbert 05 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:

A very honest telling Goucho. I sort of know how you feel. I'm knocking on 54, failed on the Eiger 25 years ago (but fortunately have done better on Les Jorrasses, Droites, Verte, Matterhorn and others) and yet the passing of time and the onset of some frailty has not diminished the nagging desire to return and finish the job.

So this tale has helped. thanks.

I'm living on the other side of the tunnel (Cham) so if you find yourself short of a climbing buddy, or want to engage in some joint psyche about training and trips, don't hesitate to get in touch.

John C
Gone for good 05 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Very many congratulations. I like many on this website have been aware of your previous frustrations and frayed nerves on the 38 route so to hear that you have overcome the doubts and fears is refreshing and a salient reminder of what can be achieved once the mind overcomes the percieved objections. Very impressive!
 Rick Graham 05 Mar 2017
In reply to Rob Parsons:
> Ok, I give up (and I have never been on the route myself.)What's the answer?

Nothing too special TBH.

Just a curious exact square of drilled holes, all about 20mm diameter and quite deep.

Must be a relic of some filming thereabouts.

IIRC battery drills were not popular until the 80's so unless they carried up a compressor ( a la Cerro Torre ), the holes must have been quite recent when I saw them in 1990.
Post edited at 17:27
 Mal Grey 05 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Congratulations! One of the best posts in ages.

 Robert Durran 05 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Really pleased for you. Fine effort and fine write up.
 Tom Last 05 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Superb.
latisha 06 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Wonderful stories and achievement too!
 JuanTinco 14 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Have just stumbled on this,

Chapeau, Fantastique work, I've passed it many times, but feel like I know a little of the face from that read.

Juan
 CurlyStevo 14 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Good work on the climbing and the write up - Nice one!
 Slarti B 14 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:
Fantastic piece of writing, have read White Spider etc but this really made it come alive for me.
Well done and many thanks..

And please can we some photos!!!
Post edited at 20:12
 pneame 14 Mar 2017
In reply to Goucho:

Brilliant! Congratulations!
In reply to Goucho:

You most certainly have been working on your fitness, corti bivvy is a good long day! Very nicely written - could easily have been in a magazine article or book.

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