The Bike Ride from Hell.

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 Slackboot 23 May 2021

I can't explain why I found myself on the A66 cycling over to the Lakes that day. It was one of those bad decisions that had unforseen consequences. Normally I would be pedalling through the much more lovely and sensible Wensleydale via the chip shop in Hawes. But today, as the lorries thundered past, inches from my pedals my only hope of sanctuary was the caravan selling tea and burgers half way over. I was obviously causing the overtaking lorries problems judging by the the horns and hooters that were directed at me. What a fool I was coming this way. As I approached the Tea caravan after surviving the first part of the journey I noticed a group of tough looking blokes in a group obviously waiting for something more than a burger. I knew there was going to be trouble when they greeted me with the words "Here's the idiot ". 

  To be fair I could tell that they were genuinely concerned for my safety as they pointed out the error of my ways over a cup of steaming tea. The leader, a rough and hard looking Glaswegian said, " right then, get his bike". They proceeded to tie 'my precious' to the top of a load of steel plate on one of the huge lorries. "Mmmm I wonder if they're stealing my bike" I mused to myself in a quiet non -confrontational sort of way. Shortly after I found myself hoisted in to the cab of the lorry. " And now I'm being kidnapped! " I thought. 

 We drove in convoy, all the lorries carrying steel plate (and a bike) from British Steel on Teesside and heading for Scotland. I sat placidly in the cab listening to 'Jock's' tales of haulage adventures. It went through my mind that I would soon feature in one of these stories. The 'CB' radio cackled into life. " Breaker, breaker this is Musclemass to Crusher over........ the bikes come off! " Panicking I searched the huge rear view mirror for any sign of my bike. It was still there! The radio was full of the roaring laughter of truckers highly amused at my discomfort.

They dropped me and my bike at a slip road on the M6 and sped off northward. As I pushed my bike up the slip road away from the M6 a distraught woman cycled past me coming from the motorway! She stopped and explained that she had inadvertently cycled onto the M6. She was very upset so I tried to reassure her. This day can get no stranger I remember thinking just before a Highway Patrol Car pulled up and the Police Officer arrested us for cycling on the Motorway. To her credit the woman explained that I hadn't been involved in her wrongdoing and I was duly allowed to continue pushing my bike up the slip road towards Lakeland. As I pedalled up the ever increasing gradient I remember thinking that surely there would be no more trials and tribulations on this journey. I had completely forgotten about Kirkstone Pass!

 George Ormerod 23 May 2021
In reply to Slackboot:

Excellent, thanks. Don’t know how much of that was embellished, but I don’t care 😃

OP Slackboot 23 May 2021
In reply to George Ormerod:

Every word is true! 😊

 Lankyman 23 May 2021
In reply to Slackboot:

Being harassed by drivers on Kirkstone must be pretty alarming going by the damage to the drystone walls I've seen. Once encountered a car nosed into the little stream there.

In reply to Slackboot:

Did you write this! great piece of fiction when is the novel coming out.

2
 Timmd 23 May 2021
In reply to Slackboot:

The bikes come off joke was evilly funny.

OP Slackboot 23 May 2021
In reply to Andy Clarke1965:

> Did you write this! great piece of fiction when is the novel coming out.

I can promise you that it is all true. The only liberty I took was inventing the 'handles' Musclemass and Crusher. They really did joke on the radio that my bike had come off!  I am no good at writing fiction. 

Post edited at 16:31
In reply to Slackboot:

You have a flair for this, if this was an exert from your biography it would be very entertaining, perhaps you could embellish your exploits in the greater ranges if you are not that famous.

OP Slackboot 23 May 2021
In reply to Andy Clarke1965:

It is just a retelling of odd things that happen to an ordinary guy in a funny way. Have a read of some of my other posts if you genuinely enjoyed it. There was one I posted recently where I bumped into a camera crew filming a comedy programme when I topped out on a climb on  Crag Lough, and another where I was frightened by what looked like a sheep waiting to pounce on me from where it sat on top of a hedge. I should really post some photos of this stuff if I can work out how to do it. They are all true stories but I try to entertain by telling them in a funny way. Some of my early posts are cringeworthy but it's all done with the best of intentions.

 Timmd 23 May 2021
In reply to Slackboot:

I don't suppose you could mind the joke too much, since they were giving you a lift and looking out for you.

It reminds me of the banter I had with a working class Geordie when conservation volunteering, he was a softy wrapped up in 'robust north east masculinity' behaviour ticks (if that doesn't sound pretentious).

Post edited at 20:13
 Boomer Doomer 23 May 2021
In reply to Slackboot:

Epic!

Thanks... whatever the veracity, it made me smile.

 Dave the Rave 23 May 2021
In reply to Slackboot:

Where did they really drop you off? Keswick? A good tale that

OP Slackboot 23 May 2021
In reply to Boomer Doomer:

> Epic!

> Thanks... whatever the veracity, it made me smile.

Lol. Thank you too. It really is true! When I told my family about it they fell about laughing. It's just another weird thing that's happened to dad.

 Alkis 23 May 2021
In reply to Slackboot:

I loved every word of that!

I do find it odd how some people react to unfamiliar situations though, regarding the person that ended up on the motorway. If I somehow ended up cycling onto the M6, I'd be hopping over the barrier and bushwhacking to safety pronto.

OP Slackboot 23 May 2021
In reply to Dave the Rave:

> Where did they really drop you off? Keswick? A good tale that

No they dropped me off on a slip road that led onto the Northbound carriageway of the M6. I walked up the grass verge on the slip road pushing my bike away from the motorway. When the woman passed me cycling against the flow of traffic on the slip road I made her get off and walk with me. She was very pannicky and confused. Then the Police car arrived. It would have been worse for her if they had found her still cycling. When they told me to move on I kept walking till I got to a road with two way traffic. It eventually led to Kirkstone Pass so the lorry drivers knew what they were doing when they dropped me where they did. I must have told them I was going to Ambleside.


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