UKH

http://www.t1twenty.com/climbing-the-north-face-of-the-eiger-with-a-friend/

Any feedback welcome!

In reply to TimhNorthBASE:

I enjoyed your account. Well done. I would say get a (much) better camera and try to move away from the bland but fashionable style of writing where sentences don't have subjects. It comes across as naff and very insubstantial.

E.g. "Death bivvy (which can normally sleep 4,) might be full." would be better as " The Death bivvy (which can normally sleep 4,) might be full."

In reply to Cuthbert:

Inclined to disagree as Death Bivvy is a name/title.

In reply to kwoods:

Yes but it has the definite article though?

I like the post on his blog.

In reply to Cuthbert:


Eh? It's a blog... you can write it in full, textbook-English-exam style, quasi-diary, no-sentences note form or whatever. So long as it's intelligible, which this one certainly is!


No, it wouldn't. It's fine (better!) as it as, though I can't believe you missed the superfluous comma after '4' if you want to be picky (which I don't)...

In reply to Cuthbert:


What, like 'The Switzerland', 'The Grindelwald' or 'The UKC'? They've got definite articles too!

In reply to Cuthbert:


Hmm... don't really follow. With or without the definite article, the sentence still has a subject. A sentence without a subject is just a predicate.

In reply to TimhNorthBASE:

Great read, cheers. Thought that the 'Sugar loaf' article on the blog was about the one in Abergavenny at first sight of the link, made me laugh after reading the Eiger article.

In reply to TimhNorthBASE:

Good read. If I were to make a criticism, I'd like to read more about how you felt than just what happened on the route - there are any number of blogs I can read about the 1938 route along the lines of "This happened, then this happened, then this happened". How did you feel seeing other teams bailing in front of you? when your lighter didn't work? When you dropped an ice screw?

In reply to Cuthbert:

Jesus. H.

In reply to Cuthbert:

A better camera??

In reply to TimhNorthBASE:



I thought it was pretty good. The quality of the photos is not good, but the photos themselves were fine. I agree with others would be good to have some thoughts and feelings included, rather than a simple progression of action.


- Hinterstoisser traverse > capital 'T' for a named feature

- "the difficult crack" > ditto and ditto for Ice Chimney etc

- "Death bivvy (which can normally sleep 4,) might be full. Though we needn’t have worried about that, the snow build up had buried the ledge" - alternating present and past tense/voice. Many editors would correct this, but personally I like it, so I do it too.

- "5 spare matches, this could go wrong real fast." > Bad comma - a hyphen or even full-stop / new sentence would be better and have more impact.

- musilie > muesli

- "The ice chimney was bear from ice" - growling and furry? Or bare?

- "and without the knowledge that its actually doable, real commitment." > Again, bad comma. You need more of a break to delineate the two parts of the sentence, as the first part is description, the last part your comment.

- "The quartz crack was short…" > Named features get capitals.

- 'bivvy' or 'bivi' - choose one and stick with it.

- "So there I was hanging from one screw my feet in bits after 2 days of kicking my toes…" > Take those two bad commas from above and put them into this sentence instead. It's too run-on.

- "...not have a poco loco!?" > Even overrated fast food businesses get capitals for their name.

In reply to Damo:

Thanks for the changes ill make them now, but I do think your looking a bit to much into it, getting capitals from their name, don't think there shares are going to increase because i mentioned them in a small blog. As for the photos come on, have you seen most of the photos from the 1938 route, pretty drab!

In reply to TimhNorthBASE:
Nah, that was just the things that stood out on a quick skim!

>>"getting capitals from their name, don't think there shares are going to increase because i mentioned them in a small blog."

'there' > their

The point isn't publicity. The point is clarity for the reader. You're referring to a business by name, not meaning the Spanish for 'a little crazy'. The former makes sense, the latter does not. Someone who hadn't tried to poison themselves just before midnight in Cham might not have any clue what you're getting at.

>>As for the photos come on, have you seen most of the photos from the 1938 route, pretty drab!

It's not the subject. They're blurry.

You did say 'Any feedback welcome!"

In reply to Damo:


A spaced en-dash, not a hyphen.

Grammar north face, eh?

In reply to felt:

Personally I'm not hugely fussed about spelling and grammar in a blog post - so long as it's intelligible, and you can bring something personal to the writing beyond just a linear description of events.

In reply to planetmarshall:

Me neither, although I'm making an unsupported bid for the FA of the tricky north-west arête of the Circumflex next month, of which much more in my blog.

In reply to TimhNorthBASE

*I'll
*Their
*I

In reply to TimhNorthBASE:

Nice post. Looks like a great adventure.

In reply to TimhNorthBASE:

I really enjoyed reading about your climb. Fantastic- well done. Was it harder / easier/ similar to how you thought it would be?

In reply to redsonja:

Thanks a lot. I was similar to how i thought it would be but commitment was a real big thing for me, the second day there was no way we where going to bail so just had to get the job done!

In reply to TimhNorthBASE:

Well, for what it's worth, I've made my living as a writer for the past 35 years, with seven published books and innumerable articles to my name. First off: I don't know what prompted Cuthbert's comment, but it's nonsense. I also strongly disagree with the comment that you should have written more about your feelings. There is an old and serviceable principle in writing of most kinds: "show, don't tell." Your feelings should emerge from what you describe happening. Including lots of stuff along the lines of "I was heartbroken. This down jacket had cost me 300 Euros, and now it was half-ruined" would have weakened this piece.

Overall I would say that as far as it goes, it's really good. It conveys a sense of atmosphere and achievement strongly - showing, not telling, as I said. But I want more! You gloss over big sections of the route without telling us anything - the icefields,. the Ramp, the Traverse of the Gods, the White Spider. What were they like? How was the climbing? And what about the notorious Exit Cracks, which many parties seem to find difficult and very scary, with almost no gear? I think you should consider expanding the piece a lot, and submitting it to one of the magazines.

One other thing. If you've only climbed a few Scottish grade Vs, this is one hell of an achievement. Well done indeed. Superb effort - for which you deserve congratulations.

In reply to David Rose:


Fair point, however the writer's feelings won't magically emerge from a description of the action without the intent of the writer to communicate that information. I'd like to know how the writer felt - that doesn't necessarily mean that I want him to tell me, but I don't want to have to extract it from the prose with a pair of pliers either.

In reply to David Rose:
Thanks very much for your comments. Really appreciate it. I like to keep my blog posts short-ish but yeah I do feel like I have more to write on the subject! Might just do that and expand it, and in the future Show not tell! Thanks

In reply to TimhNorthBASE:

Well done guys.
I always love to read accounts like this,especially when they involve climbing the Eiger.
Pay no attention to the grammar police.Nice work.

In reply to TimhNorthBASE:

I liked it, good to see no epic was involved.

In reply to bombshell:

Nice article, now get yourself off the Mushroom or Heiger.